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[racjen]

Since starting on fluoxetine about a month ago my mood has got worse and worse; on top of the existing anxiety I'm now so depressed I struggle to get out of bed. My GP agrees that it's not working for me so I'm coming off it gradually, but it really does feel like that's it on the drug front - ADs all give me some kind of bad reaction, as does pregabalin, beta blockers and everything else prescribed. I'm on Evorel 100 and Provera 2.5mg daily and that seems to keep me in a stable state, but that state is an absolute minimum - lying in bed listening to the radio. Currently staying with my brother in Sidmouth so i don't have family responsibilities too, at 19 and 22 my daughters can well take care of themselves. Last week I was feeling so bad i took sleeping pills on top of my usual diazepam and fluoxetine, and ended up in hospital because my daughters were so alarmed at my incoherent state - I have very little memory of it but I was babbling complete nonsense apparently. I feel like life has just come to a full stop.

And just in case anyone else is in my position ie really struggling with utrogestan, my gp has taken advice and said it's fine to take provera daily instead; seems to agree with me a lot better, 2.5mg per day orally with Evorel 100 patch.

[Ladybt28]

Oh racjen - so sorry to hear this....it's horrible...believe me I know how you feel.  There is nothing I can say that will make it any better, god I really wish there was.  At least you have made some headway with the Everol and provera but I think it is going to take a long while for it to become totally stable without any other interference.  You body is totally confused.

I know what you mean about the other drugs...they just turn you into a suicidal zombie....been there, done that!!! and despite the GP giving me Sertraline just after xmas, I managed 3 weeks and then all the familiar side effects.  I am not going back on AD's ever!!!

We are all here for you, if you need us at any time of the day or night (there is usually an insomniac meno lady about!!)..just keep talking and get it all out...if that is all we can do while everything else gets out the system..well that is what will be done.
Now you have Evorel and Provera...the only thing to do is count 3 months once  there is nothing else in the system.
Much love and big hugs xxxx

[racjen]

Thankyou so much for replying Ladybt28 -I just feel Like I'm this one loony lying in bed, being a fucking nuisance because I can't function normally, be a proper mum etc, and to be honest all i want right now is to go to sleep and never wake up.

[AgathaC]

Dear racjen, I'm remembering your posts from last year about swimming and going to the National Trust places with your daughters. I'm hoping that the stable HRT will continue and you'll be able to get off the AD's which have made you feel so bad, and get back to those better places before too long. Love Agatha C x

[Ladybt28]

Not a nuisance, not a bad mum....and going to sleep and never waking up is just not an option!! xxx
Your daughters need you....we need you...menopausal women coming to the forum need your experience.  Its a horrible one but an experience none the less and so valuable.  I know how hard the fight is and how much you are "bored rigid" with how you are.

I existed...well...I was a body in the world..I wouldn't say it was even up to the point of "existing"...I was just there...years...I've  lost track of how many years it was...so I understand perfectly and all the meds they give you that are supposed to "fix it" don't!!
You get your hopes up and then they are dashed.  You have made progress all be it at snails pace.  You can't take the other drugs and you knew that but now you have proved that (well actually more  than once) but now you are on Everol and Provera which appear to be "tolerated" so you have learned much.  I know I can't take AD's Amiltryptiline, beta blockers, 2 types of blood pressure meds, pregabalin, and 5 other types of hrts (there are probably loads of other drugs too they have give me in the past to  "fix it")...what annoys me is they really don't have any idea what they are "fixing".
Now you have to dig in and let them do their work without interference....I can hear you screaming "but I don't have the energy anymore"...but yes you do...you got this far...so
You are stronger than you know
Braver than you believe
and Smarter than you think you are  xxx

Hang on in there Honey...if you have to lie in bed on the bear minimum...lie in bed on the bear minimum and one day you will get out of bed and do something and then go back to bed....tiny steps but your body has to adjust to the Everol/provera to see if it really can work some magic.

Out of everything I tried my "bare minimum" was gel and utro and then it got better than "bare minimum" but it wasn't quick....5 months before I began to see the light...just hang on in there xxx

[racjen]

to make matters worse, I'm staying with my brother in Sidmouth at the moment to give everyone a break - went to collect my repeat prescsrciption for diazepam which  I'd arranged to come here instead, and of course they'd fucked it up. Without it I'll suffer major withdrawal symptoms so need to get it sorted, but when i go back down there in an hour who's to say if they'll have it right?

[pants46]

They'll have it right Racjen. Diazepam isn't in short supply, and they'll be very aware of withdrawal issues.  They'll get it sorted.
Is Sidmouth Devon ? or Cornwall ? My geogrpahy is ... pants 
It's on the coast though, right ? Lovely place to be next week, when it gets hot. All that lovely sea air. x

[Tc]

Oh racjen I'm so sorry. I'm in a similar situation which I'm finding so hard to get through so as much as I would love to offer advice I cant. But I can offer support, as the other lovely ladies have done. And I can send you my love. I know it's not enough.

 Please dont be tempted to mix extra meds on top of your prescription.i have done it too and ended up in a bad way.  I know how tempting it is when you are desperate. Have you got your prescription yet?

Please keep posting. We are all here for you

Xxxxxxx

[Tc]

Did you get your meds racjen?

[racjen]

yes, i did thanks tc.

[Tc]

Good. Sending love xxxx

[groundhog]

Morning racjen,
Just wanted to say hello.
I've been in fluoxetine and have been ok. My husband went on it years ago and ended up in hospital with a massive anxiety panic attack.  It certainly doesn't help everyone.
I've been in terribly black holes and can relate to how you are feeling.  Please believe it will pass as it usually does.  I hope that doesn't sound patronising but you sound quite desperate and just have to try and get through now until things pick up.  This will improve so don't say you don't ever want to wake up, there is no coming back from that. 
Keep posting ok xx

[Tc]

I know how it feels racjen. I acted on it once and obviously survived but I saw what it did to my loved ones. It's the only reason I havent "gone there" again in the last few months. I thought about it after my wife died but the thought of my family losing someone else stopped me. I got through that  and my life was improving until this latest hurdle last year. So please dont give up on yourself. I'm sure those who love you havent.
When I start to feel people would be better off without me i know it's a very big red flag and for their sake I always seek immediate help.

Did the hospital offer you any follow up? Are you still under the crisis team. I know you feel they are not always helpful. But it's hard to cope through these crisis times without help.

Please believe it will pass sweetheart.
Xxxx

[racjen]

No it feels like nobody is really bothered - my GP is v good and phones me regularly but she's on holiday for the next two weeks. I was passed from the Crisis Team to the Community Mental Health Team, who have offered 3 - 4 weekly appointments with a clinical psychologist, based on seeing your anxiety as carrying a beach ball around with you...?... In the meantime i have to get through day after day after day of acute anxiety, and cope with two young adults with diagnoses on the autistic spectrum. I'm not ashamed to say that I've taken to the bottle in a big way - given that no drugs work I  have to have something to make my life possible...

[Jari]

Hi racjen,

I'm no professional, but my gut feeling is exactly the same as Birdy!!

You've tried all sorts of drugs inc hrt and ad's.... these seem to not help you. In fact, is it possible they are the cause?

It sounds like your body is crying out for a break..

Is it something you'd consider discussing with your doctor?

Could it worth treating yourself to see a good nutritionist and give yourself some great tlc!!

X