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[Baby]

Do any of you ladies who are going through this still have your moms around and are they understanding. My mom really upset me earlier. She was saying I shouldn't be reading all these websites about meno etc. She said they will make me worse! Just feel so let down by her. It's not a matter of understanding this hell we go through, it's a matter of believing us. If it wasn't for places like this I really would believe it was only me

[CLKD]

I stopped telling my mother things about my health years ago  .  When I was very ill with depression, B4 the internet, all I got was :"You don't want to be depressed".  nope .  "You don't have anything to be depressed about".  nope .  "Don't lead your husband a dance like you father led me" ........ that show of 'get over it' distanced me from ever telling her anything again.

She might be my Mum but she doesn't have rights!

What were you expecting from your Mom?  How has she been in other aspects of your Life?  MayB she had an easy menopause and like many, can't believe the Hell symptoms can cause!

 

[Baby]

God your mom sounds just like mom. She keeps telling me what a lovely life I have ( yes I know I am lucky in many ways) cant understand me.  She went on HRT and they ho it worked for her. Actually I have recently been in therapy, thought it might help me in this meno crap. Suprisingly most of it was about my relationship with my parents. God I never realised how much I needed to off load. Anyway I have grieved for the relationship I wish I could have had with mom. She's my mom and I DO love her but she's not a bad person but she's not a nice person. Eg we could be walking down the street and we might see a beautiful young lady but she might say have one spot on her face my mom will home in on that spot and see that spot before the beautiful girl.

[CLKD]

Over critical?  Mine isn't a person I would chose to have in my Life.  I went into therapy in the 1990s, crikey how good was venting! :-).  Now I can't remember why I went 

Mine has narcissistic personality disorder.  With everyone else she is bright and cheerful with me/DH and sometimes my sister, she blanks anything we try to tell her.  Until a member of staff arrives when her demeanour alters instantly!

She looked after me whilst I was growing up.  After Dad died she turned her behaviour onto DH and me and I realised that 'it' wasn't all Dad's fault .......... too late to talk properly with him   

Mom's might raise us but they don't have rights!  Mine has tried to tell me that she 'knows' me better than anyone but hell, I haven't lived with her since 1975  .  So nope.  What we do in our home ain't nowt to do with her, in fact, nowt to do with anyone else ;-)

[Lyncola]

I fully understand you Baby, as I have problems with my mum too.

I’ve stopped talking about menopause and my bleeding bottom.
She actually told me it’s my fault she has now got high blood pressure problems, because I upset her with my health problems.

And I tried talking about how I was molested as a child, both my parents just start talking about something else like they don’t her me.

Both my parents talk only about negative things and everything always bad, like how they went bankrupt. She seems to find joy in others bad luck.

They treat my husband like crap, even though he bought the townhouse they are now living in. Nothing ever good enough, and they do work to the townhouse like paint the walls baby shit brown, without asking us.
A couple of years ago I got into a huge argument with them at the shops because they wouldn’t let me get the house pest control. They said the guy that did it was a dickhead and he didn’t know what he was doing. He been spraying my house for 15 years now and I think of him as a friend. Then the other week talking about my daughter and how she got her unit sprayed, my Mum looked at me and said that they understand because they rent and have to spray the place themselves. I called her out on that.

In the next month I’m hoping to see a specialist about my bottom and I’m not telling my parents. Because with all my previous operations, they tell me they will help me. Well there idea of help is to sit while I try to walk around to bring them coffee and cake. Or they yell at me because the rent has gone up or my dad takes me for a walk, I asked him could he help me with a plant. The answer was no I have to take mum out for lunch. He jumped into his car and left me standing on the driveway. He didn’t even see me in the house.

I found since menopause I can’t deal with my parents. I feel very angry why I was molested as a child, where were they, piss drunk at the same party. I too saw a Chinese foot doctor and it all just came out. He said I needed to talk to them. It’s a bit hard when they don’t listen to you. So menopause has made my feeling all worse.

And the sad thing is I don’t think they realised that our relationship has change, they just do the usual and stick their heads in the sand.

 

[CLKD]

 group    they are too engrossed in bad habits.  My sister has no idea that I have withdrawn because we don't have to meet and she lives miles away with her own life-style. 

I decided long ago that my Husband is my priority ;-).  Mum hates it when I tell her that he is the one person in my Life that I worry about 

[Lyncola]

Avalon my heart goes out to you, yes your Mum was mean.
Some people (your Mum) just don’t deserve children.
Is she still in your life Avalon?

And I bet you didn’t make the same mistakes with your boys.
 
Lyncola

[CLKD]

Once I realised that Mum's behaviour was aimed at me ........ [long story short] - I was able to step back.  But not far enough, I know exactly when I should have left but she would then emptied her accounts into her then-man friend's accounts because she tried to cause a row.  By telling us that he had no money, "I think he's short of money so I will maybe ..... " but I didn't bite.  [again long story short and I don't need to money grab].  The moment we met her man friend he explained what he was worth and he certainly didn't need her money!

Part of me wants to walk away, the rest wants to see the end of the story 

[Baby]

Oh Avalon ,Lyncola I feel guilty for moaning about my relationship after reading about yours. My brief history is my brothers and I were born into a domestic abuse family. Dad never hit us but we were petrified of him. As kids we would cower at the top of the stairs listening to dad beat mom up. He got diagnosed with bi polar manic depression when he was in his early thirties and things improve on the violence side. But dad was lazy didnt work so there wasn't much money around , but mom and dad still had money for their hobbies. Never went hungry but I remember having to worry about things like in cooking at school, would mom buy me the ingredients to be able to do it. And when I started work I had to hand over more money than my peers basically cos dad sat on his arse. This made me determined to find a good man and I did, nothing like my dad. Anyway fast forward thirty years I feel I have dealt mainly with my past but for the last two years mom and dad have had I'll health and all mom talks about are her regrets about marrying dad not being a good mom etc. Oh and another thing when she met dad he was separated with three kids under five. Why didn't she run a mile. And of course she regrets this. But it's too late now people close to me have said they think she is actually jealous of me because in spite of my background of have done good mainly with my life. It breaks my heart if I was to believe this.Just to emphasise I didn't have such a bad time in childhood as you ladies.x

[CLKD]

This isn't a competition! 

Children expect to be parented with love, warmth and a full belly.  Sadly this situation is unlikely to alter across the World any time soon.

Try not 2 take your Mom's problems on board.  If you are able, put into action the various agencies that could help, send them a list, step back.  It is then up to them.  When mine moaned and groaned on the 'phone I contacted her GP and social services.  The GP went straight round.  She was livid - I got told never to do that again but I explained that if she continued to complain, that I would access services that corresponded to her problems.  Twice - that's all it took ;-). She was trying on her control with me even from a distance but I wasn't putting up with it!

She plays my sister off against me.  "Don't tell you sister but .......... " so I have told her, if she tells me I won't be keeping quiet. 

In the 1990s she would moan down the 'phone to me that she and Dad never went anywhere or saw anyone.  Once DH and I were there mid-week [can't remember why] and the 'phone never stopped and there was someone at the door all day long.  In order to make sure that I knew that I wasn't important to her, she answered the 'phone each time: instead of telling the caller that we were visiting and that she would ring back ............ Dad confirmed that every day was the same.  Next time she started I told her to stop making up stories and telling lies.  Once! she never did that again.

My Dad had manic depression.  He never beat us, in fact he would drive into the night after she had riled him ....... then she could play the next game - "You're Dad has dashed off to jump into the river!" - I don't know if she burst into my sister's room with the same story  .  It was so that he didn't hit her.

Now that he is dead I can see why he flew into rages and went into deep depressions  : HER!  However, no illness is an excuse for beating up on women, children or occasionally, men. 

[Ms Peak]

Hi ladies.
My mother is now deceased some 11 years. As a parent she was evil and a nightmare towards me, thankfully I left home at 19 for nurse training and never looked back.
At 23 she admitted her jealously of me, nursing, learnt to drive etc all stuff many folks did. I was beaten, called a slag, bitch, you name it as a teenager.
As a parent my self I was determined to be the best parent I could... I lost my eldest as you know to suicide 6 years ago.. My middle son is amazing, my daughter post addiction doing the best I have seen since my boy died.
Life is how we shape it, do as you want in accessing information and help.....
Ms Peaks x

[Lyncola]

Love your quote Avalon,

I think my parents tried to be the best they can be. But my Mum is getting worse as she gets older, and my Dad lets her get away with it.

I do have a old sister but she not talking to me because she told me my menopausal symptoms was cancer. I told her off on Facebook and yes she going through menopause herself.

This is not unusual she always been mean like

She got into a fight with me when I told her I was going to get married, she 2 years older which means she should get married first?

I got pregnant first she said “you probably have a miscarriage”

When I told her my baby was going to be a girl “I wouldn’t want a girl she will get molested”

So I’m more then happy she not talking to me and I have no plans to talk to her again.

[CLKD]

Well done.  Would you chose her as a friend?!?

[Lyncola]

Yes I’m blessed with two girls now 23 and 25 years old. And they and hubby come first in my life.

Brisbane is not too bad, just need to use your air conditioner all summer.
The trouble is the house, shops and car is all air con, but it’s the in between bits, if only you could have a personal bubble of air con for all the other times.

I find the snakes, cockroaches and spiders is my worst hate about where we live.

[CLKD]

I have a pen friend in Brisbane area.  She never mentions the critters but does have air con in the bungalow.