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Author Topic: Spoken to my birth mother after a long time, sad by what she told me 😪  (Read 2255 times)

Pinkjan4288

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Hi, I'm new here and was starting to wonder about being peri menopausal, I'm 43 and having hot flushes at night, recent insomnia, heart flutters. Very short cycle that has no disappeared.
I decided to contact my birth mother so I could ask her when she started with symptoms.
We have only met a few times when I was in my early 20's. she sends the odd birthday card but we have no contact.
She called me last night after I texted her to say she started with symptoms at 38 and she had a terrible time.
She's 63 now and told me she has early onset dementia. She sounded like my Gran who is 94. I was quite shocked.
She also told me she had surgery for breast lumps and polyps. But no cancer thankfully.
I just don't know how to process all this information she told me.
I haven't seen my GP yet but have an appointment in 10 days time.
I'm really hoping she takes me seriously.
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Butterfly22

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Re: Spoken to my birth mother after a long time, sad by what she told me 😪
« Reply #1 on: September 26, 2017, 06:31:53 AM »

Hi and welcome, that's quite a lot to get your head round, you may be very different to your birth mum and go through it ok, maybe your birth mum did not take HRT or get help and support.
Don't panic or worry maybe try and bring your doctors app forward and explain your worries, they may do a blood test to see where your at and discuss what path to take.
This site is amazing for help and advice so your not alone, lots of lovely ladies and all ages I'm the same age as you xxx
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Pinkjan4288

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Re: Spoken to my birth mother after a long time, sad by what she told me 😪
« Reply #2 on: September 26, 2017, 05:29:55 PM »

I think she is in the first stages of the disease so can still remember the menopausal issues she had.
She was very clear when she said she was 38.
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CLKD

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Re: Spoken to my birth mother after a long time, sad by what she told me 😪
« Reply #3 on: September 26, 2017, 06:07:43 PM »

It can be difficult enough finding out stuff when we are in regular contact with relatives  ::).  There are huge issues when one hasn't had a regular life with birth parent/s.

Have you had more contact with your Gran ....... and is she your Mum's side?


Welcome to our World.  Some ladies find that keeping a mood/food/symptom diary useful to chart progress.  Read the green banner above, make notes.   You may find helpful info on the Daisy web-site too.  Details above in the banner. 

Maybe think about which symptom you would like to ease first?  Have a chat with your GP, take a list - I find it means that I don't miss
anything ;-).
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Hurdity

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Re: Spoken to my birth mother after a long time, sad by what she told me 😪
« Reply #4 on: September 27, 2017, 07:35:43 PM »

Hi, I'm new here and was starting to wonder about being peri menopausal, I'm 43 and having hot flushes at night, recent insomnia, heart flutters. Very short cycle that has no disappeared.
I decided to contact my birth mother so I could ask her when she started with symptoms.
We have only met a few times when I was in my early 20's. she sends the odd birthday card but we have no contact.
She called me last night after I texted her to say she started with symptoms at 38 and she had a terrible time.
She's 63 now and told me she has early onset dementia. She sounded like my Gran who is 94. I was quite shocked.
She also told me she had surgery for breast lumps and polyps. But no cancer thankfully.
I just don't know how to process all this information she told me.
I haven't seen my GP yet but have an appointment in 10 days time.
I'm really hoping she takes me seriously.

Hi there Pinkjan4288

 :welcomemm:

Sorry to hear that you are feeling upset by your discussions with your birth mother. However I know this is difficult but try not to focus on what has happened to her, as a guide to what you might expect - but concentrate if you can on you and what you can do to help yourself.

Did you say that your cycle has now disappeared - when did you last have a period? Shortening cycles are very characteristic of the last stage in fertility before the ovaries start to pack up and ovulation is erratic. This is the time when many women start to experiencing worsening pms as hormones start to fluctuate - but it can be a tricky time to treat because it is not strictly peri-menopause in the sense that the ovaries are failing. Once you start to have a very variable cycle then according to the medical definition you start peri-menopause although in practice it often happens quite loosely!

At this stage some gynaes and doctors  prescribe the combined contraceptive pill - as this will regulate your cycle to monthly and even out your hormones so preventing the worst of the mood swings. There are a couple of newer ones which contain the same oestrogen as in HRT (so are gentler) - and will help prevent the night sweats. Also they have fewer tablet free days. The one called QLAIRA  has only two tablet free days, without oestrogen.

If it looks like you might go through an early menopause (before age 45 at last period) then doctors may do a blood tests to look at FSH levels ( 3rd - 5th day of cycle). Anyone who goes through menopause before the average age of natural menopause of 51/52 is advised to take HRT at least until then to protect heart and bones in the main.

Do read up as much as you can on the main website using the top tabs (pale green banner) - there is a wealth of really useful information - and do come back to us with any more questions :)

Hurdity x
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Pinkjan4288

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Re: Spoken to my birth mother after a long time, sad by what she told me 😪
« Reply #5 on: September 28, 2017, 09:20:24 AM »

Thank you for your kind replies.

I needed a few days to process what she told me.

We don't have any contact so I felt a bit bowled over with everything she was saying.

I really would like the night sweats and disturbed sleep sorted out.

I've bought some black cohosh and I'm seeing my gp next week.

During the day I'm fine. No anxiety,stress or mood swings.

I'm feeling quite happy in myself. Just hate losing  sleep really!
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CLKD

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Re: Spoken to my birth mother after a long time, sad by what she told me 😪
« Reply #6 on: September 28, 2017, 07:32:23 PM »

Of course it takes a while.  Maybe keep a journal?

She will never be what you want her to be and those years without her are lost.  Sad ain't it.

 :bighug:
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Pinkjan4288

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Re: Spoken to my birth mother after a long time, sad by what she told me 😪
« Reply #7 on: September 29, 2017, 01:29:12 PM »

It's ok, I'm not sad I dont know her.
My kids are husband are amazing people so I'm not missing being loved.
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CLKD

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Re: Spoken to my birth mother after a long time, sad by what she told me 😪
« Reply #8 on: September 29, 2017, 02:51:04 PM »

That's so nice to hear.  My Husband is the most important person in my Life, so when my Mum 'starts'  ;)

Is the Black Cohash helping yet?
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Pinkjan4288

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The black cohosh has been amazing.
I slept last night without waking up.
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CLKD

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Re: Spoken to my birth mother after a long time, sad by what she told me 😪
« Reply #10 on: October 01, 2017, 04:55:23 PM »

Do check how long one should take Black Cohash, I think a break after 3 months?
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