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[jillydoll]

Oh good for you, Dancing Queen.
Hope you enjoyed a little bit of it.
When I used to have family over, I was a good hostess, if I say it myself, lol
but my lot used to stay till the early hours. I was knackered!
So you go and relax now, you've done your entertaining, time for You now...
Get them feet up........

Xx

[groundhog]

Hi all and Merry Christmas.
It all went ok but I csn now breathe a sigh of relief. I was hosting and there were 11 of us , it was hard work and my husband for once helped out and is exhausted and wants to go away next year!  I think he now has a bit of an idea of how hard it is. I think everyone enjoyed.  My sister spent most of it on her phone and mentioned you csn Christmas dinner in a tin which would have been far less work😡
House is wrecked and so am I lol.
But we made it through and I think OH appreciates me a lot more tonight - he can't believe all the prep and work involved. Next year ? Definitely won't be me doing it all  x

Enjoy the rest of your Christmas ladies xx

[groundhog]

Yes hasty he was actually shocked at how much it involved.  He didn't want to go out today to my daughters as he was exhausted lol 🙄🙄🙄
Il be honest it was too much and I don't think il be volunteering again, I'd rather go out as there are 12 of us and it's too much for me anyway.  Spent all morning cleaning kitchen, dishwasher on fourth run and the food that's wasted...............
My sister has never helped, she works you see so she thinks that exempts her.  The fact i have a knackered pelvis and 3 stoma bags is not relevant.   Sorry no moaning, it's christmas x
Hope you had a nice time xx

[Ladybt28]

We had quiet day just the 3 of us but I have done Christmas for 10 of us in the past and one year there were 15 of us!  My hubby does most of the cooking so I'm lucky!  When its big Christmas we do it between us.  We do the whole Christmas thing, presents, wrapping, shopping etc together sort of 50 50 only I direct the traffic!
It was all going swimmingly until about 2 this morning when No1 son (28) who drinks far too much sent some abusive texts complaining that we hadn't phoned to say thank you for our presents despite the fact we had already spoken to him for an hour about midday plus a whole load of other unnecessary stuff about my failings as a parent!  Took the shine off a bit! but I've worked out it is just best to ignore him (although he doesn't like that either). I have tried everythign to avoid a fight at christmas bearing in mind there is a stretch of sea between us but it appears technology can stand in and someone can pick a fight with you from a distance! Hey ho on we go towards 2019!

[Shadyglade]

Well there is no such thing as a perfect parent or a perfect child.

Don't take it too much to heart. We love our children but that doesn't mean we always like them. 

[Poppi]

Yes, it's now time to look forward to New Year. Well done ladies for coping and surviving it all. It's been a comfort to me to read that we all have the same ups and down, with families good and bad

For once my hair has been ok:safe and I have made up with a dear friend who has had the worst year. I will be there for her when she needs me in 2019 and told her that. Time to count my blessings, after years of trauma and tolerating awful in-laws (who are really not worth the effort)
  Happy 2019 when it comes Girls!   

     Poppi xxx

[Poppi]

Ooops!! Don't know what safe hair is-a typo, sorry!  Just pleased with the cut and colour for a huge change!

    Poppi x

[Ladybt28]

He gets very upset because he feels that I don't talk to him as often as he thinks I should but as the years have gone by I find it more difficult because I never know whether I am going to say something which sets him off. I find it easier and safer to avoid talking to him because then I know I can't get caught out and he starts making it difficult because I've said "something".  It don't even know what it is that I said most of the time he can just kick off. I used to be very tough, but as I have got older I don't like the unpredictability of it and I know that he can make me feel very bad at the drop of a hat - it just seems wiser to avoid those situations - but then I'm dammed if I do and dammed if I don't.  The menopause causes enough problems with our emotions without throwing a few fireworks into the mix!

He is a rather troubled soul - he went to live with his father when he was 13 although I tried to stop him and his dad sort of emotionally abandoned him betwen 13 and 16 (when he walked out) and his new stepmother.....well she's the epitome of how not to do it! Actually she was downright nasty and his father always sided with her.  Somehow he blames me...he said once when he was yelling that "I should have done something about it, when he told me"....but I really dont know what I could have done because he only hinted at the time and he wouldn't leave and come home to me! He lived on his own with mates from age 16 to 23 when he move in with his grandad.  The damage is done somehow and it actually seems to be getting worse as he is getting older not less. He has taken up drinking to the extent it's a problem that everyone can see except him.  He has two distict extremes - on the onehand he can be helpful kind and supportive but if he sees some perceived slight - he will rip your head off.  Like I say I feel safer staying clear - but that's not healthy either.

[Poppi]

Ladybt, I know the feeling and don't know what to suggest. You are there for him should he want to turn to you and that's all you can do. You're a loving Mum and can do no more

 

      Poppi x

[Ladybt28]

Cheers Poppi - it's nice to be able say this stuff out loud.  Its something I rarely bring up. We will have to pick up the pieces when my dad dies cos he lives with him and boy am I dreading it when that happens he's going to be a nightmare and  I worry I wont be up to helping him in any way.  My dad is my world.

[CLKD]

Ladybt28 - he needs counselling.  Do not consider having him to live with/near you!  Make arrangements B4 push comes to shove.  My sister lets off occasionally, trouble is no one can remember the events that's she off about  .  Several years ago Mum rang me in tears asking if I remembered X-, Y, Z happening because my sister had said really nasty stuff about Mum's lack of parenting. 

Explain to your son that he is a grown up now.  That whilst he might say things you are not going to engage any more.  That if, after all these years it bothers him at all, then he must take responsibility for how he deals with it all.

We survived.  No bugs.  No rows.  Dare I say that I enjoyed more of it. ? 

[Ladybt28]

Ha Ha CKLD    blimy no rows...watch out for New Year!

Actually managed to get him to counselling once 2 years ago but unfortunately encountered a crusty ancient male psych who took 10 mins and one look at him and saw a confident, well spoken, coherent, sharp suited human - then asked about 10 questions and said "you need to pull yourself together boy! - If you still having problems in 2 months come back and see me"!  I can tell you he's never going anywhere near anyone like that again - it was like someone throwing a stick of dynamite under a bus!  And no I know I can't have him too close to me, even visits are a bit dangerous now.  I would call him a functioning alcoholic.

[CLKD]

AAAHhh - so guilt added to his problems.  Do you get support from AA-Families?

New Year will be here. Quietly spent.  The row will be with those who let off fireworks 

[Ladybt28]

Yep guilt amongst other things!  He does'nt acknowledge he has a "drink problem" so he is one of the more difficult kind of alcholics to deal with as there "is no problem" as far as he is concerned we are "just making it up".  Difficult to confront something without acknowledgement of any kind....anyway enough of him!

New Year and fireworks - we are going dancing but my poor doggies will be terrified! - the little one in particular - she will run around completely demented whilst they are going off and shake from head to foot for about 5/6 hours - its desperate to watch but there will be no getting away from them.  They like fireworks  in NI for Halloween and New Years - well any excuse really. 
My youngest son is going to spend the whole time trying to comfort her although it doesn't work. We have tried hiding her under blankets but that doesn't work either.

[BlueButterfly]

Ladybt,
I'm not sure if you've tried it or if they have them there but there's a doggie jacket called a thunder shirt or a calming jacket that is supposed to help dogs during fireworks, etc. Might be worth a try? My in-laws used one for their nervous dog and helped him out.