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[AlwaysManchester]

Apologies I am feeling more emotional than normal today. I realised after coming across this website that I am going through the menopause at the age of 48, which is perfectly normal but I just feel so damn sad about it! I have a huge issue with getting old (don't we all?) and it seems to have crept up on me. I look in the mirror and notice my jowls are beginning to sag. I have never had a cleavage but now I have fine wrinkles where one should be??? The bags under my eyes are more noticeable and the odd white hair has now become several. I have stopped wearing some of my shorter skirts and my punk denim jacket because I realise they probably look stupid on a woman of my age.
Worst of all, I notice how my husband is ageing and I just can't bear it. He is slowly turning into his dad and I am turning into my mother - which has led me to consider surgery as I had a traumatic childhood and never want to see her in my face. Yet there she is.

The realisation that I am now going through the menopause just feels like a heavy blow. Men can father children right up until their 80s, whereas we have to deal with our wombs slowly shutting down and all the hormonal changes that go with it. I feel less womanly and am scared of the future right now. I see other women my age and they look old to me - so how must I look to them???

Am I the only one utterly terrified by all of this and ageing in general?

[CLKD]

It is realisation.   The "Who on Earth is that women staring at me from the shop window?" then "Oh It's Me!"  Then looking in the mirror and seeing my mother.

B4 DH and I were married Dad warned him : Take a good look at your potential MinL 'cos my daughter will eventually look like her.  How did Dad know 

Don't consider surgery whilst you are upset!  It can go oh so wrong ...........

You are not less a woman than you were yesterday.  MayB make a list of your skill base - from your early exams., career changes, life-style choices?  You will probably be surprised at the positives in there.

Acceptance can be hard.  But the alternative? 

[sheila99]

Apart from significant birthdays meno is often the first event that brings it home to us. And yes, it is a major design flaw in women. The only bright spot is that our generation can get treatment (I know it isn't perfect) which wasn't available to previous generations. My mother was bedridden for 2 years following a botched op for cystitis which damaged her back. Almost certainly VA not cystitis. However bad growing old is it has to better than not having the opportunity to grow old (until you're infirm or demented in which case I'd rather be dead).

[AlwaysManchester]

I know I am being petulant and there really is nothing I can do about it - like you say, what is the alternative and yes, at least we do have treatments now even if doctors and the medical profession in general still don't attach enough importance to women's health.

I just don't know how I got here. In my head I am still young. I think of myself as in my thirties as I think that's where I will always be. The menopause has brought it home that actually, I'm almost 50 and the only people I knew who were this old were fusty old aunts who would shop at Littlewoods for comfy cardis and brown nylon skirts. I thought it was the age where you swapped a fashionable hairstyle for a blue rinse and bright red lipstick for pale pick that ended up on your teeth. It was the age when ladies smelled of mothballs, knitted baby clothes and only had one small glass of sherry at Christmas.

I never thought I would be that age. I just thought it would pass me by somehow and I would always wear my short shorts with thick tights, have my hair dyed bright red and get gloriously drunk. Now I would feel a fool if I did that. Mutton dressed as lamb as my grandmother used to say.

It seems so unfair. Old men are called 'distinguished', we are called 'mature'. Well I don't want to be mature!

I hardly know what my body is going to do next. I don't trust any mood I am in as it might be hormones and might not. If I suffer depression, is that due to the lockdown? My state of mind? Or hormones? Will my periods stop? Will they start? Will I dry up? And why do I suddenly have a hair growing from the side of my mouth? Will I pee when I laugh? Should I stock up on incontintence pads now to go with my nylon skirt?

I am raging against age and the menopause even if it will do me no good whatsoever. How have you all kept your youth?

[jaypo]

Oh snap , I feel exactly as you,but,you don't have to stop wearing nice clothes etc,there are some beautiful older women and isn't beauty in the eye of the beholder? Look up Baddiewinkle online or even better Iris Apfel,these women say screw convention,why as women do we feel we need to .......tone it down,I'm 57 and I still wear short skirts albeit with thick tights and flat shoes but I still wear the clothes that I like and high heels,no no lady,youve a long way to go before you need to worry about old age,honestly,there was nobody worse than me but I've embraced it now,that's all you can do 

[AlwaysManchester]

  Thank you!

[Whatsupwiththis]

Better than the alternative.  Personally I like being old....nobody messes with a snarky old lady!😂

[CLKD]

I think that shorter hair on ladies over 50 suits most better than shoulder length or longer.  Otherwise: who are we trying to please?  Don't mess with me, I'm menopausal and I know how to use my mood swings 

Having been several drepressed in the 1990s and lost almost 5 years to anxiety, I value every day.  I never plan further than half a day ahead unless necessary.  I have a loving husband and a good GP and very good dental surgeon.  Sorted.  DH and I do stuff together ....... we are both well thus far, unlike a couple of friends who had total joint repacements by their mid-60s.  My age as I am now.

Half a day at a time?  Or as my friend does, make plans for 6 months ahead for something to look forwards to? 

I have never been fashion conscious as I spend so much time in the garden - so posh I don't do.  I like my hair to look nice but am not particularly bothered about what I wear ....... unless DH gives me 'the look' 

I live in my head and am still 16  but my body says otherwise.  I wouldn't want to go through certain ages in my Life - would you?

[DS68]

Actually loved your post and the replies.  I'm pretty sure most feel some part of how you feel.  I seem to have a new line every day and it all started around 46. I'm now 51 and avoid the mirror.  I recently went through my wardrobe and ditched what I called ridiculous clothes unused to wear. I just don't feel I look the same in them anymore. My shape didn't change that much just went south more🙄

I too don't want to resemble my mother due to my past but I recently realised I was beginning to.  I have long hair and am planning to cut it shorter as I think the long hair make me look older.

Unless your up for surgery or injections which I may well do if I could afford them, the only option is to embrace it I guess.

It does just creep by, and one day you realise the age group your now in.

It's like on my 50th all.i received in my email inbox were cosmetic surgery ads, funeral plans or dating for the maturer person  🤪
How did they know....they didn't even give me time to adjust to this new me 😬
I guess no easy answer but it's the one thing even the richest can't escape and some of them look kind of ridiculous in their attempts to out manoeuvre age and dodge the inevitable.

Here for you ☺️ x

[jaypo]

I have long hair at 57 and have no intention of cutting it,I wear it up in a messy bun or have a side pleat,so much you can do with long hair but I do keep it in good condition,nothing worse than long frizzy/dry hair

[CLKD]

My hair was almost to my waist for years but too heavy to put up ........... for our wedding day I had a net holding the ringlets in place which I took off as I went to Church.  My perm looked like Crystal Tips and Alaistar. Apparently  - I was 28 then.

Now I'm older it's short and after my trip to the hairdresser next week it will be tidier.

One advantage of being older is that I don't take crap from anyone!

[Baby]

It is hard but when I get over this meno crap I intend to live my life to the full with my lovely hubby. I saw a girl last month who I hadn't seen since we were both sixteen and I thought to myself Good God you look so old then thought she was probably thinking the same about me.

[Rosepetal73]

I am an unstable mess; I can’t believe I am nearly 50 and my children have left home.  How did I get here?  Perhaps make a list of the good things in your life, it’s so easy to feel down about everything and and this bloody Coronavirus isn’t helping anyone’s mood 

[CLKD]

I get a wobbly about age occasionally, usually in the early hours.  OH I'M ....... X, Y, Z.  In order to help those feelings I try to eat well, I don't exercise enough  , I have plenty of hobbies ............ have access to beautiful scenery ...........

[suzysunday]

Hi AlwaysManchester,.  You are not alone, but the posts give good advice.  I am 62 now and didn't feel too bad about ageing until s few years ago.  But it hit me like a sledge hammer and I hate everything about looking and feeling older.  I am petrified of old age after seeing some of the indignities my parents endured, who both died recently in their 90s.  I really understand how you feel.