OK, I'll get in touch with my GP on Monday.
I've had a lot of weird conversations with myself over this. "No way! Not possible!" "But... the symptoms fit perfectly." "Not a chance. Don't even think about it." "But... the timing..." "Nope, no sirree, not happening." "But you spent a lot of time talking to Doctor Google and reading stories of women who got pregnant after they thought they were done with menopause." "Yeah, but that's them. Not me. Nope, huh uh, no chance." "But it would be funny, wouldn't it?" "I'm gonna have to go with no on that." "But..." "No." "But..." "No!" "But..." "NO!" "But..." "La la la la, I can't hear you." Imagine a tiny tennis match taking place in my brain, with two players at double match point battling it out for the Wimbledon championship. All day.
After more rounds of that than I'm willing to admit to the actual intelligent part of my brain kicked in and pointed out that there was an easy way to prove or disprove this theory with 99% confidence, and it would only cost me ten bucks. So, like a frightened teenager I went to the store, grabbed a box, and furtively dropped it into my cart behind a bottle of ginger peach kombucha. Can I just say that self-checkout lanes are one of the best inventions ever? I'm willing to bet that they've actually made a small dent in the sales of pregnancy tests by making it easier for teenagers to get condoms. In any case...
I then did something I haven't done in decades... I peed on a stick. And waited three very long minutes, not even sure what I wanted the results to say. I turned it over and there wasn't even the slightest hint of a second line. Not even under bright light, with my reading glasses on. So there's that theory down the drain. I guess I'll call my GP.
Thank you all for the kind welcomes and excellent advice.