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[kazy68]

Hi all,
Well it been a rough few months, not had a period since August  but that doesn't stop the symptoms, I have aches and pains all over the place, spondilits (sp)  in my neck wish has been giving me grief for a week with pain going down my shoulders, meds doing nothing as per, stomach cramps to die for, and as you can see by the time trouble sleeping had an hour and fifteen minutes then woke for the loo and hey ho I'm still awake, Dr won't give hrt as I'm overweight hence I'm dieting, but by the time I've lost enough it will be to late for it anyway..
I feel as though I'm stuck in a rut, get up every day, do housework, youngest granddaughter arrives at 1pm, play for a while, fetch 2 older grandchildren from school at 3.15pm they get picked up between 4.45 and 6.00pm, do tea clean again, have shower then go to bed this is 5 days a week, so weekends I don't want to do anything, can't be bothered and when I do feel like it I feel bad on oh cause he is shattered he does a lot of driving each week for work so weekends he wants to relax and not go anywhere.
I could cry at the drop of a hat, hot flushes today seem to be every 20 minutes, I just feel down so so down,
Sorry for moaning just needed to get it out

Karen

P.s still not had a ciggie tho
Xxx

[AgathaC]

Karen - you poor thing. Sounds like a routine, for sure!!
Well done on not smoking and on trying to diet.
There was a thread a couple of weeks ago about grandmas doing too much. Did you see it?
Sounds like you need a break and some “me” time.
Have a look on that thread and maybe post again on there?

[aspie65]

If your doctor won't give you HRT talk to him about alternatives to get you through this phase such as clonidine for hot flushes, an SSRI for mood problems and something for your aches and pains ( pregabalin or gapapentin are drugs that may help pain which are safe for long term use).  You really shouldn't have to suffer this much.

[SueLW]

Go and demand (nicely) that they give you some transdermal HRT such as patch or gel.  There are no contraindications with weight on the transdermal products.  You could have a Mirena coil fitted for the progesterone or use Utrogestan either orally or vaginally. 

He is not looking after your midlife needs by saying you can't have it because of weight.  They tell us what they think they can get away with.  In fact, if you don't fancy the argument with the GP, make an appointment to discuss this with your nurse practitioner first.  You will get a longer appointment and they may well be more on your side. 

[SueLW]

Oh, one more thing, tell your daughter or son that you can't do this routine with their children every day of the week.  It's too limiting and too tiring.  Discuss how much you might be able to do (no more than 3 days really) so that they can find alternative childcare for the other days.  You have done your parenting.  You didn't apply for this role.  This is your life.  Stand up for it.

[Charlie62]

Hi kazy68
I'm New to this site but have posted a couple of times. the help, support and advice from others who are going through the same things has helped me, although I am still confused about the different types of treatments on offer.
I have found I can deal with physical symptoms but not the psychological ones. I have found writing a journal helps but also walking. Are you able to do that? I go for a short walk most days. Sometimes on my own, sometimes with a friend & I say hello, good morning/afternoon to people who are also out walking or having a stroll with their dogs. It's surprising how someone responding with a cheery hello back lifts your mood ☺
I hope your doctor can help with medication & well done for giving up the ciggies

[CLKD]

Your GP is talking crap!   Did you get any advice about supported weight loss?  Or about transdermal HRT?

Make a list and lay your symptoms on hard, as suggested, with a Nurse Practitioner.  Let us know how you get on!

[CarryWarry]

Hi Karen - you poor thing, you feel how I did but I'm much better now.  As CKLD said and as Sue said, you're not being cared for properly by your GP.  My BMI is 34 and I am on transdermal HRT (I use gel and patches and mirena coil).  I was given other drugs in the interim to try and combat problems but it is the HRT that has been the magical one.  Can you see another doctor??  Perhaps you could ask your surgery who might be best to see with regards to getting HRT?  There will be a way to feel better but you have to keep drumming away, getting what you want...!  It took me 2 years.  Keep trying chuck.  Hugs to you.

[SueLW]

It took me 2 years. 

It's like they are trying to punish us for being female!  2 years!  They (I'm assuming a man here) wouldn't last 2 weeks if the boot were on the other foot.

[CLKD]

Maybe that should be our parting shot: "If you had a split in your penis and was told to put some cream on it ........ " ?? or "Live with it, it's your age!" .....

[kazy68]

Thx all for replying,
I'm dead on my legs today after hubby alarm went off at 5.30 I managed to get an hour then up and at it, tried to get a gp app none available for 3 weeks  I booked it but have to call every day to see if there is a cancellation, I won't hold my breath tho, I have written down all I need to and will add to it as and when I have problems or 're occurring ones and take it with me when I go, as for the grandchildren there is no one else to have them, the youngest other nan has her from 7.30 till 1.00pm then it's me until 5.30 6.00 except Fridays when she gets here at 11.00 till 4.00 or 5.00 according to shifts they work, this has been routine since she was 4 months old, her other nan has a lot of holidays then it's down to me they will bring her at 7.00am until they finish and it is not just for a week last year was 3 weeks at a time 4 times I haven't had a holiday in years could really do with one right now, don't get me wrong I'm not to old to look after them I'm 49 ( the big 50 December) but I'm tired, daren't say anything out of place or I get it in the neck with son ( he's always been the same HARD WORK) I take him with a pinch of salt if he don't visit it's his loss I'm not going  to worry over him, he has been away so many weekends this year it's unreal other nan has little one when they go and here's me can't even get a night away.
Sorry for rant but it does make me feel a bit better.

Karen
Xxx

[SueLW]

You are really being put upon here!

Your duties finished when he got married.  I know grandparents might want to help a bit, but this is unpaid daily WORK!

There is someone else to have them.  Child care.  But it has to be paid for.  The child care should have been considered in the mix when deciding to have kids.  If you suddenly had to go into hospital (I hope not, but for example) for a couple of weeks and the other Nan was on holiday, they would have to find a way. 

I guess it's hard.  But the only way this unpaid nanny work will change is if you change it I'm afraid.  Grandparents used to look after the young children in extended families.  But then their own needs were met by the younger adults so it was a win/win situation and the older people were looked after in the home until the end.  We are now seeing a distanced, truncated version of this which is basically taking advantage of grandparents in return for nothing.  When you need help will they be there looking after you every day? 

It's the last thing you need as you have to deal with menopause to be honest.

I hope you can come up with some ground rules for you. 

[CLKD]

GPs can use the guidelines as that: guidelines.  These are not written in stone so they don't have to even read them!

As for child care - are you afraid of their parents?  Is it easier to keep the peace .......... however, this is your house, your rules and we are non of us getting younger! 

[Ladybt28]

Hey Karen, you rant away.  Its really tough whether you are looking after grandchildren or sick and/or elderly relatives. My husband and I work from home and are supposed to be working full time but we have loads of sick people in our family because of a genetic illness so guess what happens... yep...when someone needs a lift to the doctors or a prescription collecting or a hospital appointment or shopping cos they cant get out.... "who ya gonna call"?  (well its not Ghostbusters that's for sure!!!)….it's us.... because we are in house and can drop everything at the drop of a hat!  They don't call their own sons and daughters because they "are at work"!   Nor do they call another one of their younger siblings because..."well you know, aunt Nellie isn't all that well herself"! 

I know how you feel though, its really hard to say know especially when it is something you have been doing for a while, it sort of becomes expected.  SueLW is right often grandparents did do a fair bit in the home but they probably lived under the same roof and as she says looked after until the end.  Its not the same now - there's helping out and being the equivalent of a nursery nurse and if you're not feeling great its even worse, plus I know what you mean about son's.  My youngest at 21! still lives at home as most young people do now adays but he still behaves like he is 12 and expects me run around after him because I always have done.  Its just the way of the world these days although it shouldnt be but it is very hard to change.  Karen - just say "sorry I cant have them on such and such a day because I am going out".  As long as they get a fair notice, they will just have to deal with it (doesnt matter whether you have something planned or not but it will just give you some time to yourself) 

[CLKD]

So Ladybt28 - you do what about your '12' year old  .

It isn't easy to alter life-style because people get engrained.  I know that had we remained in the village where we were raised and married from our marriage wouldn't have lasted.  It would have been Sunday dinner with one set of parents and tea with the others until it got to the point of not daring to mention a change of routine.   .  Now we are older we are quite happy to alter arrangements with others in order to suit us ;-).

Maybe invite them kazy68 - to afternoon tea at the weekend?  Point out that Life has altered for them, being parents and for you with various health issues. 

Ask them whether they have noticed how tired you have been and how ill you look, and if not, why not?!?

Put it to them that the time has arrived, sooner than you wanted but it has, that you need to take more rest and will be going for various appts. to sort out the health problems.  You don't need to go into depth but put your foot down with a firm hand! How much you tell anyone about your health needs is entirely up to you, you do not have to feed their "OH BUT" as this is private to you.

Then it's "As from X, Y, Z you will need to find different health care for ........... ".  I may in future be able to step back in but at this point, I have to take care of me.  I have to be healthy in order to care for others and right now, I'm not healthy enough"

It really does get easier to keep saying 'no'