Not sure how much help I can be. I am 60 now and 5 years ago came off seroxat after taking it for 12 years solid. Like you was worried of long term use. I went through hell coming off it, did it too quick, totally underestimated it. then overlapping that , meno symptoms that came prominent over 2 years ago, well post meno, with vaginal atrophy. Been struggling with coping since, hrt then post meno bleeding, biopsy then stopping hrt, now using local hrt. you are younger than me, do you think the hrt is ok for you? Do you really want to go back on anti depressants? They can help and sometimes I think I was better on them, but I would not go back to them . I understand your feelings of apathy, doom. The last 5 years for me have been hard after relying on seroxat, they cushioned me from the raw emotions I feel now. I got a degree in my 40s and lacked the confidence to use it. I feel quite down about my life now, hate being older like you do. It's hard to advise, are there fulfilling jobs available for you. It's a hard time of adjusting and I don't do it well. Anxiety and low self-esteem have been with me all my life. It's hard to do but you have to try things out, be kind to yourself. Sorry can't be more helpful but others here may join in. This forum is very supportive.