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[nightmare]

Hello TC,

I must say I found your message so very very sad.  I too have been in that place, and there are days that are such an enormous struggle I cannot hardly get out of bed.  I am new on this forum and I must say it gives me a lot of comfort.  I have already mentioned this in another post but in case you didnt see it and after having read your post said I would reply.  I am going to see a gynachologist in Harley Street London caleld Dr. Bose on 5th March.  I wondered if anybody on the site had been to see him but they hadnt.  I have been googling other sites on menopause and have come across three people who have gone down this route and it has helped them enormously.  There seems to be a lot written about bio-identical hormone treatment and it has completely changed their lives so this is my only hope I think.  So not sure if you had already tried this.... if not, maybe it is a consideration.  I live in Ireland and apparently hundreds of people actually go over to London every year to get this treatment.

Anyhow thought I would share this.... and hope you are feeling better. I think it is so very very sad that we have to go through this.  I must admit my only real symptom is depression, and I would prefer the 33 others than this one... as it is so painful to go through.

So I am literally counting the days until 5th March and please got I will get the help that I so badly need.

xxx

[CLKD]

nightmare - take a list with you of symptoms etc..

[nightmare]

Thank you Clkd, I intend to..... will keep everybody posted.

[AgathaC]

Tc - how are you today? Xx

[Tc]

Hiya ladies. Thank you so much for your lovely replies. My heart goes out to those of you who are suffering in a similar way at the moment.

Monday wasn't great but yesterday was not good. Hence the radio silence!!  Sorry I didn't reply sooner.

I am under the local MH team at moment and I see a psychiatrist.

As you said Agata I have been through a lot in the last few years and my doc has said this also. He says it's enough for anyone to cope with. Obviously the biggest one is the loss of my wife (i am seeing a bereavement counseller)and having my life turned upside down, having to move and the fact that my wife and I worked together and I haven't worked since she died. My life has literally  changed beyond all recognition and I will never get back what I had  it's taking me a long time to come to terms with.

Then cane the op. I think the removal of my ovaries has also been like another loss for me .instant meno. Another big permanent change.and there is a sense of processing all the emotional stuff that goes with a big life change in your body as well.

And.. then there's the hormones!!

I feel I might still not be getting enough E. Horrendous hot flushes (No sweating) but the last 3 nights they have gone on all night. Like one big hot flush that lasts all night.

Anyway thanks to 50mg of phenegran last night i did get some rest if not proper sleep. I also left out my utrogestan last night. And feel a bit more human this morning.

I had a good day. I want more but at least I know  I can have a good day (which at one point i thought might never happen)and the old me hasn't completely disappeared. And as you say Ladybt it's important to remember that.

Nightmare good luck with your appointment  i hope you get some good results from it.

Hope all you llovely ladies have a good day.
XxxxxTc.

[racjen]

Hi Tc, I so identify with you - I think we're going through very similar struggles, in my case dealing with breast cancer as a single parent of two young women with mental health problems, with very little support around and no family nearby. Having come through the ordeal of cancer treatment to be hit by the instant menopause caused by chemo, competely knocked me for six and turned my life on its head, meant I lost my job and am a living in a day-to-day haze of depression and anxiety and really struggling to get the medical profession to understand.

Now under the care of the Community Mental Health Team, I'm waiting for an appointment with the Clinical Psychology Dept. at the hospital where I had my treatment, but whether that'll help at all I have no idea. For me the biggest problem is the horrendous morning anxiety; currently trying cutting down my estrogen as the level is very high. But then I find that when I don't feel anxious I feel horribly depressed instead, like I'm constantly swinging from one extreme to the other.

Right now I wake up every morning wondering where the hell my life went . There's been  no trace of anything you could even vaguely call normal for nearly 3 years, when I got the fateful diagnosis that started this all off. But you're right,we have to celebrate the better days and hang on to the idea that despite all this, our old selves are still there inside. SO frustrating though - I feel like I have loads of stuff I want to be getting on with (especially given that going thru cancer makes you acutely aware that your time is limited) but I just can't while I feel like this  xxxxx

[Tc]

Racjen. I totally get what your saying about coming through the BC and feeling you should be kind of "grateful and be living life to the max
I was under the oncologist and still am. They removed the tumour and ovaries and it wasn't certain if I had cancer until the biopsies came back. And then everyone else including the oncologist were all "celebrate" and get on with the rest of your life but I was crying!!
There is that added pressure to "count your blessings." And it's hard to do when the MH side of meno has got you in its grip.
You came through all that Racjen with very little support by the sounds of it which you were entitled to should have had and needed. Both for the BC and for looking after your girls. and being a single parent you must be one strong lady. Even if you don't always feel it.

Of course the effects of not being able to work are huge, including what it does to your self esteem. My confidence has fallen as low as my bank balance!!

Our MH symptoms of meno seem very similar from what you said.

Are you currently getting any help at all  from local MH team?

I'm waiting on the list for CBT. The wheels grind very slow, as you will know,  but I am seeing a psychiatrist under them. I was seeing him  b4 my op for about a year every 3 months due to my bereavement but since my op he has upped it to every 4 weeks

He feels hormones are playing a significant role in My "decline". So at least he gets it!!

You say you feel you have loads of stuff to be getting on with and I think that's a positive sign.
Just dont be too hard on yourself tho keep those thoughts of the things you want or need to do and just trying to do them one at a time when you feel able takes the pressure off..

Big hug x

[CLKD]

  2 you both!

[Tc]

I would just  like to  say to all the ladies on this thread and anyone reading it

I am so glad I started this thread.

There are times some of us who are suffering MH issues fall silent on here and others recognise this has happened and are concerned.

 Just "checking In" seems a great idea to me, even if it's just 3 words  "I'm still here".

Other ladies have reached out to me when ive posted a "dark" thread and then gone AWOL and it has encouraged me to open up about how im feeling which realy helps.

Dont know what you all think but I hope this thread continues to have a presence in the same way some other threads have, beyond the original post.

TCXXXX

[racjen]

Yeah, I really agree - for me one of the biggest problems is that friends and family don't really get it, and I'm always worried about being too much of a burden on other people (not helped by my 2 closest friends buggering off and abandoning me in the middle of the cancer treatment).  So I end up isolating myself, because I think I'm too much for anyone else to cope with (and also because, to be honest, it can feel very lonely even when someone does try to be supportive, if they don't actually understand how incredibly awful this feels).Over the last year I feel like the confident, creative, vibrant person I was has gradually gone underground, and I'm struggling to maintain any presence out there in the world at all. So when I see that other women on here notice if I've disappeared, and send me messages to make sure I'm OK, I feel like I'm not alone. I'm crying now, because at the moment this forum is all the support I've got - while I'm waiting for MH services to come up with something I'm on my own and all I can do is phone the Samaritans if it all gets too much. Thankyou all for caring xxxx

[Tc]

You too birdy xxxxx