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[EnglishRose]

I have said before in another post try valerian-hops drops from a proper health food shop - completely natural and work a treat also I buy melatonin from America over the internet.  It is the chemical that our body uses to react to light and put us to sleep.  You cant get it here but you can buy it - another lady here uses it.  It also works brilliantly and believe me I don't sleep and when I was at my worst went about 3 days on a couple of hours

I use a protein mix called About Time ZZ also from the USA which knocks me out it contains Meletonin and Tryptophan both natural. However after 2 nights use it stops working due to tolerance  so I only use it occasionally.

https://tryabouttime.com/products/nighttime-recovery-formula

[SueLW]

You say you have daily morning anxiety which passes in the afternoon.  Have you had your cortisol level checked first thing in the morning?  If not, ask your GP to test it for you.  Too high or too low at wake up time can create havoc mentally.  Cortisol production is running on a circadian rhythm and should be highest first thing in the morning when you wake and lowest last thing at night.  You can't sleep so that could mean you have high cortisol at night and then you have the anxiety in the morning which could mean you are too low or high at that point.  This is not something your average GP will think of unless you talk to them about it.  It's just a blood test, so it's easy for them to make an initial check on the morning level. 

[CLKD]

I would stop everything other than a balanced diet.  There are so many un-known factors in the CBD oils  regardless of the current hype  ....... meletonin is prescribed to those over the age off 55 who can't sleep - apparently lots of children are getting it but it is messing with other health factors. Must dig out the article.

Also one can be sensitivity to the fillers and coverings of medications.  So cutting out everything will stop any of that sensitivity.

Keep hydrated.  Eat little and often.  Allow your body to shed itself of any medication prescribed or otherwise.  Let it go back to nature rather than pumping stuff into it.  The body heals itself when allowed to do so unless one has a chronic condition.  I have to take ADs for Life in order to keep my brain supported.  [never had any tests though to see what it's lacking  ]

You say that you react opposite to what medications are prescribed to do ........ there must be a reason for that. It could be adrenaline that pushes medication into the system too fast ........... which might be due to the cortisol effect.  Which is of course natural.

[racjen]

I don't know too much about the CBD oil. What is it supposed to do? X
Sorry if I said cyclical, not well explained x

AgathaC, CBD is the non-psychoactive element of cannabis. It's all the rage at the moment for treating anxiety, depression, insomnia and a whole host of other ailments. Extremely expensive and so far not doing a lot for me, but I have read that for anxiety particularly it requires very high doses and that would be ridiculously expensive.

[CLKD]

It is hype at the moment and only prescribed to those who require it and NOT by GPs.  Specialists have been given a Special Licence.  Long-term effects are unknown.

[racjen]

Thanks for all the advice. One of my biggest problems is that I can't tolerate any ADs at all - have tried 8 or 9 different ones from different classes, and all make me suicidally depressed within days. I am also seriously testosterone deficient, but after a week on that I was again suicidally depressed. My cortisol level was checked a few months ago and it was normal, so that one seems to be a dead end too.

All this is why I say I feel like there's just something wrong with my brain that means that nothing works the way it should. There's clearly some missing piece of the jigsaw at the moment. The only things that work to blast the anxiety and depression out of my system are cold water swimming, and really strenuous exercise. So this morning at 9am I was swimming in the River Dart in the rain, not most people's idea of a relaxing Sunday morning, but it transformed my mood from yesterday when I literally couldn't get out of bed. And I have a rigorous program of Kundalini yoga (much harder work than any yoga I've done before) and Zumba classes during the week. I know it's all good for my health in general, but it's bloody knackering having to do this stuff just to keep going, and I wish there was more understanding of how the brain works so that I didn't have to put in so much effort just to have a half normal life.

[Gangan]

As little is working for you i'm just posting this as i am wondering if you may be able to get some help from researchers at the Uni. Or that they may be able to point you in some direction.

http://www.exeter.ac.uk/mooddisorders/

Gangan X

[racjen]

Thanks Gangan, I live in South Devon so Exeter is just up the road for me - will definitely look into it . (By the way, Gangan is what we called my maternal Grandmother as my eldest brother couldn't say granny!)x

[AgathaC]

I like Gangan's suggestion a lot.

[Hurdity]

Hi racjen

So sorry to hear about how you've been feeling. I can't add any particular words of advice but just to say I hope you are feeling better today. If you can possibly do so - keep up with that exercise and fresh air - sounds wonderfully therapeutic!

Hurdity x

[Dancing Queen]

Running and dancing are the only things that keep me (vaguely) sane. Yes to exercise! x

[GypsyRoseLee]

Have only just seen this racjen. I have been exactly where you are now and I completely get how despairing and desperate you are feeling right now. But it always passed in time. And this will pass for you. It will, I promise.

Patches didn't work for me. The only thing which has worked is a consistently high dose of 4 pumps of oestrogen. And even that took months to work fully.

Prof Studd explained to me that every woman needs a different balance of hormones to feel okay. Some women are fine with a pmol of only 250, others feel suicidal at that level (me) and need a pmol of over 800.

I follow Dr Louise News on on Instagram and she has just opened a private menopause clinic in the Midlands. She totally gets what women are suffering with. Maybe you could get an appt there?

[racjen]

Thanks GRL, have been feeling slightly better today and yesterday,but only because I persuaded my GP that going up a step onto lorazepam was a better option than taking an overdose. So I have limited relief from the crippling anxiety for now, but I know it won't last long. I've battled for a year to get my GP to refer me to an NHS menopause clinic (Poole) and I finally have that appointment coming up in a couple of weeks time. So will see if anything comes out of that. If not I'll consider Louise Newsom, although it's a long way to go from Devon and a huge outlay of my precious savings (I've now lost my job due to all this and have no partner or family to support me, so money has become a huge issue). Good to know you found a solution in the end though xxx

[BlueButterfly]

Racjen,

I'm glad they let you step up your dose and you are feeling a bit better. Definitely better to do that then the other option you mentioned for sure! I hope that the appointment at the meno clinic gives you some solutions!

[EnglishRose]

Thanks for all the advice. One of my biggest problems is that I can't tolerate any ADs at all - have tried 8 or 9 different ones from different classes, and all make me suicidally depressed within days. I am also seriously testosterone deficient, but after a week on that I was again suicidally depressed. My cortisol level was checked a few months ago and it was normal, so that one seems to be a dead end too.

All this is why I say I feel like there's just something wrong with my brain that means that nothing works the way it should. There's clearly some missing piece of the jigsaw at the moment. The only things that work to blast the anxiety and depression out of my system are cold water swimming, and really strenuous exercise. So this morning at 9am I was swimming in the River Dart in the rain, not most people's idea of a relaxing Sunday morning, but it transformed my mood from yesterday when I literally couldn't get out of bed. And I have a rigorous program of Kundaluini yoga (much harder work than any yoga I've done before) and Zumba classes during the week. I know it's all good for my health in general, but it's bloody knackering having to do this stuff just to keep going, and I wish there was more understanding of how the brain works so that I didn't have to put in so much effort just to have a half normal life.

Sounds testosterone linked
Exercise does increase testosterone levels the more aggressive the better.
How frustrating you cannot tolerate testosterone

All Types of Exercise Count. Endurance training and resistance training (such as weight lifting) both boost testosterone levels briefly, Schroeder says. Lifting weights or doing other strength-training workouts has a bigger effect on your testosterone, Schroeder says.6 May 2015

Is there not a body identical version, I wonder.