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[SueLW]

Hello ladies

My menopause has been a long, hard 6 years so far. Three of them on HRT.  Symptoms are many.
But my loss of self confidence has been terrible.  I was chairwoman of a large theatre company, head of stage management and a regular actor.  I haven't been inside a theatre now for 3 years, getting on for 4.  I can't bear the way I look now.  4 years ago last May I was photographed nude for a calendar and I looked great!  Now I see this fat, frumpy, white haired old woman in windows looking back at me and I want to cry.

Yesterday I had to take my laptop into the Apple store for repair.  I felt so old in there.  Then as I got back out of the lift in the car park I saw myself reflected in a window.  A young man had shared the lift with me and followed me out (we were looking for a paying machine) and suddenly I felt old and vulnerable.  That last word is crazy.  I'm still nearly 6' tall.  But I have diminished in every other way inside.

I've just switched to 1 pump Estrogel and Utrogestan vaginally every other night, a week and a half ago.  My blood hormone levels were all very low.  Womb lining was 2mm thick.  Within the first hour of the first gel I painted my toe nails for the first time this year.  But yesterday my mood crashed and I felt very low with added spotting and discomfort.

Has anyone found their confidence comes back with oestrogen?  Given time?

[Dancinggirl]

I can really understand how you feel - the menopause can be devastating in many ways.

I personally do not feel that hrt is enough on its own to solve all menopausal problems or even restore ones self esteem, BUT, a bit of oestrogen can improve the way you feel generally and this in itself can help to you find a positive way forward. However, it can take time for oestrogen to work it's magic.
I have a theatre background and this high pressure, yet creative, world is all consuming - so difficult to find something to move on to that can give the same buzz. 
I have to say that I had no end of trouble with Utrogestan, though it did make me feel quite high and detached from life - hopefully your new regime works ok for you.
I took a break from hrt in my early 50s (when all the scares came out in the press) and my confidence went through the floor. After three years, I went back on hrt( Mirena with Oestrogel) - I felt so much better and started giving dances classes and planning for the future better. I'm now 62 and two years without HRT so have adjusted my life to accommodate how I feel - I've basically become more selfish and pace everything in my life.
Good luck. DG x

[SueLW]

I can really understand how you feel - the menopause can be devastating in many ways.

I personally do not feel that hrt is enough on its own to solve all menopausal problems or even restore ones self esteem, BUT, a bit of oestrogen can improve the way you feel generally and this in itself can help to you find a positive way forward. However, it can take time for oestrogen to work it's magic.
I have a theatre background and this high pressure, yet creative, world is all consuming - so difficult to find something to move on to that can give the same buzz. 
I have to say that I had no end of trouble with Utrogestan, though it did make me feel quite high and detached from life - hopefully your new regime works ok for you.
I took a break from hrt in my early 50s (when all the scares came out in the press) and my confidence went through the floor. After three years, I went back on hrt( Mirena with Oestrogel) - I felt so much better and started giving dances classes and planning for the future better. I'm now 62 and two years without HRT so have adjusted my life to accommodate how I feel - I've basically become more selfish and pace everything in my life.
Good luck. DG x

It's good to know that your confidence fell when off oestrogen but improved when on it.

I miss theatre.  I just don't have the energy for it or the confidence now.  I have to say that being chairwoman of what is essentially a repertory theatre, head of stage management, running my own business and trying to negotiate a new purpose built theatre with the council who wanted the land our existing theatre stood on was all very stressful.  I never let go.  I was "up" and "on it" all the time.  I don't miss that part.  But I miss working on shows and the buzz of performances.

[Dancinggirl]

Sue - hopefully you will find a new avenue that will value your skills but in a less stressful way. I have been very fortunate as I've found a low key job that uses my skills and I feel appreciated. I have remained very open to doing almost anything, which has led to opportunities I never knew would come my way. Once you feel a bit better, get out for brisk walks, treat yourself to some new clothes and a good haircut and hopefully life will start to pick up and that self confidence will return.  DG x

[CLKD]

Of course you miss the buzz, that's what makes theatre so intriguing, both back stage and front of house.

However.  I could never do what I did even 5 years ago due to a lack of energy.  As for holding down the job I did when I was mid-30s! but I did have hobbies which filled any gaps.  Eventually  .  I had to mourn a couple of jobs that I really really loved but which went tits up  .  Then I got a dog and our lives changed 

Do you have skills that you could take into schools, youth groups, after school clubs, Libraries, Volunteer situations? Our Council has a Volunteer Berurua? [sp]  Maybe to fill a gap go to a care home and talk about what you did, that could be good for the residents in bringing back their memories? 

[Annie0710]

I lost all my self confidence too but testosterone has helped massively with that.  I love myself and accept myself way more often now than before I added testosterone.  It's not a complete cure but has really helped x

[Lanzalover]

I'm the same as Annie HRT sorted out flushes and night sweats etc but Testosterone was the missing link.
I started with 1 pump of Estrogel and gradually increased to 3 pumps a day.Just as a caution you need to have high levels of oestrogen before you can add Testosterone but it is something you could consider when your levels are higher if you are still not feeling great.

Lanzalover x

[Emerald2017]

I was in the same boat a year ago! I strongly believe that the way we perceive ourselves is the way the other see us! My early meno was a huge trauma to my self image but with time...and with hrt😂... it gets better. Life goes on and our mind and psychology plays an important role!

[CLKD]

It's that old woman that glances in my direction from shop windows who I hate.  I have to remind myself that although she is a shock 2 me, others have seen me evolve over the years!

[SueLW]

Of course you miss the buzz, that's what makes theatre so intriguing, both back stage and front of house.

However.  I could never do what I did even 5 years ago due to a lack of energy.  As for holding down the job I did when I was mid-30s! but I did have hobbies which filled any gaps.  Eventually  .  I had to mourn a couple of jobs that I really really loved but which went tits up  .  Then I got a dog and our lives changed 

Do you have skills that you could take into schools, youth groups, after school clubs, Libraries, Volunteer situations? Our Council has a Volunteer Berurua? [sp]  Maybe to fill a gap go to a care home and talk about what you did, that could be good for the residents in bringing back their memories?

I'm just 55, and this hit me at 49.  I'm not prepared to accept that my energy has gone for good.  I want to go back to theatre, performing and working there.  I run my own business.  I work full time.  It's just hard because my body is tired all the time.  There has to be a way back. 

[SueLW]

I lost all my self confidence too but testosterone has helped massively with that.  I love myself and accept myself way more often now than before I added testosterone.  It's not a complete cure but has really helped x

That's good to know Annie.  I did have some testosterone in my previous hormone creams.  But I'm not on it now.  I will bear that in mind.

[CLKD]

It's The Change.  Does what it says on the tin!  As we age we need to recognise that we can't take on everything as we did when younger.  Are you able to cut back on your business in order to re-visit your other interests?

[SueLW]

I'm the same as Annie HRT sorted out flushes and night sweats etc but Testosterone was the missing link.
I started with 1 pump of Estrogel and gradually increased to 3 pumps a day.Just as a caution you need to have high levels of oestrogen before you can add Testosterone but it is something you could consider when your levels are higher if you are still not feeling great.

Lanzalover x

I'm only one 1 pump at the moment.  Not sure how long to leave it before I try increasing?  I don't want to overdo it.  Not really sure how I feel this week.  Very up and down I think.  For some reason my feet have started to swell badly.  They were doing it a bit before I switched to Estrogel and Utrogestan.  But it seems to have got worse.

[CLKD]

Do see your Nurse about swelling, it's often due to water retention.

[SueLW]

I was in the same boat a year ago! I strongly believe that the way we perceive ourselves is the way the other see us! My early meno was a huge trauma to my self image but with time...and with hrt😂... it gets better. Life goes on and our mind and psychology plays an important role!

My self confidence would come back if i could exercise again I think.  Or even just get out for a good country walk.  But I have so little energy I can't do that.  I'm on thyroid meds now too.  Yet I saw a FaceBook photo this morning from something I was doing 2 years ago.  The photo made me realise how much less energy I have now than I did then.