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[groundhog]

Thanks all again.
There is no topup fee on my mothers home and yes it is basic,  more like a big house with S of bedrooms -there are only 20 residents, each have their own room some are en suite.   We could have chosen a more expensive home with an en suite and wood flooring but as stellajane pointed out,  we would be paying for things that didn't matter to my mother.  Plus the costs were an extra £700 per month which we would have had to enter into a contract for.
I've sorted it out with the council now and understand more about the deferred payment scheme  -  it's not ideal but nothing abiut this situation is.   I would love to win the lottery and the first thing I would do is bring her home and hire full time carers so she could have the best of both world.  But life isn't like that is it so I m resigned to the fact she is there and is being well cared for and I have at least some peace of mind.
Thanks all xx
Penyyfarthing - if i can be if any help re the fee situation please ask,  I know a little bit but it is a bloomin minefield xx

[CLKD]

Groundhog - it isn't about care as such but if someone needs full nursing in their home there has to be priorities to consider: how many carers to cover 24 hours and day's off.  Pensions and  Liability Insurance would be required.  As would lifts, hoists, a complete change of bathroom to en-suite facilities.  Laundry machines 'cos there may well be a lot of extra washing.  Nurses would have to au fait with Poisons if specific medications were required.  With the best will in the World ? 

My friend had a Life limiting illness for 30 years and her property was altered completely in order to accommodate the above.  Her hoist carried her from bed to wet-room/toilet with the help of 3 carers twice a day.  Etc. etc. etc. 

People who care for relatives at home under 'normal' circumstances soon become worn out ……

Glad that you have had some advice.  Were you advised whether to see the propert/not?  I expect there is quite an emotional tie?

[groundhog]

Well that's the thing with my mother CLKD,  she doesn't need full nursing care as her problem is mainly cognitive but she would need care 24/7 and needs a lot of attention as she thinks she is a young woman - I realise my desire to care for her at home is delusional and even if I were well,  I wo have to forego my life to care for her and yes would undoubtedly burn out in a very short time.  I did care for her for 2 years before My op and it was really really hard going.

I don't have to sell the house as the debt will accrue and then once the house is eventually sold,  the debt can be paid off.  There is an emotional tie as I was born there and all of us have an attachement,  my sisterm daughter and the twins all consider it home in a way.  It's not a high value property d if we could generate some income from a holiday let ( quite a bit of demand here ) then we could out off the inevitable for a few years.  After my Mother's Day the house has been left to all the children and grandchildren and it would be nice to keep it in the family but again I can't think that far ahead at the moment.
It's hard ladies,  but we all know that xxx
Thanks again all xx

[CLKD]

Sadly we don't live in an ideal World. I see adverts in The Lady for example advertising to be a companion with or without personal care and wonder and hope that it won't come to that! though that would be preferable to being in a 'home' without an en-suite …….. not that I'm fussy ………… 

[Katejo]

The following article appears in the Guardian today https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2016/dec/15/old-people-dementia-death-social-care-costs?CMP=fb_gu

[CLKD]

What a depressing article.  'Frittering' away …….. so nothing else has been frittered away then?  "Helping" her daughters, well give it to them now?!? …….. Life is what we make it, if that bus comes along tomorrow none of us needs to worry.  I have always been a saver so that I can enjoy what I have been saving for, whether it be an hour's riding across the beach in the Summer (the horse cost 7/6 an hour).  Or for a record which we listened to in a booth [remember those?].  I have never denied myself anything either and think that I have been 'reasonable' in my saving and spending balance. 

If I wish to have a good quality of care at the end then I would rather be in a place that is used to 'doing' care rather than waiting for people to arrive at my home and wondering if they would actually arrive!

Mum's friend is now in Hospital.  Aged 94 her carer didn't arrive on time last Friday so she tried to walk on her own to the toilet.  The carer, 95 mins. later than planned, found her on the floor  .  No one in the 'care' company thought to ring Mum's friend to say that there would be a delay, now the 'care' company is closed for 4 weeks whilst the owners have a holiday abroad ………

[Pennyfarthing]

Thanks all again.
There is no topup fee on my mothers home and yes it is basic,  more like a big house with S of bedrooms -there are only 20 residents, each have their own room some are en suite.   We could have chosen a more expensive home with an en suite and wood flooring but as stellajane pointed out,  we would be paying for things that didn't matter to my mother.  Plus the costs were an extra £700 per month which we would have had to enter into a contract for.
I've sorted it out with the council now and understand more about the deferred payment scheme  -  it's not ideal but nothing abiut this situation is.   I would love to win the lottery and the first thing I would do is bring her home and hire full time carers so she could have the best of both world.  But life isn't like that is it so I m resigned to the fact she is there and is being well cared for and I have at least some peace of mind.
Thanks all xx
Penyyfarthing - if i can be if any help re the fee situation please ask,  I know a little bit but it is a bloomin minefield xx

Do you know what Groundhog?  Earlier this evening I bought a euromillions ticket on line and was thinking if I win I will buy a huge house with downstairs facilities for Mum and a full time carer and that would be us sorted!! 

Regulars may remember last month I went to view a house similar to ours but with an extra downstairs room and loo.  I got dead excited thinking it would be perfect for us and Mum could come and live with us but hubby said there wasn't enough parking for all our vehicles, it has a smaller garage (and ours is packed) and as he pointed out if we had Mum living with us my brothers wouldn't visit her anyway and that would make her life even more troublesome.

However, if my numbers come up tonight all my problems would be solved! And thank you for your kind offer of assistance. I'm sure I'll be in touch.

[Pennyfarthing]

Mum's in hospital at the moment. The oh so caring nursing home sent her in wearing just a thin nightdress, no socks, no dressing gown, and with absolutely no toiletries. Its as if once they call an ambulance they just ditch all responsibility for a resident until they come back again. I've had to go to the home and pick up all her nightwear, toiletries, dentures, hearing aids etc. today. I don't mind .. but seriously, when you're paying them all that money!

As OH often says, these places would really be more accurately called 'don't care homes'!

Oh Stella I am so sad to read that.  Xx

[groundhog]

Yes so am I Stellajane,  how awful.

I can't say that has been our experience thank God xx

[CLKD]

The Staff aren't taught to think or have compassion.  We were taught never to talk about our private lives over the bed, even if the client was thought to be fading, 'cos hearing is the last sense to go.  We were taught to treat patients like they were our relatives, therefore thinking about what would make them safe in a strange environment.

Will you be having words StellaJane?  It may be that those 'at the top' are un-aware? and if so, this should be addressed.  Might be worth having a word with the Ward Sister and ask her to write a note to the 'care' home, i.e. patient arrived with the very basics, that is, no dressing gown, blanket, toiletries …….

[CLKD]

Paramedics stay with them in this area Stellajane which means that the Ambulance can't respond to the next emergency.

This is where WRVS would have stepped in years ago 

[bramble]

Paramedics did not wait with my friend when she was taken to A&E a couple of months ago. When I phoned at 10pm having just been told by another friend, she was sitting on her own, cold and weeping (she has dementia). Nothing else for it but to get the car out and go across. At that point she had been there 2 hours. Doctor only saw her at 10.30pm and it took another hour and a half waiting and 3 requests, before I could get someone to tell me what was happening. And it was a weekday night and not busy!

Bramble