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[Sally66]

Hi all

I'm also in a difficult predicament with work (see my thread on Femoston v Femseven for details!)

I saw an occupational therapist at work a little while back and she was quite supportive to be fair. Since then I started taking Femseven sequi patches however they haven't made any difference at all yet- not that I'd expect them to at this stage.

But, and this may be (probably is) a coincidence, I did get hit by a terrible, crashing depression with full-on suicidal thoughts about 4 days after applying the first patch (I'm not a person who has a history of mental health difficulties). Anyway, I ended up phoning the Samaritans because I was so desperate. They persuaded me to go to the A&E department where I was taken under the wing of the mental health crisis unit. Since then I have been given a short course of sleeping tablets along with an anti-anxiety pill for the mornings and a heavy duty anti-depressant (mirtazapine). Much as I hate to say this, I am feeling better (and calmer) now ... So I think these medications do have their place, but, as with HRT, getting the right combination can be difficult. I was given Sertraline by my GP for perimenopausal anxiety and it made me extremely agitated and disrupted even further my very poor sleep and concentration.

Anyway, returning to the OP's main point about menopause and work! All of this has led to me being signed off for another 4 weeks and I suspect that it's only going to add fuel to the fire of my employer who I'm pretty sure is eyeballing me for redundancy, despite anything the occupational therapist might say. The reality is I'm 'objectively' underperforming and I've been there less that two years, so I think that means they can pretty much do what they like.

Like others on here (Binbon2 - hello!), my work demands long hours, high levels of concentration and excellent memory. None of which I have anymore (or at least only in intermittent phases).

I really do think there needs to be greater awareness of menopause issues in the workplace. Most people (myself until two years ago included) tend to think the main menopause problem is hot flushes, but there's so much more to it than that. And yes, some (maybe most?) women get through it all without any major difficulties. But, as Michelemabelle, says for some of us it's a really debilitating condition which impacts on both the type of work we can do and on the amount of time we can spend on work in any given day or week.

So a big group hug to us all who are trying to get through this damn thing!

It's great to have this forum where we can support each other and at least know that we're not alone in our experiences ...

S x

[Binbon2]

Hi Sally66. I was wondering how you were. Sorry to hear about the crashing depression. Glad that the medication is helping you feel better. I hope that the 4 weeks off will give you time for things to really settle so that you can function at work.

When is your work making people redundant? When we had redundancies at my old work people were scored on a range of things. Can you find out from HR what criteria they will be using to select people?

I agree that there should be a greater awareness and understanding of menopause symptoms at work. I do wonder about what impression people at my old work have of me now, but at least I was there for 11 years, so most people knew how I worked before perimenopause hit. I still can't believe how my life is now. If someone had have told me two years ago what my life and career would be like I wouldn't have believed them.

Having said that, I do actually enjoy living life a bit slower. I am lucky that my husband can support me and that we have little mortgage left. My children are happier that I am at home and my husband gets more time to relax as well. So as a family unit life is better despite the poor sleep/fatigue. I do sometimes feel a bit isolated though. I need to try and find myself a way to get out and meet new people. But I remind myself that Rome wasn't built in a day and to give myself time to adjust to this new life - and to take things day-by-day and try not to worry about the future too much.

As you say Sally66, this forum is really great for finding people experiencing the same issues as you and makes you feel less alone. It has really helped me realise that it is not all in my head and that I am not the only one finding this menopause journey harder than I thought. Thanks to everyone that has shared their experiences.

[babyjane]

I had to leave a job I loved in 2006 because a mixture of menopause, CFS and anxiety made it impossible as I worked in the funeral service, and there is absolutely no margin for error in that work as you can imagine.

My boss was wonderful, letting me cut my hours and cut my hours and take days off but in the end I made an error through lapse of concentration that could have had catastrophic results for the family if an eagle eyed person at the council had not spotted the error on the paperwork and telephoned the funeral home about it.

I had a chat with my lovely boss and I decided I was too much of a liability to her and it was not fair if she had to oversee all my work, she had more than enough of her own as the funeral director.

I grieved for my job, it was like a bereavement in itself as I loved it and I was good at it before all this crap descended 

[Elliemay]

I know that this is adding to my anxiety. I live alone and due to not being well enough to do full time work, and having cuts to working tax credit, my piddly savings have all gone to paying rent & council tax & im on a slippery slope to being forced out of the cheapest house in these parts!

Great, isnt it! We do need to kick ass. Seems like we are bring forced out of work, because employers wont accommodate our horrible symptoms, job centres will force us to look for full time work that we arent up to doing, they'll deny us pensions etc it is outrageous.

We need to work as co-ops with other women who understand and can cover for each other on bad days.

Im at the beginning of working that way and it looks promising.

[Binbon2]

Hope it works out for you Elliemay. A co-op does sound interesting.

[Elliemay]

yes, we are doing community work, most of it voluntary but the paid work is coming in slowly. All of us have had anxiety or depression so we can cover for each other.

[Tinkerbellj]

Hate the thought that u r all suffering too bit so glad u all understand. I am practically agraphobic amd anxiety chokes me every time I have to leave my babies with anyone. I have recently changed from my evorel patch back to oestrogel. supposed to be four pumps a day but trying to do with two. I ha e tried zoely cp but it was terrible.  It the change of personality and temper that frightens me. I have no time for anyone and as a nurse that's not good. I don't even really want to be around my family or my babies that I tried for 10 years to have. so angry that hormones can rob me of my life and no one seems or wants to be able to help! thank god for u ladies here xxxx

[Binbon2]

It is hard Tinkerbellj. Hopefully you will feel better once your body has got used to the HRT change. It is so hard to accept that hormones can have such an affect on your life, and that it doesn't always seem easy to fix. It must be so hard for you dealing with meno symptoms when your children are so young. Have you talked to your GP about any mental health help at all? I saw a mental health nurse for some cognitive behaviour therapy. I found that it really helped as it was an hour that I could talk to someone about how I was feeling.

[Tinkerbellj]

Thanks binbon2
I habe had  six months off work with pnd(which it wasnt) 12 councilling sessions and 6 cbt which I paid for privately but really didnt feel it helped.much . GP keeps throwing anti ds at me but they all make me sick.  I have fibromyalgia as well and they keep saying its that but its not. My joints r agony and fatique unreal. I just want to be on my own all the time. this is my sixth attempt at hrt as well. hormones suck. I did ivf twice and they warn u about the hormones then but I felt great. it was nothing compared to this yet gps wont acknowledge it  can make u feel so bad! oh my two babies were both conceived naturally in the end ages 43 and 46 go me lol

[dangermouse]

I think it really depends on the type of company as well. I worked for many years in the City at an investment bank and they were very anti-older employees as they saw them as a risk in terms of potential failing health. The culture was very much about 'working through the pain' when ill and I am sure most of them will end up burning out at a young age. The sympathy for when anyone was off sick (even if they were involved in an accident) was zero and there was an assumption that everyone was faking their sick days - particularly women of a certain age. It was a distasteful robotic culture.

However, as well as being self-employed, I am now a part-time senior post-holder at a London college and their attitude is COMPLETELY different! I work closely with senior management and they are amazingly human in how they assess staff with health problems, which has been such a relief compared to my last experience. I am on an interview panel for a very senior position and we are even travelling to the Midlands to conduct one of the interviews because the candidate is receiving medical treatment for something quite serious, but they recognise its a temporary state and that this person is worthy of the job despite her current (and possible ongoing) medical issues. It really has given me hope in humanity again!

Prior to the college, which is Government/charity funded, I have only ever worked in the private sector and am not sure if this enables them to enforce these rigid and unfair ways of working because they are there own legislators. Has anyone found working for the council or other Gov offices more understanding?