Hi Lynb & welcome to the forum. Your post certainly wasn't TLDR btw - I think I must hold the record for those! I'm afraid I don't have a very helpful answer for you, but I'm sure someone else will be along to give their thoughts later.
I'm so sorry to hear of all you've been through & at such a young age. Though my situation is very different to yours, a life-changing event steered me towards the decision to start HRT (which I had previously avoided for a decade of horrible symptoms due to family history of breast cancer), so I know how profoundly trauma can influence outlook. It made me realise that as you say, life certainly is too short to continue to feel unwell for any length of time, so I can appreciate your feelings about the horrible effects of HRT you've experienced. I too don't feel that good on HRT, though unlike you, better than without it, but as I have osteopenia I prefer to carry on trying to find the right regime, as I'm hoping this will enable me to avoid future treatment for osteoporosis.
The HRT as prevention issue is a difficult one if the hormones make you feel worse, but as you have taken the decision to stop, this will give you breathing space to step back & perhaps when you are ready, think again later about whether you might want to try a different HRT combination to safeguard your bones.
You have been through so much recently, I would be kind to yourself above all, try to get as much rest as you can, spend your free time doing whatever feels good to you & let medical issues fade into the background as much as possible for a while to give yourself a break. This feels very inadequate advice, but there are so many helpful ladies on the forum with so much experience, I'm sure you will get more help & support before long. I hope things go well for you.