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[Pennyfarthing]

very sorry for your loss ladybit. Xx

[CLKD]

That's another tack completely, funerals over here.  Is there much to clear Ladybt?

[Ladybt28]

Thanks ladies, it's a flaming good job my hrt is working properly otherwise....well...I don't know where I'd be! 

Yep quite a bit to clear in the flat.  It was very sudden and caught us all unaware's.  He was only talking to my brother 2 hour before he died and my eldest was in the flat with him but watching film in his room from about 9 and then realised that his grandad's light and telly were on just before midnight which was unusual and found him in his chair.  It was quick which was good for him but the rest of us are knocked sideways because there wasn't any reason to expect it! 

Dad was methodical with his paperwork but the shredder is working overtime!  I have stuff which my mum and he brought from their previous house!  Mum died 23 years ago so he was on his own and then my son moved in 5 years ago but it was only supposed to be a stop gap but he decided he couldn't leave his grandad but grandad wouldn't let him "clear up" much!  There are things here which I have seen in my life since the day I was born and I am finding that the hardest bit.  It's like I cant get used to him being gone and now all those things need to be gone too!  Somehow I think the 6 to 12 months after a funeral are worst.  We only buried my sister in law in November...I am teetering on the edge to be honest.  I know how you feel Focus, sitting next to a bed is like torture, and I send my love...SIL was one where you just ha to sit and wait and now Dad which is the complete opposite...urgh the universe is pretty cruel isn't it? 

I certainly need my friends on the forum because I don't have any others and even if I had they wouldn't be any good cos of this corona virus so thanks for listening...I think it's better out of my head and sorry for the diversion this is supposed to be a post about self-employment.  The link to all this is that because my brother is employed he has a get out clause...he has to go home and go to work whereas I can work from here, that's if I concentrate long enough to get anything done! xxx

[sheila99]

Can your son stay there or does the house have to be sold? I have a room full of stuff I brought from my Dad's house. He died 5 years ago and I still don't feel strong enough to throw it out (it's mostly stuff I didn't want to throw away rather than stuff I want to keep). It's so hard. I hope your son's OK, it must have been a shock to find him.

[jaypo]

Sometimes good to write it down ladybt,better than talking.sending much love,stay strong xxxx

[Ladybt28]

The flat has to be sold Sheila99!  there are 5 beneficiaries under the will but none of us have enough to buy the other's out!  My son although 30 is beyond himself. Death is pretty traumatic but a shock like that is going to have some lasting grip and this is his first close "death" if you understand what I mean.  His grandad was a great age but took no meds and wasn't ill.  As we get older we obviously lose more people and its not you get used to it, you probably get better at handling it.  I wanted to get him (and me) to grief counselling as soon as possible but that's not going to happen with all this isolation stuff and the longer it goes on, the more any of the ideas like, "why didn't I know" or "should I have seen something was wrong" or "did I miss something" will take root.  I can see it happening now but I cant do anything.  Talking on the phone isn't going to be that helpful. I thought if we went together it would be better but....cornona! x

I already have my husbands mother's stuff and his sisters stuff in my house...all the things he didnt want to part with...so many memories but there is a limit!!!

[Ju Ju]

Cruse offers telephone support. it's better than nothing. I once sought help from the Samaritans. To be able to talk to someone in my hour of need had a profound effect. Just to be listened to, heard and valued. The kindness and non judgement radiated down the phone.