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[CLKD]

When I was ill I never got the same person twice at Samaritans, they are encouraged not to build up a relationship with a caller.  I got worn out telling different people the same thing  so after 3 times, I stopped ringing.

[AgathaC]

Completely agree and understand CLKD. I'm sure Racjen knows she won't get continuity of care/support but she will get a sympathetic ear in a time of complete crisis.
What is encouraging is that you (CLKD) were ill enough to call three times but you have made it through. That sort of thing gives great hope to sufferers of anxiety and/or depression like Racjen, myself and others, together with the other wise words you often post (your diary tips helped me no end).
Love to all and big hugs to Racjen x

[CLKD]

 

It's the constant despair ......... people can't understand how I could be OK one moment then curled up crying the next. 

[racjen]

It's the constant despair ......... people can't understand how I could be OK one moment then curled up crying the next.

Exactly - I know that I feel the same level of desperation every morning, but on a good day I can pull myself together and seem relatively normal to the world. Some days yes we can even go out for the day and I can cope. But not today, I literally couldn't leave the sofa all day. And AgathaC, it's not cyclical, I have no functioning ovaries so it's constant, the only fluctuations are to do with things I'm putting into my body to try and find a solution ie HRT, ADs, CBD oil etc. etc. - all of which seem to make things worse.

[AgathaC]

I don't know too much about the CBD oil. What is it supposed to do? X
Sorry if I said cyclical, not well explained x

[Annie0710]

Racjen my ovaries were on a decline functioning-wise since I was 32 and a scan at 48 couldn't detect them, it's been diagnosed as they have shrivelled and disintegrated, this seems the most logical explanation as at age 45 I literally came crashing down, terrible low mood, anxiety, lots of awful and different symptoms to what I had at 32 with ovaries just failing.   Testosterone replacement has been my saviour, have you tried it? It levelled my mood, gave me hope, and energy.  I now enjoy new hobbies, socialising and although I still have wobbles they are nothing compared to my days pre-T replacement x

[Ladybt28]

Hi Racjen - so happy to hear that you have surfaced enough to post here - that's a good sign! We are so relieved to hear from you.  I understand about the breast cancer and that you have no working overies relying on hrt only but there is no reason why you shouldn't be like any of us and find that some regimes may work better for you than others?  For example why will something work for AgathaC but the same thing won't work for me?  I'm pretty sure that if AgathaC or I both lost our overies surgically we wouldn't necessarily get the same relief from the same HRT regime.  That's what I meant about fluctuating hormones - the ones that are being put back through your hrt regime - they will fluctuate depending on absorption and how long they stay in your body and how they react with what other meds you use. They might not be working the right way for you? Hurdity always flags about absorption through different methods when explaining why gel might work for someone but patches work for others and then others have to take tablets.  They should all work the same way but what gets written here proves that they don't and that is because we are all different and our bodies work in different ways.

Only 17 days until you can see someone properly at the meno clinic in Poole and I really hope you get someone knowledgeable and sensible like AgathaC says... someone who can evaluate your situation properly because it is different from most of us here - you need to hang on in their which ever way you can.  We are all wishing you well and thinking of you - I've been where you are and so have a lot of the other posting.  Keep posting 

[AgathaC]

Just logging on to see how Racjen is this morning?
Hope you had a better night and you feel you can face today x

[racjen]

Struggling to get through the crippling morning anxiety again, after another bad night. I'm lying here in bed sobbing at the moment, haven't got the energy to get myself moving.

[Gangan]

I've no wish to sound trivial but have you tried taking sleeping tablets to try to get a good nights sleep ?
Sleep patterns are so important for your mental health. I watched my mother sink into depression and my daughter has been treated at the RD&E in recent years. My daughter now manages without medication but does watch her sleep patterns and orders tablets when she is slipping.
I realise menopause doesn't help.

Gangan X

[racjen]

Sleeping tablets don't work for me unfortunately - have tried Zopiclone and another Z one, no effect whatsoever. I don't know if there are any other types available.

Not on my own, my daugher is with me today, thanks Sparkle x

[EnglishRose]

Sleeping tablets don't work for me unfortunately - have tried Zopiclone and another Z one, no effect whatsoever. I don't know if there are any other types available.

Not on my own, my daugher is with me today, thanks Sparkle x

Temazopam and other “pams lorazepam etc..

Also not knowing what meds you're on if any, but some ADs have excellent drowsiness so you take them at night
Dosulpine is one I take at a low dose it's an old Tricyclic though and no longer one they like to prescribe due to known heart issues
I asked for it as mum had used it without issues for years.
This was when I tuned 40 and had an episode which the doctor flat out refused to consider maybe hormonal bc “I was too young”
so slapped me on ADs told me I had depression.

 Took me two years following to see my symptoms appeared 2 weeks before me period even with the ADs. (Never had pms before I turned 40 so did not understand the anxiety insomnia and depression out of the blue)

Anyway the point is, whilst it doesn't treat hormonal ups and downs it certainly helps me sleep. I used to be a natural early riser at 7 without an alarm
Since taking Dosulpine and assuming I'm not having a bout of insomnia myself I can sleep 11 hours.

You should ask your doctor for an AD that has a calming effect and not one that has a uplifting effect like Prozac. Prozac made me wired.

[Ladybt28]

I have said before in another post try valerian-hops drops from a proper health food shop - completely natural and work a treat also I buy melatonin from America over the internet.  It is the chemical that our body uses to react to light and put us to sleep.  You cant get it here but you can buy it - another lady here uses it.  It also works brilliantly and believe me I don't sleep and when I was at my worst went about 3 days on a couple of hours.

I have had and don't like sleeping tablets either the ones the doc gives or the ones you can buy for short use in Boots.  They give me this horrible hung over feeling and I feel like I cant wake properly afterwards.

One thing to go with my post of yesterday when I said "fluctuating hormones"  Hurdity posted today on another ladies post about someone who had had their overies removed - she said that you would have no testosterone at all.  This is likely to be contributing also to you feeling so bad.  One for the list for the meno clinic?

[Kathleen]

Hello racjen.

I've just caught this thread and wanted to send you my best wishes.

I completely understand how you feel and how desperate and frustrated you must be. Unfortunately I can't add anything to the advice you've been given but I hope you feel better soon.

Take care and sending hugs.

K.

[BlueButterfly]

Sleeping tablets don't work for me unfortunately - have tried Zopiclone and another Z one, no effect whatsoever. I don't know if there are any other types available.

Not on my own, my daugher is with me today, thanks Sparkle x

I'm glad you have your daughter with you today. I know your babies (I know all grown but always our babies) are what helps you keep going. And just keep going. I know it's hard but you are an amazing, strong woman as you've proven.

I don't do well with sleeping tablets either. Things that should calm me down/make me drowsy don't. Thinks that should wake me, like caffeine, are actually calming and I've used that to fall asleep at night before. I have attention deficit disorder so that's why for me.(not saying you do it anything) I do tend to sleep longer, mostly, on a full dose of Benadryl. But that's still not a guarantee. If I can fall asleep, it's about the only thing that keeps me asleep when I'm having problems.

Melatonin is worth a shot. Start small and work up the dose. If you start having really odd dreams (you'll know) then the dose is too high.

I hope you can get some good sleep. I know that helps with the morning anxiety.