Thank you.
The restricting worked before, in my 20s. Although I wasn't really aiming to stop my periods. They just sort of faded away as a result of eating not very much for a long time.
I *know* it does;t make sense intellectually. Trust me, I totally get it. But it's the only way I can cope with my feelings at the moment.
Otherwise I'm just back to totally desperate scrabbling around, trying to find a way out of this all. And then that totally takes over my life, so that I become super obsessive about it all, constantly reading and researching about it, and it's the only thing I can think or talk about. Which means I'm then not able to work. And as I'm self employed, that's the most important thing of all to me. No work, no money, no possibility of paying for basics.
This is what happened when I started suffering from PTSD, and it took over my life, in more ways than one. And it was one of the (many) things that ended up wrecking my marriage.
This way I feel like I have some sort of control over the whole situation, a little bit of distance. Which I so desperately need.
I can get to the end of the day and feel like I've actually achieved something, even if that one thing is eating not much.
And it also means that I am free to think about getting some work done, and actually earn a living.
I honestly can't see another way that leaves me able to deal with my feelings.