I have just got in from work and your title could be mine "struggling today" Its like an endurance test getting through the day. Low confidence, self esteem, worried to do something wrong, talking to people but not sounding like me then analysing what I have just said. Take it from me you do not go into work until you are completely better again and feel strong to deal with people, the work, to be able to cope with what is given to you. Phased returns do work but only when you feel back to normal again. You do not need the stress and do have to look after yourself.
Last year was a year from hell and I had to take a long time off work (7 months) due to being wrongly diagnosed as normal depression when it turned out to be menopause. 4 different anti depressants, nothing worked until finally I had blood tests serum fsh was 115 iu/l which they said was "post menopausal" I had no idea as have the mirena coil so had no periods anyway. (almost 52). Elleste solo got me well but I had to go up to 3mg and I was back to normal, me again confident, joy in living, planning ahead, getting back to friends/family I had withdrwawn from, volunteering again and back to work. All was brilliant for about almost 3 months then headaches akin to migraines so bad they took me off the tablets for fear of a stroke.
I was put on gel oestrogel 2 pumps a day, back to waking through the night with sweats, needing to pee at least 3 to 4 times but worst of all the low mood, anxiety, the lot all back again. I had an estradiol test which showed the levels were too low so almost 2 weeks ago went to 3 pumps of gel. Still not "me" but this time I am back in the world fearing last year, although I know what caused the depression now) but now its like an act trying to be "me" at work, at home, with my family a constant battle that is exhausting. I am losing the will to live this life and feel so guilty for even voicing that. Its such hard work compounded by the fact at work and in life most people I speak to seemed to "sail through the menopause". What is that all about. I hate them!!
know it takes time to find the right hrt the right level the right anti depressant that only seems to work if the oestrogen is well.
Sometimes though we just dont have the time to wait as life /work etc is so demanding. I sent another email to the menopuase clinic wondering if there is anything else i can do---do lots of exercise/eat failry healthly, none of that seems to matter if the hormones/chemicals are not balanced.
So in summary please do not beat yourself up about being off work. Work will always be there, your health and well being is more important. You will know when you are ready as i did. I sadly have just had a blip but I am trying to keep going because of the amount of time it took me to get better last year. I really feel that I cant do that to them again, I would rather quit.
My question is Have many of you girls had to give up working because of this horrible menopause? I have always loved my work and going in seeing everybody but it is like a form of torture now.
Thank you
