Hi Tc - suicidal thoughts - yep have them all the time, but I was at worst for a long time in the summer and if it wasn't for the ladies on here...well. I was pretty bad in March when I got taken into hospital with sepsis and wasn't a bit bothered that they thought I was gonna die..to be honest I was a bit relieved
isn't that a terrible thing to admit to... but my thought process was "oh good, now I can take the cowards way out, nature is going to do if for me"! but no one talks about this stuff. I don't have any friends racjen so it's never a topic of conversation and only my eldest son and husband know really how bad I can be...and the ladies on here.
In the summer I was on continuous progesterone and the wrong progesterone for me but my medical records would show it is obvious that I have an underlying problem with depression and have had for 40 years, although no AD's, counselling or cbt have made it any better so I often ponder how much is hormonal? Trouble started around 13 when periods started?? AD's just made me numb, they certainly didnt help ever.
Tc - your body has had a shock regarding your op, it is not small beer by anyone's imagination. It sounds badly mismanaged but that is not your fault but it has put your body into a situation where it can't cope with others incompetence - none of us can when we can barely hold it together for more than 5 minutes!.... but we have to remember.. we are on this forum, we are all together in whatever trials we face moment to moment... there is always someone along to "talk to us" on here so we can gain a bit of comfort and perspective when we have thrown ours out the window!
I have to remember all I have written above when I disappear into the blackness...which is at some point every week... sometimes every day - so to answer the question yes there are plenty of us on here who have those thoughts and whose meno journey makes us desperate but somehow I am now hanging onto the fact that it is my body making my head bad and not that my head is the problem.... that has given me a tiny weeny bit of hope.
Love to you all out there, racjen, Tc, AgethaC and anyone else who is afraid to tell what really goes on in their head...you are not alone.