Hi there noheroicsplease - yes it's coming to terms with it that's the most difficult! Once you come to accept your new shape, (rather than weight gain which one can usually do something about with effort!) - that's the first step. Then you can work out how to look and feel good and flatter yourself!
No! Fat deposition round the hips - a decent bottom with proper buttocks - this is the norm for women - so associated with decent amounts of oestrogen ie the pear shape - whereas the post-menopausal rounded appleshape (fat around the midriff, and waist but slimmer hips) is associated with low oestrogen and relatively higher testosterone (even if this itself has declined). eg although I am on medium dose HRT my levels aren't very high and I also take testosterone, as well as being in my 60's - so no waist at all, fat around the midriff and waist (even though still in normal BMI range although now at upper end) - but hips as slim post-menopause as they were when younger (ie 36 ins!).
It all depends on hips relative to waist as well as overall measurements....
Hurdity x