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[Vieja Bruja]

My sister-in-law messaged me via FaceBook today to say that her son wants to go on his school trip in November, however she can't afford the £200 (she's a single mum and she calls the dad 'the sperm donor', I don't even think he's ever been on the scene).  She said one brother has given her £30 and she hasn't asked the other brother yet, she didn't even mention the 2 sisters.

Her message was quite demanding and she never even said 'please', and said 'even a tenner would be great'

After discussion with hubby we agreed that we'll send her £10. Personally I wouldn't send her anything.  We live in different countries and the family have never really been close, they've only all been together in the last 12 months for their parent's funerals (which we contributed £3k towards).

Am I right to be annoyed at her?

[Snoooze]

My family were quite poor when I was at school. My best friend went on every school trip but we couldn't afford it so I didn't go and it never bothered me. The sister in law should have told her son she can't afford it and therefore he can't go. Even now, we can afford school trips but we don't let our children go on all of them as to me they are very overpriced.

I wouldn't have replied and then waited to see if she asked again.

[Ju Ju]

Hmm! We were unable to afford expensive school trips for our children, along with a lot of other material things. We were upfront about how it was financially and both children did not demand things. I don't think it did them any harm or me as my parents didn't have a lot of money either. My children have both shown care with money, making the most of what they have and showing appreciation for anything that comes their way. I wouldn't have wanted to donate money for a school trip, but would be more willing to help for something essential, if it was a polite request, rather than a demand.

[CLKD]

Difficult one.  Kids can't have everything.  But as you don't know exactly what is being said in their home ....... will sending money set a precedent?  Would you like to think of the child going/not on a trip?  When it was explained to me by my parents the whys and wherefores of not having stuff I had to accept it.  Information was told in a way that there wan't any point in moaning.

Do you send him gifts for birthdays etc.?  Is this tenner going towards his trip ......... however, via FaceBook?  Why not pick up the 'phone?

[Snoooze]

I thought schools had a policy that no-one should be excluded on the basis of affordability? 

If she was that rude with her request I'd be inclined to say no!

The letters from my kids school seem to say 'this is a voluntary contribution' but then say that if not enough parents pay then the trip will be cancelled. The school apparently donate so much towards trips.

I have just had this conversation with my sons school as you hear things in the playground and I was aware of a lot of kids going on these trips and the parents saying they never bothered paying so essentially, the parents that are paying eg. me! are paying for other kids too. The teacher told me that this may have been the case but what is happening now is that if enough don't pay then the trip will be cancelled and I had noticed on the school website about 3 trips that were cancelled because of this so I think more parents have been complaining about paying when others don't!

[Snoooze]

I can't believe nowadays where some school trips go. My niece's school went to  New York! I also can't believe the cost of them and the fact they let the children know about them and then I get my kids saying 'oh please, I really want to go' but I still say no if I don't agree with the price or even what educational value from said trip eg. Alton Towers!

One trip my sons school were offering the price for 2 nights away was as much as I would have spent on a weeks holiday for our whole family!

[Katejo]

My sister-in-law messaged me via FaceBook today to say that her son wants to go on his school trip in November, however she can't afford the £200 (she's a single mum and she calls the dad 'the sperm donor', I don't even think he's ever been on the scene).  She said one brother has given her £30 and she hasn't asked the other brother yet, she didn't even mention the 2 sisters.

Her message was quite demanding and she never even said 'please', and said 'even a tenner would be great'

After discussion with hubby we agreed that we'll send her £10. Personally I wouldn't send her anything.  We live in different countries and the family have never really been close, they've only all been together in the last 12 months for their parent's funerals (which we contributed £3k towards).

Am I right to be annoyed at her?

Is it a trip for the whole class/ part of curriculum  so the child would feel excluded? When I was at school, I knew my parents couldn't afford expensive trips like ski trips so I didn't ask.

[CLKD]

Our Education Authority arranged trips that the Students in the top [A] stream may have been able to afford.  I know lots of peers had to work extra to afford to go because their parents simply hadn't the funds.  Usually it was day trips.  We had access to a mini-bus so 16 of us went to York, or Derbyshire or London ........ if more wanted to go we went on a train to the Natural History Museum for example.  The furthest our School went was on the US Uganda which was eventually seconded to go to Argentina  - through the med. to Russia from what I remember ..... which didn't appeal to me anyway.  5 days in Bruges with trips out.  6 days in Italy .... with days out ......... but of course, the trips didn't cost as much in those days.  We had a Group Passport .........

Did you decide yet?

[Butterfly22]

That's rude! I'd never ask for something like that off my brothers/sister.
Like snooze when I was younger all my friends went on trips but as we were a family of four my parents couldn't afford it.
It's a tuff lesson but you can't have everything you want in life.

[Butterfly22]

A few of my daughters friends went to Peru over the summer (organised by the school) and was £4000 😳

[CLKD]

Some trips are organised so that the visitor has to match the fee.  What's wrong with a Staycation?  Did you decide yet 

I would be inclined to send pocket money once the trip has been paid for 

[Vieja Bruja]

Thanks for all your replies, I really appreciate that you took time out to reply.

Hubby said to send the £10 to hopefully get her off his / our back.

In my reply to her I just said "what's your bank details" - hoping that she would notice my curt reply - she just replied with "aw thanks, I'm out at the mo, I'll send them when I get home" so then later I got a message with just the bank details on.

I have no relationship with her / her son and neither does hubby really, they've never been a close family and no-one ever sends birthday / Christmas cards etc. 

Our own daughters had to 'earn' their school trips and there were many times when we had to say "no" because of cost.  The more I think about it the more I'm convinced that there isn't a school trip at all and that she's maybe just skint, why wait a month before the trip before you try to get the money together (unless the kid is putting pressure on her to let him go?).

Anyway, that's the first and last time money gets sent to her. 

Thanks guys xxx

[Snoooze]

You're probably right as at my sons school when there is a trip at that price you get to pay in instalments. You never have to pay that amount in one go.

[CLKD]

Well done!