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[Fevvers]

Hi, I've been here before but wasn't ready to face up to belonging. 

I was officially declared post-menopausal a few weeks ago so I figured I should start to get a bit more informed.  I am 44 and had chemo for triple negative breast cancer at 40 so my menopause is medically induced.  My last gynae appointment confirmed what I already knew - that my last period was some 18 months ago and my levels are post menopausal. 

Since then, I have been in a phase I can only describe as grieving.  Not for fertility - I was lucky to have 3 children before falling ill - but for my youth.  My children are still young, my friends are still young (ish!) and yet I feel aged beyond my years.  Always struggling with self esteem, the weight gain has been one of the hardest things to cope with - which seems so superficial.  But more than that, the crushing anxiety about absolutely everything - whether the children have happy lives, whether my friends are bored of me, the dog has had enough walk, the windows need cleaning -  leaves me physically gasping for breath some days.  And the memory loss on top of this, forgetting a good friend's name, repeating stories without ANY awareness. 

Good meaning friends tell me they forget things too, it's life, the balance of family and other commitments at this age etc etc.  But they have no idea that whilst they're talking, I'm mentally recounting their name, their kids' names and any scrap of detail I can recall from our last conversation. 

This week I flipped following 4 days of hormonal migraines and another episode of extreme panic and suicidal thoughts.  After 3 years trying to convince someone to give me HRT (if you don't know, HRT for those who have had breast cancer scares all but the most informed gynaecologists), I went to see Dr Parsons privately.  And some time next week, once my GP gets his letter, I will start HRT. 

So I thought I'd say hi, learn a bit more about what has happened to me and basically start rebuilding myself. 

[CLKD]

   The Change does what it says on the tin: and some 

Browse round.  Make notes.   

Maybe keeping a mood/symptom/food diary will be of use.  We all forget issues but these are your forgetful moments - do read our 'doing stupid things' and 'that strange woman' threads ;-).

[jaypo]

Hi there fevvers,you're in the right place here,so good start 😊
You're NOT alone,we have women here that have crushing anxiety,forgetfulness an panic.
None of us have died from it (I hope!!) we all get through it somehow,we have to,we all have responsibilities and in a way that keeps us going.
Like clkd says,have a good read through some of the posts,you'll find the help you need
Take care

[Tc]

Hi fevvers just want to say  welcome to the forum.
One of the worst things for those of us who suffer these symptoms is feeling alone and that no one understands. And that is where this forum has been invaluable for me. I hope you get the same from it.
Xx

[AgathaC]

Hello there from me too.
There was a thread a couple of months ago about HRT and breast cancer. I think a lady called Nas started it. You might want to search for it. I recall a newspaper article I had seen and mentioning on the thread.
You will find this forum very helpful and reassuring.

[Nas]

Hello Fevvers and welcome 😀
I was also diagnosed with BC (some ten years ago now) and  like you, have also seen a lovely private GP who agreed to allow me to try transdermal HRT.

You have come to the right place. This forum is excellent day and night. The ladies are knowledgeable and supportive of each other, which is so important when going through this journey.

I also had chemo, but wasn't plunged into meno immediately. Think I was peri for many years after though.

Feel free to come and chat to us anytime fevvers xx