Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[Saffy]

Peroxideblader builders are my nightmare! Luckily, back when we renovated our house we had three floors and I could hole away on the top floor and mostly slept 'through the racket or woke and fell back to sleep quickly (those were the days  ). My OH's hours were flexible and he could let them in (or we knew them well enough to give them a key). They were forbidden to use a radio 'though as that would wake me. Many grumbled about that but none said anything about my sleep (to me  ) - just told them I had a sleep disorder (or worked shifts).

From the various forums and mail groups it seems that a lot of us who have had DSPD for years actually enjoy the wee small hours and are at our most productive/creative at that time. Although I'm sure I have the condition, there's little doubt in my mind that the extreme and increasing lateness of my sleep time is partly the result of my lifelong tendency to love my alone time at night. Over the years I have designed a kitchen, drawn up garden plans, written up specs for builders, studied and written essays, planted seeds, potted on plants, cooked meals, read and/or chatted on forums, watched Youtube videos, read Twitter, watched TV programmes that my OH hates, re-organised cupboards, shopped for household goods and clothes, tried out makeup, bathed and pampered, done the washing, read until my eyes hurt and still not wanted to sleep because I've found something else to do/read  . I also find that the busier or more stressful the day, the later I go to sleep as I need more time alone to recover/do all the stuff I want to do by myself. These days I'm far less productive as menopause is exhausting me but I still happily do the bathing/reading/TV/internet/video/organising stuff thing for hours and hours after my OH goes to bed  .

[CLKD]

I'm afraid that the builders would have lost the job!  My House.  My Rules - though 'they' did have the radio on yesterday  indoors when they were outside having a fag - another issue for me  - but they did a good job.  As for not starting later than 8.30., that's the legal requirement - until 4.30.  9.00-12 on Sat and no building work on Sundays.  Fortunately we knew our builder well enough that a) he wouldn't even consider such statements and b) if we needed him to arrive later, he would find something else to do.

Sleep deprivation is the pits.  Because we are a 24/7 society we often don't feel able to sleep when our bodies/brains need it in order to remain well because we have to serve the needs of others.  Which has a knock on effect.  I have always been able to sleep on a linen line when my brain shuts off, though sometimes I get nights when sleep is evasive  .  When my brain shuts off I'm gone ........ often waking at the end of a TV programme that I really wanted to see  .

[jaypo]

Here here  clkd,
Peroxideblader you MUST stop calling yourself a failure,that would mean the lot of us on here are failures and that,we are definitely not.
I also hate the word “normal” what is normal? I've never been normal,I call myself unique 😊 which is what we are

[Peroxideblader]

thank you...I'm not normal I guess like you say and unique  sounds much nice..I'll have to practice that word see if it sticks..😊
clkd you're lucky having an understanding builder sadly ours aren't they are old school men as in woman gets up at 6am cools breakfast makes 50 cups of tea and stays out of their way. a tiler rang this morning f7nnoly enough and when adriano told him he has to come for 930 no earlier as I have a sleep problem he said yeh it's called being an idle sod and he needed to put his foot down...hmmm..can't wait to meet this lovely man he'll regret saying that!!
as for being productive afyer midnight I've also read that but because I'm not a natural night owl I'm too tired to do much physically my body is asleep but my brain is on full alert plus I have been told repeatedly no screens no tv just read or relax.  I've so many programmes I want to watch and house renovations I could be doing but we live in an open plan small bungalow so I can't make noise or put the TV on it'd wake me partner and dog then I would be in trouble..
I am doing a online course but I find anything I study in the early hours goes in my head then straight out again so it's not very productive..the good thing is I'm very erudite and my local library knows me like a best friend...5 hours reading a night I whizz through them. 😊

[jaypo]

Shall all of us on here come to your house?we'll all meet this tiler,wouldn't that be interesting 😂we'd have to keep clkd on a very tight lead though 🤣🤣

[sheila99]

No - let's go to HIS house at 4am and start knocking walls out... Well, not me, I'll be asleep (I hope), just everyone who had trouble sleeping.

[CLKD]

   what amazes me is that the man in this household who took the call from the tiler this morning, agreed that he can continue with the job.  No support there then? 

I will crank up the charabanc   

[jaypo]

How many of us will you get in said charabanc?you'll recognise me as i'll Be the one with a baseball bat in my hand😄

[CLKD]

It's the size of a coach .......... no heating, no air conditioning, no seat belts, aged about 1930s 

[NorthArm]

I really feel for you Peroxideblader

It's awful when the OH doesn't / won't understand 😞😞

Mine pays lip service, but when it all comes down to it - he gets boiling mad if I so much ask home to finish a chore that he's supposed to have finished...! As I've said before, the mirtazapine (tiny dose) helps me, but just lately I've had to increase the dose to 15mg as although it helps me get to sleep, I've been waking by around 2am, again. So frustrating 😐😐😐. Mine wouldn't dare call me lazy, etc as he would take sitting in front of telly / playing xbox, over doing anything at all!! Which is a whole other story in itself. His snoring is so shocking (apnoea) that I've had to move into the spare room....he's not happy, but as he won't do anything about the apnoea (in fact gets really angry when I mention it!) it's down to him really. Like yours, he's opinionated, and like you, I've let many things slide I've the last four years we've been together.

But no more - I've started asking him for things - chores done, help with dinner, my daughter, the gardens etc, and as I'm expecting him to explode I ready myself for it, speak quietly in return, and walk away. Happened yesterday, three times. As much as I wanted to, I didn't react, the jobs got done. He expected lots of praise, but I gave none, saying instead that it was nice to have those things out of the way now. He rang his mother to big note himself, especially about the garden, and she just commented that ‘yes, the outside of the house is very imprtant to always keep looking nice' ...and yes, I had a quiet chuckle to myself. He was much mollified by evening. This is just a small example of what I've chosen for myself, very similar to my first marriage, and frankly, like you, I'm done. I have my own crap to deal with without the ‘third child'.

However, this is about you and your lack of sleep. Have you had a ‘sleep study' done, or been to see a sleep specialist? There is so much that can be done in this field. If you do have the dsp disorder, they will diagnose it properly for you, and they will sit your OH down and explain, in black and white, how it is. That should stop him from calling you ‘hypochondriac', especially if it comes from a male specialist as your man sound slightly misogynist. I believe a lot of his issues stem from his mother always ‘being ill', so perhaps some relationship counselling might help you both. And maybe have a male counsellor for that too. Some men won't take any info from a woman - mines like that, and yours may well be too xx

And as for previous partners ‘sailing thru' meno...don't make me laugh - why isn't he still with them then? More likely, they were lovely women like yourself who bottled it all up, and when it became too much, ended things. Marriage is ‘for better or worse' and all things need to be shared. The underpinning thing with any marriage is trust. Your trust in him to feel safe and supported has been seriously undermined by his own egotistical behaviour and this is actually making things worse for you. If he won't go to relationship counselling, maybe you could see a relationship counsellor in your own - it really will help you to sort out your true feelings about it all.

I don't have anything to offer you re your sleep, but please look after you - try and stay calm in the face of his unjustified anger (very hard, I know)

Good luck with it all xx

[sheila99]

His snoring is so shocking (apnoea) that I've had to move into the spare room....he's not happy, but as he won't do anything about the apnoea (in fact gets really angry when I mention it!) it's down to him really.

I find a sharp elbow applied to the ribs does the trick. I have it down to a fine art - just enough to stop him snoring, not so much that he realises it was me that woke him up

Some men won't take any info from a woman - mines like that, and yours may well be too xx

Grounds for divorce IMO.

[CLKD]

   NorthArm - FabULUS!

Mine had sleep apnoea which would wake me when *he* stopped breathing.  We went to the GP and he was told that losing weight would help ;-).  It did.  He no longer holds his breath ........

I wouldn't be moving from our bed as it has the lleccy blanket on ;-). He'd be into the spare room, on the floor 'cos the bed has 'stuff' on it waiting to be hung in the cupboards 

Someone told me this morning that I am 'unique'.  A woman I have never met B4 and I can't remember how the conversation was going  .  Must polish the halo    .

Remember too that you are not responsible for how he reacts to your asking for assistance.  Walking away after making your suggestion is good.   

[Saffy]

Good grief what is it with all these men and their attitudes  . Seriously ladies you all have more patience than I, I couldn't be dealing with all that nonsense. Can you see why I never had children? 

Peroxideblader - I use blue light blocking specs for three or four hours before bed so you can use all devices and watch as much TV as you like without it affecting your sleep. I do tend to creep about a lot more in this house (modern with cardboard walls!) but my OH never wakes when I watch TV/videos, even if I'm in the next room - can you get some headphones? Seems unfair that you are condemmed to read only!

[Ladybt28]

OH never wakes up when I am working in the office next door to our bedroom (Like I am now ) he never hears the printer going in the middle of the night.  Nice to see you still up Saffy!    I can even read an ipad lying next to him - he's out like a light and he snores - I wish I could attach a microphone to this post you would all be able to hear him!  Actually, sometimes I find it intensely annoying but it's not his fault I suppose.

Hum men and attitudes - got rid of one like that but struck gold with the second one.  Sometimes if I do wake him coming to bed in the middle of the night he will go and make me a "sleepy tea" which is teabags including chamomile and valerian which are supposed to help sleep.

Hey Peroxidblader - defo keep practising "unique" in front of a mirror preferably and it will stick and try some of NorthArm's tactics - it kind of takes them by surprise  (nice one NorthArm)- they don't expect that sort of approach but I found with first hubby it could go one of three ways - either it worked a treat and got things done or he got massively p**d off or I couldn't keep calm and lost my sh** instead  which defeated the object.  Anyway we are sending a parcel load of Gumption (metophorically speaking) so you can start challenging his unsupportive attitude  (I'm being polite!) cos I'm with CLKD
 - he was just plain disrespectful allowing the tiler to talk about you in that way and well the flaming tiler would be given his marching orders when he turned up at my house!  In my opinion his behaviour the more I hear is pretty out of order really - so exactly what does this bloke have going for him - you say you still love him in early post...hum... he talks about you changing but how has he changed over the 8 years you have been together?

[NorthArm]

Oh lol Sheila and CKLD 😂

I've tried the elbow, numerous times, he snores in any position, truly. At least my ex husband would stop when he laid on his side. This one has severe polyps too - he won't do anything about it, sleeps like crap (tries to tell me it's because I won't sleep in there with him, such bs, his ex told me it was like that when they were together 😂), so as far as I'm concerned it's his problem....

And CKLD - he just WON'T take care of his health - won't get the well man check, he's 20kg at least (approx 3.5 stone) overweight, full of polyps. Can't climb stairs without gasping...full of arthritis, up three times a night to pee, probably has early type 2 diabetes, eats nothing but crisps and chocolate when I'm not around...the list goes on!! I used to worry about it, but he got so angry I've decided to look after me instead. The spare room is much nicer - bed is more comfy, it's much darker and quieter in the middle of the house - he gets the neighbour's dog barking all night 😂😂....if he won't take care of himself, again, no problem of mine....xx

And yes, I no longer react to his bs - at 52, with my own career I can well take care of me and mine, at the moment he's on very thin ice - we have a lottery called powerball, and the slogan is ‘one powerball, and I'm out of here'. So I'm letting him continue on his shabby, half arsed way of doing things, his shirty attitude to me, etc...the minute our house is sold, it's ‘one powerball' for me.....I am so done with it all