Sometimes I think I feel apathy, sometimes I think it's depression, or anxiety, or both. Sometimes it feels like a total lack of motivation, but then it feels like dysfunctional upbringing or lack of emotional intelligence... I have always felt like this but I managed somehow. After perimenopause (but then it could be just ageing) I can't manage anymore. When I plan to do different things, or think in a different way or just relax, then something nasty comes and I feel lost again. It's one thing after another, no time to breathe really.
I was browsing the internet and found a website (won't display it here for the sake of the rules) with interesting texts on motivation, communication, lyfestyle, work, etc and there is some good advice there, although I can't say they work yet, I guess it's worth a try. One of them states that anxiety is not about worrying too much, it's about caring too much. Then I thought, well if I care too much, then it's anxiety, if I couldn't care less, then it's apathy. It's a good start to put things into perspective and find what exactly I am struggling with now.