Here’s the article:
“We weren’t meant to get old and feeble”: Sunday Times readers share their menopause experiences
And you can join the conversation in the comments below
Anna Hollingsworth
Menopause experiences can vary greatly — something revealed through the increasing discussion around it and the growth of forums such as Menopause Cafes
Menopause experiences can vary greatly — something revealed through the increasing discussion around it and the growth of forums such as Menopause Cafes
GETTY
The Sunday Times, August 4 2019, 12:01am
Share
From unrelenting hot flushes to a sense of liberation, the menopause can mean many things. In the UK, 20% of women don’t experience any significant adverse effects, but for the remaining 80%, it is less of a smooth transition. Here, Sunday Times readers share their ordeals — and welcome changes — of going through the menopause.
“There’s the loss of libido, but I’m still pulling men 20 years younger than me”
Sarah Garrett, 53
Where do I start? The worst thing has been anxiety. Some days I can’t even leave my house. I have sweats, terrible weight gain, brain fog, loss of concentration — the list goes on, and it’s all vile. I’m also moody, crabby and cranky. I see a gynaecologist in Harley Street, who gave me some oestrogen gel. It’s all right but I probably need full-on HRT. I follow MegsMenopause — Meg Matthews — on Instagram, who is very good. Some days I thought I was going mad and that it was just me — nope. My mother died a few years ago, so I don’t have anyone to talk to, but I remember her mood swings and weight gain. Women have it hard!
There’s the loss of libido, too, but at 53 I’m still pulling men 20 years younger than me, so it’s not all bad. The best thing is telling people to get lost. I have dumped a few friends. I’m certainly more confident and the menopause makes you care less — as does getting older.
The pros and cons of being on HRT, or whether to take it at all, figured in many readers’ responses
The pros and cons of being on HRT, or whether to take it at all, figured in many readers’ responses
GETTY
“I cannot remember life without hot flushes and sleepless nights”
Anonymous, 58
I started the menopause around the age of 42. I’m now 58 and still experiencing hot flushes. The worst part of the menopause for me was the weight gain and night sweats. I also have what is called the dead leg feeling in bed: my legs feel heavy and ache to the point that sometimes I need to get up and walk around. On occasions I get terrible itching on my arms and legs. This usually happens when I’m in bed and I wake the next morning to find blood on the sheets from where I have scratched my arms or legs until they bleed. I recall my mother suffered similar symptoms, and she would take a knitting needle to bed with her to scratch her arms.
The hot flushes are quite debilitating, especially when I’m in a meeting or out socially and all of a sudden my face goes bright red. I am often asked if I’m OK, but, on the whole, most people know I suffer from them so they pretend not to notice, which is quite a good thing — if people react it can exacerbate the flush and make it last longer. Sometimes if I’m anxious about something, that can make them worse.
I can’t take HRT as I had a subarachnoid haemorrhage when I was 36, and the aneurysm is still there. I have tried supplements such as Menopace, black cohosh, soya milk, not having coffee late at night and sticking to foods recommended by experts to alleviate the symptoms — all to no avail. I keep fit, go to the gym weekly, I’m a non-smoker and I have a healthy diet (I do enjoy a couple of glasses a wine, though). Recently, the flushes and night sweats have been really getting me down. A clinician at the menopause clinic at the Liverpool Women’s Hospital recommended a drug called clonidine. I’ve gained several pounds, so I’m not sure whether I will continue with them should I gain more weight. I find it very difficult to lose weight during the menopause.
I have lived with the symptoms for so long now that I really cannot remember a life without hot flushes and sleepless nights.
“The onset of symptoms hit me like a train”
Katherine, 57
I was on the Mirena coil for seven years and obviously the slow drip, drip, drip of hormones prevented the menopausal symptoms. When I had the coil removed this spring, the onset of symptoms hit me like a train.
Although I’m lucky not to get any hot flushes or night sweats, I’ve noticed a myriad of smaller problems. I have aches and pains and general tiredness and, worst of all, a general softening all over and a lack of muscle tone. No matter how hard I exercise, I’ve lost my abs, and just look soft and fleshy rather than trim and slim. I suppose I should just accept this as a sign of getting older; some would say that in my mid-50s I should be happy to relax and not have the pressure to stay in shape, but I want to be happy when I look in the mirror.
But worst of all is the brain fog. I had a couple of months where I just thought I was losing my intellectual capacity. I’m doing a master’s, so I went into total meltdown in the middle of my dissertation. My concentration was totally shot; some days my ability to write decent sentences abandoned me, and even typing was a challenge. The wellbeing people at my university were supportive and kind, but slightly clueless.
In desperation, I went to my GP and got some HRT prescribed. The list of possible side effects frightened me so much that I returned them to the chemist. I told the receptionist that if the menopause was suffered by men, there would be a cure for it by now.
I guess it’s a final admission that I am going to be old. I was a punk — a proper mohican-wearing, pierced punk. We weren’t meant to get old and feeble... I used to get angry and now I am angry about the menopause.
“I had no symptoms and sailed into my sixties”
Marian Hart, 67
I went through the menopause about 10 years ago. I was actually looking forward to it as I had very heavy periods, which caused many problems. I was always suffering from anaemia and had reactions to iron tablets. I also had menstrual migraines, which were very severe, causing me to miss several days of work and lots of special occasions. I had several investigations to ascertain the reason for my heavy periods, but nothing made any difference. So when I missed a period I was mightily relieved. I had no adverse symptoms either, physical, mental or emotional, and sailed on into my sixties with one more period six months later. I was so relieved not to have to deal with all of the above and embraced the changes that come with age. A new me!
“I thought I was dying at times”
Michele Wallace, 59
I went to my GP when I was 52 and still having monthly periods. I was a bit of a mess and holding down a stressful job with lots of travelling. The GP said, “Yep, I get it, we’ll start you on oestrogen and give you a Mirena coil.” She was great.
However, one of her colleagues disagreed and basically told me to get my big girl pants on and go away. I then spent 18 months trying every herbal remedy to no avail, rapidly going downhill mentally (total nutjob, rages, anger, crying, shouting) and physically with tummy problems, joint and muscle pains, brain fog, exhaustion, insomnia, still having periods with flooding, bad flushes, terrible hair and skin, palpitations, panic attacks and so on. I thought I was dying at times.
Another doctor told me I was depressed and that antidepressants would help stabilise me. I was hallucinating on them, so I was told to stop them immediately. Another locum GP agreed to start me on HRT if I could explain the risks to her and I understood that my decision to go on it was entirely mine. I was 54 and still in perimenopause.
I then spent the next year taking HRT, which made me feel significantly worse. I felt as if I was being poisoned and my mental state deteriorated quite badly. There are three flights of stairs in the house and at times I could only crawl up the last flight. I hardly left the house for 10 months and was in a deep depression.
I went down the private route, and my doctor listens and understands me. I was given Oestrogel and Utrogestan, and after some changes the doctor has made, I’m much better. However, I believe that the Utrogestan causes me some issues so I may try and come off it.
I’m now 59, and I stopped working two years ago. Throughout all this, I had various periods off work. My work never made any concessions, so I negotiated a settlement to leave. The stress of the job didn’t help my mental health, so I’m much happier being a layabout these days.
“I was just very positive about the whole thing”
Anonymous, 53
Puberty has always been seen as a good thing — it marks the passage from being a girl to a woman — but no one ever had anything good to say about the menopause, if they had anything to say about it at all. The result was that for most of my teenage years and into my twenties, every time I thought about the subject it was with terror. I was convinced I was going to turn into a thick-waisted, hairy-faced man-woman.
My own experience was rather different and much more positive. By the time I reached my thirties and forties, I had somehow come to terms with the fact that this change is a natural process and I trusted my body to do the right thing. It did. I had a few hot flushes and that was it. My periods stopped gradually in a very orderly fashion and then it was all done. I don’t remotely feel less attractive. I don’t feel like I’ve been run over by a truck and I managed without any hormonal support. I do now have testosterone supplementation, which I find helps with vaginal dryness and does give you back your sex drive.
I think one of the reasons why my menopause was easy is that I was just very positive about the whole thing. I assumed it would be OK and it was. Incidentally, I never had any problems with my menstrual cycle from beginning to end and maybe this also has something to do with having an easy menopause. I will say, though, that when I was obviously perimenopausal (in my mind at least; the blood tests said otherwise) I went to the GP for some help and there basically wasn’t any. The advice sheet I was given said things like “Wear cotton clothing and take a cool shower”. I went home wondering what idiot had written those words of advice.
“I don’t feel like a sexual object any more”
Hilary Easton, 67
I had already made some drastic changes in my life before the menopause started and I think this is why it didn’t affect me too badly at all.
At the age of 47 I enrolled at university to study philosophy and literature, part-time, to degree level. I was a single parent and my eldest two children had already left home and my youngest was starting secondary school. I was excited and absorbed in embarking on academic study for the first time since leaving school in 1969, halfway through my A-levels.
I was working so hard and was so interested in my studies and the new friends I had made at uni (there was a high proportion of very mature students of my age and older) that I hardly noticed when the hot flushes and the night sweats started a year or two later. Hot flushes seemed to make me panic a bit, so it wasn’t all plain sailing, but I didn’t suffer the way some do. I have been prone to depression all my life and I did get bouts of that, but I think my studies really helped me to cope with it better than might have been expected. Things never got to the point where I asked the doctor for help, although I did go to a private therapist for a while. He helped me to see that the changes in my life could be viewed in a positive light.
I was really happy not to have the bother and mess of menstruation any more and to be free of the fear of unplanned pregnancy, at last. Even now, I feel a lift of spirits when I pass the aisles of tampons and sanitary stuff in the supermarket. I’m free!
My menopause was completely over by the time my youngest son left home and I graduated with a useless degree from the point of view of employment, but some amazing memories and a sense of achievement that has set me up for life. Being no longer fertile has given me a sense of maturity and selfhood that I treasure. Somehow, now I don’t feel like a sexual object any more, I don’t feel like prey. I feel like a real person, like a man does. As a child I was a notorious tomboy, always climbing trees and riding my bike; I never liked dolls and so on. Puberty felt like a loss of self to me, although I loved my babies and nurturing them through their childhood. After the menopause, it felt like I had got myself back as an androgynous being, an autonomous human adult, no longer defined by sexual attractiveness or motherhood.
Author
Topic: Sunday Times Article - style magazine. Menopause experiences (Read 2801 times)