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[Yammy1]

I find it's really hard to have a conversation with someone when all you can think about is how your feeling, heart pounding, dizzy anxious. I hate it, a friend or neighbor stops to have a chat and I'm looking fir excuses not to stop, or pretending I'm on my phone so they won't stop me  .

[Roseneath]

yammy1 / sparkels ...thanks for posting...so I am not alone. The second worst things for me about this life stage aside from anxiety is that I find it hard to believe that others feel the same. It helps to know they do    I wish I could go out to work. Having the whole day in the house day after day having to do the B & B jobs  & wait in for people is the worst thing mentally for me. If I had to work away from here I think I would have a much better handle on my emotions. GP appointment for next Thursday (earlist!) sp I just need to keep breathing until then!

[Yammy1]

I stopped working five years ago after hysterectomy, I worked as a special needs assistant in a local school and I absolutely loved it. I really loved the kids and actually looked forward to going to work, But there were complications after hysterectomy and I now have severe bowel problems and am no longer able to work  . I miss the kids so much and the interaction with other staff members. My one  and only grandchild started preschool in the same school I worked in and although it's lovely seeing some old working buddies when I drop him off it's so hard knowing I can't go back to the old me . I had a repair operation on my bowel last May  but it was unsuccessful ( still have very little bowel control) so I' on disability for the foreseeable future, I don't think i'll ever work again. But at least if i'm having a bad day I don't have to face anyone

[CLKD]

Roseneath - I doubt if you would fare any better in the work-place.  Currently you have a lot of stress but it is in your home, running a business is difficult and like you, I find waiting for people to arrive awful - workmen, parcels, neighbours ....... and can't wait until they are settled with a cuppa or gone from here  .

I have stayed at several B&Bs and they don't want people 'in' B4 4.30 ..... which gives them time to clear up after the guests that have left, time to shop and then be home for the next people to arrive.  That gives the owner a sense of structure.

[Snoooze]

I think Rosenheath means she has to stay in incase guests just arrive on spec. My friend runs a b&b, it is tying. Are you open all year Rosenheath?

[CLKD]

In order to take some control, unless on a road which will attract passing trade, it might be worth while being away for a while in the day.  One landlady carries a mobile phone which diverts from her B&B land line ........

[Roseneath]

Yes you're right we have to be in as these days people often arrive early or late and expect to be able to check in. We live in fear of bad reviews as I think most people who run a B &  B do! We close end October for a few months so I am hoping I can slow down a bit then; although I will need to keep busy or I just ruminate and Google bad stuff!   I do feel 'better' for want of a better word; - less brain racing round, less tearful, less foggy word mess ups, less feelings of doom, slept without weird dreams.   I find either the whole lot of symptoms are better or none of them. This will go into my diary for my GP catch up next week. But there is nothing specific I can attribute it to other than being on Day 20 of my cycle and something chemical  has shifted. You can see why it is so hard to attribute improvements / worsening to any medication when there is this underlying churn going on which for me seems to over ride everything.

[CLKD]

When you come back to your B&B it is wise to make it a condition that they don't arrive B4 a specific time.  Clients really won't mind!  We have stayed regularly in a Guest House in Lewes and can't book in until after 4.30 because the family are working.  It's not a problem and we find stuff to do until we can go there.  Put foot down with firm hand  .  You could also let the local tourist board know that your booking in time has altered, do you get calls from them to see if you have vacancies?   I have been to various Information Boards around the UK to see if they have lists of local last minute B&B vacancies. Usually when we find more to do in an area than we thought possible.   I never read reviews, but I do like to be able to see the bathrooms on the B&B web-site ;-)

[Snoooze]

I think it's all connected to your cycle same as mine. I'm on day 19 but the last few nights I've had weird dreams or bad dreams that wake me up scared and with sweaty chest.

Continue to keep a diary then you can look back each month and see that those symptoms occurred at that time.

My friend who runs a B&B recently posted on Facebook about how many hours they had done this month, think it was around 360 hrs. I know it's not easy and I know how restricting it can be. I also understand about bad reviews, especially Trip Advisor where you can't get them removed. I always read reviews before I book somewhere and I always start with the negative reviews first!

We always tend to be late arrivers but this year we did arrive early at one and they let us in early but I agree, it wouldn't look good if you said 'no, come back later'!

[CLKD]

However, one doesn't need to tell guests 'come back later', when people book then they can see from the booking form or when talking to the owner, exactly what hours are stated.  It was never a problem for us and once in, we had a front door key ........ it's a huge undertaking however much you like people 

[Snoooze]

CLKD...most people know that check in hrs are just to give the premises time to clean and change the bedding in rooms so they assume the room will be ready well in advance which is why they turn up early to chance it. You are obviously a polite guest following the 'rules' but most guests are not and are cheeky wouldn't you say Roseneath?!

[CLKD]

Cheeky yep.  But if they arrive on the door and the owner isn't in ........ what I'm try to say is that it is alright to have set hours.  After all, if you go to the dentist you have an appt.? 

[Roseneath]

Guys you both make good points. The B & B next door is much more strict with times and rules etc and probably gets a few bad reviews because of it but still does good business.   Our problem is we are 'desperate to please' types who take everything to heart and think if we get 9/10 it is not good enough. I think that is why the lady next door seems to be sailing through her meno & looks so well turned out and I feel like a teaful, dishevelled wreck who thinks the world is judging me! The lesson is probably to loosen up a bit and make an effort to go against type. Easier said than done! (I 'acted' my way through my wedding ceremony and pretended I was filming an advert because it was the only way I wasn't going to be a blubbing mess.  That's CBT extreme for you!).   I feel almost great today....not anxious, calm, brain not foggy. It's Day 22 ish I think...wish I could stay like this for ever n ever.

[Snoooze]

It's probably your personality a 'people pleaser'. I found this for you with tips about running a b&b and it does advise what CLKD says about strict times!

See the purple banner part about how to make it a success.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2972231/Think-running-B-B-easy-One-guesthouse-owner-s-cautionary-tale-just-change-mind.html

[CLKD]

Maybe have 2 nights 'next door' to see what they do that is different?  This is remember your house ;-).  You have in who you want at times that suits you.