Hi Dancinggirl
Thank you for your post, you are right, it is such a shame we don't know more about it when menopause hits, but at least there are signs now that things are changing, thanks to Dr Currie's work, patients' pressure on doctors, accommodating menopause at workplace etc.
I do not dare to go to the doctor for any pills - I have never taken so much as a painkiller until I had that biopsy, and of course the HRT. It really seems that the moment you end up in the system, they want to monitor/test/check/invade every possible body part and prescribe something for it to 'treat it', and then take it away causing another problem, or prescribe something else to treat that, it's a vicious circle I want to avoid. They practically pushed the HRT on me at first, then 3 months later when I came in for repeat prescription, it all started because that doctor didn't know that Elleste Duet sequential is meant to cause monthly bleeds. So he ordered me to stop HRT immediately, to run a 6 week experiment to 'see if bleeds stop'. That's how it all started...
I am seeing my counsellor again (on and off most of my life) so that's been helpful, and I am trained in autogenic training (self-hypnosis/relaxation) but it doesn't seem to work for my anxiety - in fact, the HRT calmed me down like nothing ever did. It is the constant threat of doctors wanting to take it away that's been driving me demented for months. With anxiety, I find anything that encourages self- focus makes it worse, so meditation, self hypnosis, mindfulness seem to have the opposite effect, but I do write a journal to calm my nerves, deal with negative emotions, stop panicking - it helps but the past few months keeping calm has been a full time job!). Also, I will be working on the issue with the counsellor some more - you know, I have survived childhood abuse - physical, not sexual) by my own parents, I stopped it aged 19 when I finally left home, found a job and started building my own life. A lot of people like that end up on alcohol, drugs, I never did, so it is such an irony that I somehow managed to get through all that, build a life for myself, get married (no kids though, my own choice), but I fold at these gynaecologist exams/treatments. Normally I am a rational person, I understand science well ( studied it) but being a patient freaks me out completely. if it was my arm or my ear or something else, I would quite happily let them poke around/dissect/cut bits out, but women's things really take me to a bad place...definitely matter for the counsellor... Took me years to recover (mentally) form abnormal cervical cells op, (CIN3) 18 years ago, so it's like a bad dream repeating itself.
What scares me so much is that doctors seem to disagree with each other, won't look at the whole picture, stick rigidly to guidelines that were written for a typical menopause age, not early one at 44, so we have been dancing in this vicious circle for months now - something always crops up, one doctor says ET has to be 3-4 mm max, another says no, even 8.7 is okay if you are on HRT. One says must have Mirena, the other one says, no, it wouldn't help and I would probably expell it anyway, polyps needs cutting off first. It is the wait that is so hard, now I'm 'catastrophising' what if the polyp is going to be cancerous or pre-cancerous (I know it's rare, but...), in which case it's still going to be a ban on HRT so my HRT future is nowhere near secure.
Before I went on HRT I suffered meno symptoms for 2 years, but at least that was my choice. Now that i've seen how HRT sorted all the symptoms and literally gave me my life back, the thought of having it taken away is driving me mad (and furious).
I will have to have this Hysteroscopy and polyp removed, and Mirena inserted at the same time, but the more i'm reading about it, the more it seems I should have GA, but that's scary too, so my head is like a washing machine hurling everything round, and of course I have a job to do, a business to run, and at least appear sane... I wish I could just laugh about it...
P.S. I thought I'd be dealing with something like this aged 60 maybe, not in my mid 40s, I am exhausted by the battle, the wait, not knowing... Can I please have a crystal ball?
Thank you for your support, hope I'm not a burden.
Andie xx