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[helenmelon]

Jbee you're certainly not alone, I went from going to the gym 4 times a week doing classes and swimming having a great time to 10 months sitting on the sofa crying and not knowing why. Just such an awful feeling, empty, joyless and expecting the worst to happen in each and every situation.

I have a lovely husband, great kids and family but nothing they could do or say helped me. It wasn't until I was crying in the doctors surgery because John Legend was on the radio that my lovely GP said “you need some HRT” something i thought I would never try. It's not perfect but it lifted the dark moods and desperation pretty quickly and got me on a more even keel.

This forum helped me see that everything I was feeling others had felt before. I honestly had days when I thought I was going mad. No one prepares you for the horror of the menopause, I honestly thought I'd get a bit hot, maybe throw a few plates, my periods would stop and that would be it, normal again 🙄

Fingers crossed for you xx

[Scottishgirl]

You are not alone.  I too have severe anxiety. Mainly due to death of a child in 1989. I have severe atrophy and hysterectomy and prolapse surgery have not helped. Then just before Xmas had an acute bout of diverticulitis ( bowel infection) . That was just unlucky because it I a m fit and eat well. Vagifem really helps if you persevere with it. Makes you much more comfortable. Please don't feel that you won't get on top of all of this. Stay on the forum and let people  help. It really is great.

[Jbee]

Thank you for your kind words this is keeping me going.  I think the amytripline worked and I slept last night which offers some relief. The mornings are the worse. I haven't cried much I just feel fear and numb with repeated thoughts. I feel I don't want to carry on in a life with constant pain that I am a burden to my family. Without a huge effort I would stay in bed all day. Getting up washing my hair eating showering etc are all a huge effort. I am going to have to go out and walk in the garden  even though it is painful because I am so stiff with lying down - less painful with hot water bottle or ice pack. I don't really recognise my self anymore I am so thin and weak. I was really bonny always trying to loose a few pounds, with masses of energy despite not sleeping well loads of enthusiasm for life. I will just keep going baby steps set small goals. I am blessed with a wonderful understanding husband and children and extended family. At the doctors this morning husband coming with me I will test the waters about hrt .

[Ljp]

I can empathise with you Jbee, anxiety was my worst meno symptom, I felt I was going crazy, total irrational thoughts, feelings of paranoia that people didn't like me and were talking about me, feeling detached from reality, feeling like life wasn't worth living, that I was just an inconvenience to those that love me... it's just horrible.
But HRT changed all that, and very quickly too, within a week I felt a little positiveness return, although took longer to feel I had more good days than bad.....but I remember crying at feeling better and how I had allowed my fears of HRT to prevent me from feeling better, and how I had denied myself years of feeling better....I somehow felt a failure for succumbing to HRT.....and still struggle in my head with using it, even though it has helped me so much.

I too have severe VA, and bladder/urgency issues, but not UTI thank goodness, I feel for you on that one.
I had a course of Mona Lisa laser treatment, one treatment every 4 weeks, I needed 4 in total, and it took time even after that to resume some manageable comfort... bladder/urgency, still have good and bad days, I take vesicare to ‘help' but not sure it does much, apart from gives me a dry.
 throat! ...my godsend has been the estring for vaginal oestrogen, and I use emu oil morning and night to external area, and feel so much better.

HRT should be the go to treatment for anxiety and depression in menopausal women.

Hope this helps Jbee, and that you soon feel a little better every day xx   

[Jbee]

Thank you for your reply everyone has been so supportive. I think I have always been a bit of a worrier but this is just crazy like you say.
I went to the doctors to ask about systemic hrt and she said it wouldn't be her last choice as I am 10 year post menopause roughly and 57 next month. She said I would only be able to have it for a short time and that the risk of breast cancer would out way the benefits. She has upped my amytripline to 20mg and wants to put my AD's up next time as they are working at a sub clinical level she thinks. I don't want to do that I would rather learn a whole lot of mindfulness skills and pay for counselling. All the talk of breast cancer put the wind up hubby so he's not keen. The speed at which things have changed for me have made me want to live for today I want quality of life now! You never know what's round the corner.

[CLKD]

Jbee - I think that you need to consider upping the anti-depressant for 6-9 months to lift your mood.  It will help with those symptoms, some ladies find that they require both HRT and ADs and anti-anxiety medication.  Helps see the wood for the trees!   You should NOT have to pay for counselling though the NHS waiting lists are appalling.  Relaxation therapy helped me for a while.  As did relaxation tapes, though finding time to listen was difficult.  I would sit down with a tape recorder; remember those  ; and my little  would jump onto my lap, we would sleep for hours.

Why do you think that mindfulness will help with symptoms are physical.  It ain't called 'the change' for nowt  . 

What talk of breast cancer, where from?  This really isn't up to your husband, if he is concerned he perhaps should look at recent Research!  Quality of Life is important .  Years ago it was thought that breast disease was triggered by HRT but that flawed research has been discounted.  Do have a look at the 'treatment' section here. 

Although 'the change' is natural, symptoms can be abrupt and life changing.  Browse round, ask away.

[helenmelon]

Jbee, have you considered going to a menopause clinic privately, I did, on the advice of my GP it was the best money I've spent and got a 45 min (but actually lasted 55) and was listened to and given all the relevant info about the positives and negatives. I came away feeling better that someone had listened and acknowledged that my symptoms were down to the lack of hormones.
She wrote to my GP with details of
What I should have and a follow up after 3 months.

My husband came and was able to ask lots of questions.

Quality of life is so important xx

[CLKD]

   helenmelon

[Jbee]

Thank you both for your replies. Yes I would consider going privately not sure my GP would refer me but I can try and self refer if not. Will need to investigate the options.
I do the mindfulness with guided meditations and visualisations it takes practise but I am getting better at weathering the anxiety adrenaline surges that come out of nowhere. It reminds me of the deep breathing through a contraction in child birth, it doesn't change what is happening physically but sort of calms and gives you some control.
I take on what you are saying about the anti depressant CLKD you are right I cannot see the wood for the trees.

[CLKD]

Little steps.  The body doesn't get where it is suddenly so it has to adjust to anything chemical put into it.  Up-take etc..

[helenmelon]

Jbee, let us know how you get on. We're all rooting for you to get the help you need and get better xx