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[CLKD]

We've had this conversation so many times.  Paying for care enables people to make choices.  Being on Social doesn't, the person gets put where there is a gap.  It might be miles from friends/family.  Had Mum been more upfront with us she could be getting a lot more rather than a sunny room with shared loo but she does get assisted bathing .......... if she had an ensuite in a different Home she would be paying nearly ?2,000 a week rather than ?800.00.

groundhog - don't wear yourself out over this.  Do you know what Plans your Mum might want for her funeral?

[groundhog]

Just want to send you huge hugs.  This waiting time is so exhausting for the families, mentally, physically & emotionally.  Just been through it in the past couple of weeks with a close friend & fiance's dad, both lost to cancer.  Waiting is the hardest thing xxx

It is Dorothy, sorry for your loss , it's pretty exhausting to go through.

[groundhog]

Hi Pennyfarthing,
Yes it's much easier logistically having her there.  They are feeding her several times a day and making sure she is well hydrated.  She is taking it so that is keeping her going.  I have poa for her but we never really talked much about such things. if I'm honest I didn't have a very close relationship at times.  She was a cold fish but that was her way and I never felt unloved.  it's odd now when she raises her hand to my face or squeezes my hand as she has never done that , at least not in my adult life.  She has a house, a small terraced house overlooking the castle, I was born there.  We have been renting it out but the tenants have just left so I've been going back and fore.  I know when the time comes I will have to deal with it all, I have a sister but she's much younger and tends to leave such stuff to me.  I'm trying to think ahead as we woild like to keep the house somehow, but it's been left to 5 as in me my sister and 3 grandchildren so she certainly hasn't made things easy for me.  it's all head work.  Thank you for your kindness xx
Clkd, I'm trying to self care as they call it but being in this situation is exhausting as you know.  I went down tonight and she has curled into a foetal position, they can't straighten her .  She slept the whole time I was there, they wake her periodically for drinks , turn her etc .  We try and go down every day .
She pays for the home herself, it's not posh but I think the care is good xx

[CLKD]

Another thread Theresa ?  or a PM ........

groundhog - you are doing all you can.  Foetal position is usual it often takes aches and pains off the bone structures.  Take care of YOU and do speak to your sister about the funeral etc. B4 it arrives as she may be upset if she feels left out of arrangements!

[Justjules]

Hi Pennyfarthing..do you mind me asking what you mean when you write if you get a life threatening illness you'll be out of here?x

I'd be interested to know too as that's the why I feel.

[Pennyfarthing]

Hi Pennyfarthing..do you mind me asking what you mean when you write if you get a life threatening illness you'll be out of here?x

I'd be interested to know too as that's the why I feel.

Hubby and I have decided that we will not be hanging around if we are diagnosed with awful diseases like MND, dementia etc. 

My husband has visited homes as part of his work for nearly 40 years and he is always coming home saying yet another customer has MND, severe multiple sclerosis, cancer or dementia.  They don't live they just exist living in big padded chairs having people feed them, wash them etc and we both find it very upsetting.

At my Mum's care home they take in similar younger people (maybe in their 60s and 70s) for respite breaks and when you can't do anything or even converse with people what's the point in being alive? 

I believe we should all have the choice as to what we do with our lives.  If we decide it's time to go that's our choice. 

[CLKD]

It should be but the Government of the Day tells us otherwise.  There is too much time spent on continuing lives that are maybe spent, with ABs and resuscitation.  As strange as it may seem, we do not 'own' our bodies.

[Sparrow]

When my late FIL, who had dementia, kept saying he wanted to die we were interviewed by a social worker from outside the home.  The upshot was that his care was changed so that he was kept comfortable but any acquired ailments were not treated with medication.  Not long after a simple headcold took him off.  To be honest it was a relief because that is what he wanted.

[sheila99]

Still cruel though. Quick death by 'put to sleep' injection or slow death unable to get enough oxygen? I know which I'd prefer.

[CLKD]

Pneumonia is the old man's friend ;-)

[Justjules]

Hi Pennyfarthing..do you mind me asking what you mean when you write if you get a life threatening illness you'll be out of here?x

I'd be interested to know too as that's the why I feel.

Totally agree. I just hope I have the guts to do it.

Hubby and I have decided that we will not be hanging around if we are diagnosed with awful diseases like MND, dementia etc. 

My husband has visited homes as part of his work for nearly 40 years and he is always coming home saying yet another customer has MND, severe multiple sclerosis, cancer or dementia.  They don't live they just exist living in big padded chairs having people feed them, wash them etc and we both find it very upsetting.

At my Mum's care home they take in similar younger people (maybe in their 60s and 70s) for respite breaks and when you can't do anything or even converse with people what's the point in being alive? 

I believe we should all have the choice as to what we do with our lives.  If we decide it's time to go that's our choice.

[groundhog]

When my late FIL, who had dementia, kept saying he wanted to die we were interviewed by a social worker from outside the home.  The upshot was that his care was changed so that he was kept comfortable but any acquired ailments were not treated with medication.  Not long after a simple headcold took him off.  To be honest it was a relief because that is what he wanted.

That's sort of the situation we are in shady glade.  My mum is in a shocking state, 6 stone , bed bound, incontinent, etc etc etc but we still have a smile sometimes and she is still drinking, eating very little.  But she clings onto life. They have said any infection won't be treated and she won't be admitted to hospital.  I will find that hard.
Plus thanks to Coronavirus I can no longer visit her as the home is understandably on lockdown.

[CLKD]

That's a shame groundhog.  Is there a given reason why the Home ins't allowing visitors?

[groundhog]

Coronavirus CLKD,  or the risks associated with it.
I think many homes have stopped visits which is understandable.  But with mum being so poorly it's a time we may not have again 😞

[CLKD]

Could the Care Home not provide barrier nursing kit  .  ?  Has anyone been diagnosed within the Company or been to any of the affected countries?