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[GypsyRoseLee]

Yes. Yes. Yes. I 100% think it is hormones causing your (and mine) peri menopausal misery.

I have always suffered with PMS. Taking the BCP never helped, and one brand I tried made me depressed and emotionally detatched all the time, for the year I was on it.

Like you, I also suffered with awful PND after my first child was born. I knew before I had even left hospital with my baby that something was VERY wrong. I felt like I was falling down a never ending, black hole. I was terrified and irrational, and felt filled with despair. With ADs and time, and a very supportive DH I finally recovered and was perfectly well for the next 10 years.

But after I turned 40 I noticed my PMS getting worse. For 2 weeks per month I felt very flat and depressed and angry. Then my periods started getting much lighter, and that was when things turned really scary.

I started suffering with insomnia. Then I started experiencing waves of dread. I felt panicky and on edge much of the time. I thought I was having a breakdown. There were days when I genuinely felt suicidal. Basically, it felt like I had PND all over again, just without a newborn this time.

I finally saw a specialist who told me that women who suffered with PMS were VERY likely to also get PND, and go on to suffer with anxiety/depression in the peri Menopause, too. It's purely that we can't tolerate progesterone. It's like mental poison for us.

I wish you lots of luck and hope in getting the help you need. But, rest assured, it is physiological fluctuations in your hormones that are causing most of your distress.

[Pyjama-girl]

Hi
I can't believe I am reading some of the things I have and am experiencing! I've suffered for 5 years with hot flushes, anxiety and depression. I went onto HRT and tried to for 2 months but it made me feel so ill. Then this year I have a new boss who is really difficult to work with so thinking it was me I went back onto HRT but it has made me feel so ill and depressed I have given up. It came to a head when I threatened to kill my husband. I get deep horrible negative thoughts and think everyone is against me. Should I follow the psychologist route?
Please help. I feel so isolated. I cry all the time.

[abbyH]

Pjama-girl! you're not alone.. So many of us are suffering the same.. Last night I felt so down and alone I wrote goodbye letters to my kids (I know....) It sounds like you could do with a really thorough work up of your bloods/hormones and thyroid too.. have you had all this done recently ? Apologies if so, and perhaps the HRT you were on wasn't the right one, experiment until you feel better, that's the dance I think.. no one size fits all with HRT, unlike how the docs' seem to think 'oh just slap a patch on you'll be better soon!"

sympathies and hang on in there xxx

[Dancinggirl]

Pyjama-girl - welcome to MM
Do start your own thread so more ladies can offer support.
Do read up all the info on this site to get clued up.  There are lots of options for meno treatment and if you only tried one type of HRT then your GP wasn't giving you the help you needed - do look under treatments as there are different HRT types to try. 
Dealing with low mood when meno hits can be tricky and sometimes an AD or SRRI can be helpful alongside HRT.
DG x

[mumofthree]

Pyjama-girl, sorry for not replying sooner. I'm so sorry to hear you've been suffering the same as me. You can get a referral to a Psychologist through your GP and mental health team. You can also get a referral to a counsellor. Research the two to see which you'd prefer. A psychologist has a lot more training and usually more tools under their belt. I felt that I didn't want talking therapy, I actually want to learn new ways of thinking. If this meno is going to be this awful for a long time yet then I need new ways of coping with life. Really, I don't want to just 'cope', I want to feel joy again!

I haven't started AD's as my anxiety/low mood is so random. If it was more regular then I would use them.

I can't use HRT due to previous breast cancer.

Just to give you hope, yesterday I actually help happy! I don't just mean okay, I mean I felt good and well (although it was only for about an hour). It's so lovely to feel that again and gives me hope that this might not go on forever.

Keep using this site and get some help for yourself. Don't suffer any longer. Also, the GP and psychologist won't think you're crazy, they are well used to hearing stuff like what you're going through. It's when we keep it in our head that we get so poorly thinking we're going mad. We are not mad, we are just a bit poorly, but only for now, not forever x

[Hurdity]

Hi Pyjama-girl

  from me too.

So sorry to hear about how you are feeling - how worrying for you?

I just echo what the others have said re different types of HRT - it is important to stabilise your hormones, since if you have never experienced abything like this before in your life, then it is probably down to hormonal mood swings.

Also do have a read of Tempest and GypsyRoseLee's posts who have similar problems trying to disentangle the pyschological from the hormonal and struggling to get the hormones right (I hope they don't mind my saying!) as well as having extreme thoughts and moods.

You haven't said how old you are and what your cycle has been doing over the past few years. Do you think you are near menopause ie is there a very long gap between periods and getting longer?

Many of us use estradiol (as the oestrogen part of hRT) and progesterone or something very near to it. The best tolerated combi tablet is Femoston  - not sure which one you tried but might be worth a go?

Sorry I can't help re psychologist as I have never experienced these problems.

Do keep us posted about what you decide and ask more questions if you need to....!

Hurdity x