This is a interesting question as i feel suicidal everyday, most days I plan how to do it other days I just feel impulsive feelings to for example hang myself. On of the things that has always prevented me is that my children will lose out on their share of my house ( as I am still married to DH). today I thought about going to a solicitor to leave everything to them, that would make me feel better. I am hyper sensitive to anything sad for example animal or child cruelty. I cant stand what is in my head and I just want it to go away.
I just feel there is no point anymore, I have no hope.
I feel that I hate my DH, I just cannot stand him anymore but I lack the strength to do something about it. I feel that I am invisible he ignores and excludes me so much. My periods stopped for six months now they have come back. I feel unstable. I just don't know If my depression is due to my hormones or if my feelings are legitimate. I just don't want to be with him, I want to be on my own. I just despise him.
I cant go to my dr, I phone them almost every month as i am constantly ill with trivial illnesses for example chest infection, sinusitis, dry eye etc etc every month i have something.
I have tried ad's in the past, citalopram, paroxetine, nothing seemed to lift it so I gave up. I tried st johns wort, fish oils, 5htp and rhodiaola stuff.
I do feel happier at work, I just don't want to come home.
I think that it is a lot harder to get help for MH problems, my gp has this new system where you have to tell the receptionist what is wrong with you and then she gets the gp to phone you back. it is hard having to first tell a receptionist then waiting on a random dr calling back. I hope that other women do get the help they need.