Oh I'm really getting fed up with this. For the last 5 weeks I've enjoyed life. I've started up a new website, posted a good 20 posts to build it up, been inventing recipes for the site, and generally enjoying life (even though I had a little 10 day blip within that), didn't need any therapy at all as felt really well. Until this week.
Twitchy knee starts. I think nothing of it and carry on. Then the headaches. Then crying at the drop of a hat. Looking at my period tracker, it's the fertile phase. Now this time last month I pretty much sailed through it. Then hubby's aunt died. His mother then pretty much demanded he turn up, now from Essex to Worcester with traffic is about 4 hours, so as his mother bullies him he has to go (he's quite insecure at the moment because of going through cancer and the treatment). We find out the funeral is about midday, so that means early up for both of us (remember he's my carer) he then puts paper down for the dogs, and it means he has to leave at 8am for 1pm, then HAS to go to the after thing because his mum doesn't want to go on her own, and leave at 6, so back home for 10.30pm. OK for normal people, but I don't like being on my own as I can't walk very far so anything happens I will more than likely fall over and being morbidly obese it'll take a truck to lift me. I think I'm handling it until Wednesday (the day before the funeral) but nope, I have a massive emotional breakdown. Crying all day, shaking, rocking in my chair. Really OTT for "normal me," but all bought on by hormones. I'm so ashamed of it.
Funeral day, I'm in pieces but he leaves at 8am (he's left me a packed lunch, stuck paper down all over the floor just incase the dogs have an accident), he's put my chair in the kitchen, and one in the conservatory so I don't walk to far. He looks after my wellbeing but hormones have turned me into a wreck.
It's now my birthday (today) and I've still not settled down. As "usual" when it starts it takes about 10 days to calm down. I was supposed to be taking Utrogestan on Wednesday for 7 days, but only managed 3 as the dreams were too nasty I couldn't take it.
All this going on, and my little elderly 15 year old dog is taken really poorly. He can't walk properly at all now so it's clear that I have to now say goodbye to him and it's probably going to be tomorrow. I'm devastated. I'm trying to think positive that it's not cruel as he's clearly got no quality of life anymore, but it's stomach wrenching and making me really upset. Even sat herelooking at him now he's asleep but he'll be in the same position in 10 hours when we go to bed, so it's time, I know it's time, but I just don't want to. I just feel as if I need a cuddle and someone to tell me it's going to be ok. I'm really missing my mum (she's in a dementia care home). But all this seems to feel worse because I'm ovulating. If I were feeling normal I'd be sensible but emotions are really bashing me today. I feel so alone.
