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[Tc]

Hiya ladies. Hope this post finds you as well as can be.
I am working mysel into a right stew about this .hrt
I had a relatively good week before starting this new regime. Best I've had so far by a long way . dont know whether the patch was finally kicking in but it's not available anymore anyway so I would have had to change at some point but..

Since the weekend I feel worse than ever. As you know I had a bad weekend it felt like I took a giant step backwards right back to my first crash and starting the patch.

I'm having horrible physical aide effects which had started to settle previously but they are all back.

I'm trying to tell myself it might be initial symptoms on a new regime that will settle down but I don't realy know if that's true.

I've posted on a seperate thread about breast pain but there is a seperate issue for me around the Hrt which I feel some might find hard to understand but I feel safe to say on here

my anxiety has in the past lead me to have OCD like symptoms around hand washing and a fear of chemicals/contamination. at one point it effected my life in every single way. I dont know how my wife didnt leave me. I overcame it with help to a certsin extent but some leftover rituals and fears are always waiting in the wings to re emerge when im highly stressed.

So.. I realy feel like using  the gel is triggering me in  that  I'm concerned about transferring it to other parts ofv my body and have gone through so many shower puffs already cos once I use it on my Arms I throw it away. And I'm wearing two tops in case it rubs off.

I know it's irrational but I don't feel clean with it am aware of it all the time on and I realy don't want to return to the days when it took me 2 hours in the bathroom to complete my washing regime..

The side effects are one issue and I'm worried it's not working and that I'm back to square one in that department and that nothing will ever work I know I'm being impatient but hope you ladies on here will understand as we have discussed anxiety making us impatient.

I want to use the best regime for symptoms as you know primarily anxiety and depression but using the Hrt is feeding my anxiety. Focussing on it way too much. "Its not working, am I taking too much, is it poisening me, giving me cancer,  is the lining of my womb thickening and am I gonna end up with a hysterectomy because of that..
"
Talk about stuck in a vicious cycle.

I know all this is a manifestation of my anxiety but getting hormone levels right would seem to be  key to easing that anxiety and now I'm developing anxiety ABOUT the treatment

I have still not booked my colonoscopy cos I just don't think I can handle it at the moment.

Ive got to get through the next 3 months to see if ithe new regime works but boy oh boy it feels like a long time.

[Ladybt28]

morning TC, yes 3 months is a long time and you have only just started.  If I remember you are about a week in from getting your gel? Completely understand the irrationality and OCD tendancies are beyond controlling when they get into full flight.  I didn't have health anxiety except I was convinced I had alzheimers! but I had ridiculous fears about just everything else like if my husband or my son left the house they wouldn't come back something was going to happen to them, knocked down, mugged, stabbed!  We were going to get burgled - I had just about every irrational fear you could imagine although being convinced you have alzheimers is pretty irrational   I couldn't leave the house in August and I was afraid if the phone rang that it would be telling me that someone was dead! Now put that in context, I have my own business I work from home and my customers call me all the time under normal circumstances - no a good position to be in if you can't answer the phone!

It is changing the regime that has done this and you have only 2 choices - give it up altogether and keep the other list of horrible symptoms or ride it out honey!  You cant go back to the previous patch because they are discontinued. 

I'm trying to tell myself it might be initial symptoms on a new regime that will settle down but I don't really know if that's true.

You have learned much from the forum Tc - trust your gut - you do know that changing a regime can do this - so it is true! and you have an underlying fear that if you give up then that's not going to work either...  so my friend...the only way when you consider it... is onwards..using CKLD's trick of tackling half a day at a time!  I used to use the counting trick all the time but mine was in 10 or 20 minute slots sometimes.  I programmed my head to say - "if I can get through the next hour - everything will be fine" and then tried to find something to destract my mind for the next hour! and then just did it again over an over.  I have never had OCD which I believe is a sort of "control anxiety thing" (sorry if I am way off I dont mean to be) but I know I do like to do stuff that makes me feel more in control when things get hairy!  Hour by hour made me feel a little more in control.

Others will be along soon with their thoughts Tc but keep posting here and we will try to talk you through it.  We have talked a lot about patience over the last few days...stick with it Tc...dont give up just yet it's too early...you will end up never knowing if it would work

[Tc]

Thanks lady. Hearing from you gives me so much hope. I'm so glad you are doing well.

I've just given myself a talking to. I realy need to put up or shut up. I have to give it the 3 months so I have to beat the compulsive thoughts and behaviour  . I have to go back to how I dealt with it before by constantly telling myself. You don't need to wash your hands walk away from the sink. You can wash them in 10 minutes. Get into the shower and think about a story in my head.or Try to list all the abba songs I know or something anything to take my mind off what I'm actually doing. Ive often been told about mindfulness but in many ways when it comes to the compulsions my strategy is the opposite of mindfulness.
Anyway. You ate right 2 choices. I can't make the drugs work any quicker. I can't make time pass. Ive got to deal with what is facing me today. And distract distract distract.
Doesn't help I had a huge row with my sis she told me my "issues" have always made everyone's life a misery including my wife's and that I'm selfish. I tried to confide in her but she doesn't understand. When I told her I had thought of hurting myself she said "how dare you put that on me" horrendous weekend  no one is  gonna helo me I have to help myself.

Amazing how when I sit and realy think about it I can come up with solutions. It's just it doesn't take much to knock me back.no even keel at moment but I have inspiration on here. So. Gonna shower thinking of abba songs get dressed and just deal with today.
Thank you for taking time to reply. Hope you continue to do well. Xxxx

[Ladybt28]

There you go Tc - don't let the demons in your head run riot - you CAN put them back in their box!  No you cant make the time go or the drugs work quicker!
As for unsupportive family members knocking you down, try not to engage with them or discuss it, they will never understand! but just remember your sister is younger than you and it is going to happen to her someday!  Call it Karma when it happens, cos it comes to us all! Mind you she is probably going to be one of the sickening people who sails through menopause without a care in the world! ho hum but she might just have a horrible time of it and then it can be your turn to tell her "that her issues are making everyone's life a misery"! - hold that thought

"one day at a time, sweet jesus" - so says the old country song!  Shout out if you feel yourself falling 

[Tc]

Will do. Same goes to you and of the other ladies on this thread who are suffering in a similar or same way. 👍