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[Lulu12]

I just wondered if any of you wise ladies could advise me with a problem I have.

I'm 54 and hold a senior position in the office where I work. Over the last few months there have been only 3 of us in the office - my male boss, myself and a fairly new, much younger attractive female who reports directly to me.

My problem is that my boss acts like I don't exist in the office. He is fully aware of how valuable my knowledge is, but when he speaks he just addresses my colleague, finishing each sentence with her name (unless he wants to know something that I know and he doesn't).

It's getting to the point where it's really upsetting me, as it's like I'm not even there in the office.

I've tried pretending not to hear him when he does speak to me to ask me something, and saying “oh sorry, I thought you were talking to ****”, hoping he would get the message, but it hasn't made any difference.

Also, he gushes over everything she does, thanking her profusely for every little thing. However, my workload is such that I don't stop for a minute but he doesn't recognise this.

I am seriously thinking about leaving but I feel I shouldn't have to as I enjoy the job itself and this is the only issue with it.

Any ideas of how I can handle this would be gratefully received.
Thank you.

[CLKD]

Do you have a senior member of staff or Personnel Dept. to discuss this with?  How old is this man?  Is he married etc.?

You could take this colleague to one side and see how she feels about his gushing ....... it could be seen as sexual harassment!  Unless they knew each other out of work .........

You could also take him to 1 side and make your point.  Remember that anything sent via e-mail is binding and can be used in a constructive dismissal appeal.

Do you have morning catch-up meetings B4 the real work begins, if note, instigate them.  Produce an Agenda over the weekend and place it on their desks, 2/3 points about where the projects are and what is required during the week to improve those moving forwards.  If she is knew she may well require a nudge anyway ;-).

Many years ago I enjoyed a job but should have walked long B4 I did.  One Manager would walk into an open plan office and great his two secretaries by name ........ if we were standing as a group of 3/4 he would ignore the others, so I got to saying "Good Morning X".  Eventually the office staff were waiting for the exchange as he was duty bound to include me. He never did so.  And I never stopped making my point.

Eventually I took him to 1 side and privately told him "Everyone sits on the loo you know and that's how I imagine many people in this Office". How I didn't get the sack I'll never know  .  It made me feel better 

Have you a Job Description?  Contact of Employment.  Time to fish them out and re-read ;-).

[Lulu12]

Thanks for the advice CLKD.

He is in his late 50's and is married.  I get the impression that my colleague thinks his attention indicates that he is impressed with her work.

However, I have plucked up the courage today to point out his behaviour to him and he tried to make excuses.  So we'll see if anything changes.

Like you did, I feel so much better for speaking up.

I'll keep you posted.

Thanks again for listening.

[CLKD]

Oh well done!  .    What tack did you take  .........  Next week ask him quietly whether your message has got through ......... don't let him think that his over enthusiasm is going un-noticed.

At his age he is probably looking for positive feed back ......... stuck in a rut at home?  A younger women he can try to impress.

Next trick: speak to her?   When I started my first job I was told by the girl in our office that the under-manager was a bit sharp with his hands ....... so when introduced 2 him I immediately mentioned my boyfriend of long standing [now my husband  ] and he was never any trouble  .

[Krystal]

I worked in a large office in the public sector for over 35 years. Over the years I watched many people come and go. The interesting thing was that most of the long standing employees who knew their  jobs inside out and had no trouble embracing changes to the workload/practices as they evolved over time were treated with indifference once they hit that magic age 55. It was as if all those over the age of 50 did not exist and many left quite suddenly or what appeared to be for trivial reasons.

 Once I hit 50 my work life took on this circumstance.  It was as if I did not exist until the younger "favourites" could not cope with the complexities of the work despite having their university education and degree.  We had team meetings daily to iron out any problems. Anything I said was dismissed on the day and then repeated a few days later by the manager as if it was their idea. I let them get on with their empire building. No laws or employment rights were being contravened but eventually all of us from the same era were beginning to feel slighted by the management.


I and many others believed ageism was alive and well. The company pension provider even started to send letters to us saying we could retire on the company pension at a reduced rate of course! Anyway to cut a long story short when it was announced that the entire organisation was to restructure and the nature of the work to completely change we all tended our resignations and left. On the last day of employment at this place it was forbidden to say goodbye to anyone. You were expected to leave and that was that. No party or celebrations allowed as work would be disrupted.

Being invisible and over 50 is not unique. Good luck with whatever you decide to do about your work situation.  Do what you feel if right for you. Don't suffer you are still that same valuable person you have always been. Its just some people do not appreciate and value the worth of good colleagues. xxxxx

[sheila99]

I wish there was a 'like' button for this Krystal.

[CLKD]

I agree sheila99 - that was discrimination.  I would have arranged a leaving party  what could Management have done