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[Charys]

Good news Herbie !- and as your doctor said, nothing to worry about at all.

I'm glad you are taking steps to help yourself over the way your mind went during the situation. At some point life, as I said earlier, we all will have to face 'something' and need to find or build the skills to get through that.

Can I make a suggestion? that you also go and update your threads on No More panic, particularly the last one you started the day before your tests. There is a lady there asking about you and the results. I also replied to you in detail there, but knew to come here to see how you'd got on. Its always nice for others to have 'closure' when they've been replying and following your story. 

[Herbie73]

Thanks charys, I did update no more panic, obviously I won't be completely reassured until the biopsy result are back, but I'm coping a lot better, I'm going to get cbt and my work also have a counselling service which I'm going to take up, I'm so glad I had you ladies to talk to, I'm sure you all probably felt I was over reacting, but that how my mind is wired I focus on the negative, but I'm going to get as much help as I can to get over this, sometime I feel really selfish I know there are children and adults going through really tough illnesses and believe me you couldn't get a more caring person than me, so it's hard when I become so self centred, anyway thank you for your reply and hopefully we can keep chatting you have been a source of strength, thanks Herbie xxxx

[GypsyRoseLee]

If you can't exert any self control for yourself, then do it for your poor daughters. You say you have already given one daughter health anxiety? You aren't born with health anxiety, it is a learned behaviour from people around you.

Also, it's actually incredibly unfair and very selfish for you to constantly check up on your other daughter when she goes out to a concert etc. You might think it demonstrates that you really care about her, but in fact it just demonstrates that you only care about easing your own peace of mind.

As the daughter of a Mum (who sounds very similar to you) I can promise you that your constant checking up makes your daughter feel frustrated and suffocated. It also makes her feel guilty and worried about you too. Why would you want to put all that on her shoulders? She's young, she shouldn't have the responsibility of knowing you are worried to death about her all the time.

My Mum passed away and if I'm totally honest, although I grieved deeply my main emotion was one of relief and freedom from her oppressive 'concern'.

I have daughter and I bury my fears and encourage them to be fierce and independent and to challenge themselves. I do this because I love them far more than I love myself, and want them to live happy lives free from the burdens my Mum gave me.

[CLKD]

My Mum often tells others that she 'gave my daughters wings to fly' but she did fill my head with worries whilst I was growing up    and now frustrates me by not listening to anyone, other than herself.  [long story short].   It was "what if the car breaks down/or the driver isn't insured/of there is an accident" ...... no phones in those days, it was a phone box or nowt! or the Police at the door. 

I always worry if Himself is away.  The best time of day is when his key turns in the door and he is safely home.  If he is travelling he rings me once he gets to his destination and then gets on with enjoying himself.  If he is going to be late leaving somewhere or there is traffic 'ahead' he will pull into the Services to let me know.  That way I worry less  .  I worked in an A&E dept. for many years so I saw it all  .  I was already a worrier ....

I agree with GRL - anxiety is a learnt response from those around us, my panic began within hours of my being born so no amount of CBT helped     -   maybe talk to your family about how you can let go and how they can help by keeping in touch to ease your feelings.  Negativity feeds itself - if it remains in my head I can cope but if it becomes physical then panic sets in.

It will take practice, a good therapist will give the client HOMEWORK  ..........

The biopsy result will take how long? 

[weathergirl]

Dealing with this type of anxiety is horrible.  I have a son in college and I have shielded him from my anxiety right from the time he was born.  I did not want it to affect him and I feel strongly, as a mother, that it is best to keep all of it to myself.  I would cry in my bedroom, have panic attacks in the bedroom or bathroom or in my car, etc. I never let him see me like this.  I would be horrified if my anxiety affected him and made him have anxiety of his own. 

It has been a very lonely and private battle for me.  But I think we need to give our children the best start in life and let them know that they are strong, capable, and that they can accomplish anything they set their minds to.  If my son occasionally saw me looking sad or distressed, I told him I'd had a bad day at work or something like that.  My mother was plagued by extreme anxiety and depression and it certainly affected me deeply.  I vowed as a teen, that I would never subject my son to my anxiety.

[CLKD]

We also need to let others know that it's OK to be scared, worried, anxious - i.e. exam/driving test nerves, talking in front of people - because these types of experience affect most people so methods to cope can be encouraged. 

[weathergirl]

Yes, I agree!  I have told my son that being nervous for his driving test (few years ago) was totally normal.  Or being nervous for his final exams in college is also normal.  These are normal and expected times of anxiety for all of us.   But as far as health anxiety, I do not talk about it with him and don't plan to. 

[CLKD]

Whereas men don't go to the GP etc., they would rather discuss football with their mates then health problems  so there are certain issues that men should be encouraged to discuss: depression, suicide, prostate, testical care .......

[GypsyRoseLee]

Lord knows I have been crippled with anxiety these last few years thanks to my hormones, as anyone who has followed my posts here knows. But my children are blissfully unaware of what I suffered through. I genuinely couldn't bear to have frightened them with it. I just couldn't.

[Herbie73]

Gypsyroselee, how dare you say I'm a selfish person, I'm sorry I suffer with health anxiety, I check my daughter to make sure she is ok, and she knows that, any mother that doesn't care where her daughter is is abnormal, and a bad mother, I love my girls more than life it's self so please do not say I don't care, do you know what it is like to have health anxiety, no I don't think so, so please don't judge people that have it, maybe you should research mental health problems, but maybe you are to selfish to do that, you sound like someone who doesn't give a hoot about anyone else, I care deeply about my family, my friends, my pets etc, if anything I'm to caring, I adore animals( vegetarian) always trying to rescue a poor animal, work with children who adore me because I'm a nice, kind human being, cry when I see a elderly people lonely and do what I can to help, so stop making me feel like I'm a awful human being just because I suffer from health anxiety, you really need do do your research.

[Herbie73]

So you children have never asked what's wrong with you? Please if you have nothing constructive to say don't bother replying

[CLKD]

I knew when something was wrong with either of my parents, I don't think that any child isn't aware.  Whether they will ask .......... I would be told 'it's adults problems' or similar.  "Don't worry your tiny head".  Children are aware of undercurrents, often more than parents know.

But if a parent appears to be coping, then a child won't ask because children are by nature selfish.  Or they may be too scared to make enquiries.

Health anxiety covers many situations.  I have hidden my problems, people I worked closely with told me later that they never realised I was ill.  It was easier to act 'within normal limits' than try to explain.

[Herbie73]

Do you know how many years I have thought mental health  at least 32, way before my children were born I didn't choose to be this way,  I know people are a lot worse of than me, but I have a condition that cannot be helped I'm dealing with it getting help etc, I don't want sympathy I want people to realise that mental health is a real and debilitating illness, I wouldn't chose to be this way, unless you have been in this situation you don't know how it feels and it makes me mad I'm not making it up or pretending I have a real illness, sorry if that offends.

[weathergirl]

Health anxiety is a horrible, horrible thing.  It's hard to explain to others, and really difficult for others to understand unless they've experienced it.

[Herbie73]

Thank you weather girl that exactly how I feel, I try not to be this why, but I can't help it and certainly do chose it, unless you suffer with it no one understands xxx