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[GC]

Hi there - this is my first post, so I hope I make some sense!  I'm 52, my last period was in October 2016 and I'm feeling really grotty.  I've just been to the doctor who prescribed Citalopram 10mg.  I didn't want to go down the route of anti depressants - I wanted to try and manage by myself.  I have been taking St John's Wort and Menopace for some time now, but it's not doing any good anymore (if it ever did in the first place!) I have a history of depression (my father committed suicide 17 years ago and I wasn't very well for a while) so am very aware of my moods and worried that I could end up in the black hole I was back then.  I've been feeling very low for a good couple of weeks with no break.  Very, very erratic mood swings, emotional like you wouldn't believe and angry, feeling horribly aggressive and incredible anxiety, not to mention disturbed sleep every night.  I appreciate these are all 'normal' side effects of a peri-menopausal woman and I was hoping I would be able to manage these by myself without medical intervention, but I can't carry on feeling like this.  It's not fair on my (very supportive) husband or my work colleagues.  I feel a failure for agreeing to take the Citalopram and am a bit scared of the initial side effects (I'm scared of everything these days!) but I do want to feel 'happy' again.  I don't want to go down the route of HRT and my doctor is in agreement with this.  I know it's a long road I have in front of me so don't want to resort to HRT unless I absolutely have to.  I just feel very alone at the moment and quite insular - and very bloody tearful! 

[CLKD]

The road is as long as it is - if you have a history of depression then TAKE the Citalopram.   Whilst ADs should not be the first drug of choice for ladies entering menopause, get your mental health stable so that you can see the wood for the trees.  Have a browse round, I'm sure someone will be along suggesting HRT - maybe keep a diary of food/mood/symptoms to take to your GP/Practice Nurse.  That way you can see how able you are at not taking HRT. 

Do NOT feel a failure.  If you are hungry, do you not eat ;-).  If you have pain, do you take pain relief?  HRT/AD medication is no different, various parts of our bodies need support throughout our life-time.  Once I accepted the ADs for Life I began to have a Life again.

Many ladies join here saying that they want to go the 'natural route' or avoid HRT but need to resort to it eventually, which is why we have an alternative room.  Nothing needs to be forever so trying various routes is fine, though it can cause menopause to be more drawn out!  What would be your line for 'absolutely have to'? 

St John's Wort MUST NOT be taken with prescribed anti-depressants.  Alternatives can help initially but once the hormones begin their upheaval any benefit is often lost. 

[GC]

Thank you CLKD - this made a lot of sense, when not a lot does at the moment!  It's the whole host of feelings and emotions that I'm finding are difficult to cope with.  My lack of concentration and motivation are at an all time low - I am literally doing NOTHING at work and nothing raises any interest in me.  I sit here thinking 'I must do this' and literally just sit and stare at it and then get more anxious because I'm not doing it.  I think I feel angry with myself for feeling depressed, for allowing it to happen and not being stronger - which I know in turn is stupid because you can't help what's happening inside your head and body.  I have to accept that I need some intervention in the form of medication.

I think 'absolutely have to' would be when/if symptoms become such that I really can't function properly.  You do hear such a lot of different experiences and I've spoken to people who didn't want to take the HRT route but in the end couldn't cope with symptoms.  It's probably akin to women who say they'll have a totally natural birth - until it happens!

It helps to read these posts, it's reassuring to realise that you're not alone, not going start raving mad and there is help out there. 

[CLKD]

It seems from where I'm sitting that you are already not functioning - if you read back what you have written on here. I have also replied on your other post .........

When I couldn't function I couldn't get out of bed  , I dreaded going to sleep, I dreaded waking up ........ in the 1989s it took several different ADs B4 I found one which kind of suited, not a cure but at least I can get on again .........

Perhaps made a list of good/bad - 1 side of the sheet tick what is good and on the other side what is difficult right now and compare?