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[racjen]

I feel utterly despairing; it seems that nothing I do makes any difference to the complete nightmare my life has become. When I'm on the oestrogen bit of the cycle I suffer from extreme anxiety. Adding utrogestan calms the anxiety for 4 or 5 days and then tips me over into horrible depression, which lasts till the bleed starts and then I'm back into anxiety again. I've been off work for nearly 9 months and I'm expected to start a phased return in a couple of weeks time - no idea how I'm going to cope, I just want to hide away and cry most of the time. Why is this happening to me?

[SueLW]

I feel utterly despairing; it seems that nothing I do makes any difference to the complete nightmare my life has become. When I'm on the oestrogen bit of the cycle I suffer from extreme anxiety. Adding utrogestan calms the anxiety for 4 or 5 days and then tips me over into horrible depression, which lasts till the bleed starts and then I'm back into anxiety again. I've been off work for nearly 9 months and I'm expected to start a phased return in a couple of weeks time - no idea how I'm going to cope, I just want to hide away and cry most of the time. Why is this happening to me?

Try not to despair, It won't last forever.  And going back to work might help.  Even at my worst I'm better with other people around to make me focus.

I thought you were going to try Utrogestan every other night to lessen the dose impact.  Have you tried it?  If not, give it a go next time around.

What kind of oestrogen are you taking?  It could be that the dose isn't high enough for you.

[AgathaC]

Oh no, Racjen, you poor thing. I've got no experience of HRT at all but it seems like you need to go back to your GP/specialist for help in getting your dose and combination of treatments exactly right.
I'm so sorry that you feel in despair. It's absolutely awful this anxiety/no hope feeling. I have days when I feel I can't go on and then days when I'm very okay which sums up this hormonal rollercoaster.
I go to work and much as I often don't feel like I can face it, it's good for taking me out of myself.
You say you've been off for 9 months which is long enough to completely get out of the habit of going to work. You also say you've got a phased return. I don't know what you do but is your personnel manager someone you can talk to - if you feel you can, I'd make an appt to see him/her ASAP and be honest about how bad you are still feeling and see if you can delay your return a bit more or start super gently, part time, etc. It may not be appropriate and I've no idea what you do so please ignore that suggestion if it's not suitable.
Hopefully one of the HRT experts on here will come along soon.
In the meantime, try and keep that despair at bay, keep busy, go for a walk, look at trees, call a friend - anything to get through what has started as a terrible day but hopefully will get better x

[racjen]

I feel utterly despairing; it seems that nothing I do makes any difference to the complete nightmare my life has become. When I'm on the oestrogen bit of the cycle I suffer from extreme anxiety. Adding utrogestan calms the anxiety for 4 or 5 days and then tips me over into horrible depression, which lasts till the bleed starts and then I'm back into anxiety again. I've been off work for nearly 9 months and I'm expected to start a phased return in a couple of weeks time - no idea how I'm going to cope, I just want to hide away and cry most of the time. Why is this happening to me?

Try not to despair, It won't last forever.  And going back to work might help.  Even at my worst I'm better with other people around to make me focus.

I thought you were going to try Utrogestan every other night to lessen the dose impact.  Have you tried it?  If not, give it a go next time around.

What kind of oestrogen are you taking?  It could be that the dose isn't high enough for you.

Yes I tried Utrogestan every other night - result was constant bleeding and really ill feeling, and after 4 doses I still hit the usual depression, which is where I am now. So it doesn't seem to make any difference whether I space it out or not. I'm on Evorel 100 patches and my estrogen level was around 1000 last time it was checked so I doubt that's the problem. Wondering whether I should ask to try a different progesterone, maybe I'd tolerate one of the synthetic ones better, but it's all such a shot in the dark when your GP doesn't have a clue either. Thanks everyone for your support, hopefully once I get the Utrogestan out of my system I'll feel a bit better, but then it's back to having to cope with anxiety instead...

[Tempest]

Racjen, I think personally you are VERY sensitive to fluctuations of ANY hormone as your nervous system has taken a huge bashing with the valium issues.

What you need to work on is stabilising your nervous system as much as possible to allow it to recover. Please take care changing your regime as this will further destabilise things. Estrogen works on the seratogenic system and progesterone on the GABA (same as valium). You probably know that already. xxxx

[MIS71MUM]

Hi Racjen
I dont think it would hurt to change your progesterone, I've heard that provera is quite well tolerated.

Could it be that your oestrogen levels are too high?  I dont know if you are under a consultant but I've read a lot about levels of oestrogen being between 600 - 800 to aid depression.

Again I'm an oestrogen only lady but when I had a womb I couldn't get on with Utrogestan.

[racjen]

I certainly am extremely sensitive to tiny changes in hormone levels, but I suspect it was the chemo that did that rather than the subsequent diazepam, as that's how I ended up having to take the bloody stuff (ie acute anxiety). What puzzles me though is that yes, I react to progesterone which works on the GABA receptors, but I also react to testosterone which works in a similar way to estrogen. But I don't seem to have a problem with estrogen (and no, I think it's unlikely my level is too high as it's been a lot higher without causing any more problems, and Prof. Studd maintains that some women need at levels of 1000+ to alleviate depression). So what the hell is going on? Wish I knew....x