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[racjen]

This is a continuation of my long and bloody exhausting story! Had an appointment with consultant gynaecologist earlier this week (all of 15 mins) during which we decided I might as well try a mirena in a bid to even out progesterone levels to try and combat intolerable anxiety. While I wait for an appointment to get this done and see if it helps, I still have to deal with intolerable morning anxiety which is slowly destroying my mental health. I can't tolerate any of the usual psychiatric drugs for anxiety, so I've had to give in and accept that I'm stuck with a hefty dose of diazepam every morning to make life tolerable. Those of you who've seen my previous posts will know that I'm very anti benzodiazapenes, but I really have got to the point where it's that or risk flipping and taking an overdose one of these mornings just to get away from the unbearable feeling. What else can I do - it really has become a case of the lesser of two evils just to keep on living any kind of life at all.

[AgathaC]

Hello Racjen - wish I could reach out and squeeze your hand. Keep posting. It helps to write it down and someone is always listening. I'm following your story and yes it is exhausting but not because of you but because of what you are going through. I'm so sorry and sending lots of love. Hope you can get some rest and find some peace this weekend. I think you've got two older daughters. Are they with you for company? Xx

[CLKD]

Morning.  Are you planning to take the medication overnight and how much has been prescribed?

I probably said [in various threads here] that in the 1990s I had it at (if memory serves me) 10mg 3 times a day for a week then 5mg twice a day followed by as necessary.  It gets to the point of sink or swim a bit doesn't it  .......... you also know that it worked for me.   Taken the night B4 an important Event saved my skin many times.

I wish you well.  I am worse in the mornings, by evening I am a different person [if that makes sense].  I never wanted to die, but simply to sleep until I could wake with the pain and fear gone .........

[Annie0710]

Don't be anti diazepam if you can, if you need them, take them.  I wish you so well, no one should have to suffer like this.  Hopefully they will let you face the day with peace and calm, much love xxx

[Lisa1966]

Hi, I am sorry to see you are still suffering so badly,as you know I have been where you are right now,and I know you can't see an end to it,but it will get better,you have to believe that,or you will just keep scaring yourself,I am able to cope now although I still have some problems,the anxiety is manageable,yours will be too,just hang in there and keep fighting,don't give up,you will get better.

 Sending hugs Lisa xx

[Kathleen]

Hello racjen.

My heart goes out to you. Back in the day I had horrendous hormonal surges that would shake me awake in the morning. Thankfully they have now abated but whether that's due to HRT or just me moving through the meno gears is hard to say.

I am off to a wedding today and  dreading it because of my anxiety so I'll definitely be taking diazepam at some point. Needs must when the devil drives, as they say.


Wishing you well and sending hugs.

K.

[aspie65]

Oh racjen my heart goes out to you.  Don't worry about the diazepam, just focus on getting through this one day at a time.  When I was suffering I would've taken anything, and I mean anything, to get through it. 

[Abba Fan]

Racjen, I'm so against benzos too, but I've been where you are and know that you can't live without them until you find a way to manage the anxiety. When the time is right and you're feeling like you can start to withdraw from them, there's plenty of help out there to wean you off safely. The mirena coil is a good start because when you do wean off them you'll have the constant supply of progesterone as this usually causes huge problems because as you know they both play on your Gaba receptors and when you don't take progesterone all the time, that's when you get into trouble. If you ever need any help when it's time to wean give me a dm and I'll help you get there xx.

[CLKD]

When I woke at 3.15 for a bathroom visit I thought of you  ......... half a day at a time!

[racjen]

Thanks all - I'm just keeping on keeping on...xxx

[CLKD]

Any improvement of note yet?

[racjen]

Well yeah, I always knew that taking 10mg of diazepam every morning would almost eradicate the dread until it fades out on its own anyway. The point is I've resisted up until now because, having already been on that tolerance escalator once peri-menopausally and had to go through withdrawal from a significant regular dose of lorazepam, i didn't want to end up there again. Looks like I have no choice though....Feeling pretty depressed about the whole situation and waiting for an appointment to get the mirena done x

[AgathaC]

I'm so sorry Racjen that you've been feeling crap (understatement) for ages. It's hard to break the cycle of hormonal anxiety or depression. It's not like a bad relationship or horrid job, where you can at least try and break the cycle. We are stuck with our hormonal ups and downs, maybe mitigated by lifestyle changes, HRT, etc. It's hard not to feel helpless and I definitely feel like I woke up in someone else's body about four years ago! Just remember that no one is judging you if you need medication. If it helps you, have it. I don't have any medication of any kind but I wonder if that's wise some days. My anxiety is making sleep difficult and lots of wine and some sleeping pills sounds very tempting.

[CLKD]

How about 10mg every 3rd morning?  I get a good result for 2 days following either Valium or Lorazapam.  I have in the past taken either for 3 days then if symptoms upset me. It's the Trial and Error that is tiring 

Did you sleep?

I like that response AgathaC 

[CLKD]

I meant to ask: what dose has been suggested for you?  I had 10mg 3 times a day max initially.  Can't remember for how long though