Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[CLKD]

Oh he can do our ironing  - I did 3 shirts last week as I HAD to, we were going 'posh'  .  The 1st time that the iron has been used for over 12 months ………..

[Ju Ju]

DH used to only iron the bits of his shirt that showed when he was a policeman. The annoying thing is he looked smart.

[CLKD]

OK until 1 has to remove jacket 

[babyjane]

Mine has always done his own ironing since he retired, and I do mine 

[ellie]

Mine wouldn't know how to switch it on 

[Ju Ju]

DH took half an hour to iron 1 shirt.

[CLKD]

How did it look after?

[dulciana]

When mine puts a shirt on the ironing board for me to iron  (note!: )  the ironing board usually goes the wrong way round and the shirt hangs by its collar from the end.  That doesn't bode at all well! 

[babyjane]

I have always been aware that, should anything happen to me first, my husband should not be clueless as to how to look after himself.  So he can put on a load of washing, iron, use the vacuum cleaner and cook basic meals although he doesn't like cooking. He is also a dab hand at washing up. 

His mother did everything for him, wouldn't even allow him to make himself a drink so he didn't know anything domestic when we married.  I always refused to 'mother him' and he had to learn independence for his own good.

[Dana]

Just a word or caution ladies - don't let your man take over too much. In my parents' case when Dad was working Mum did everything - maintenance around the house, budgeting, paying the bills, cooking, everything. All Dad did was put his pay packet on the table on Friday night and the mowing on the weekend.

When he retired he slowly started doing more around the house and we all thought this was great because he was being actively involved and not still leaving everything to Mum. He started doing the housework and cooking, all the banking and paying bills etc. Mum never drove a car so instead of her using buses, trains etc, she now became reliant on Dad to take her everywhere in the car.

Fast forward about 20 years and Dad became very ill and eventually died, but Mum had gotten so used to Dad doing so much that she had absolutely no idea how to even go to the bank to draw out her pension, and she was too scared to do her grocery shopping on her own. She didn't even know what medication to take and when to take it because Dad knew what she took and would put them out for her to take. She wasn't suffering any dementia or any ill health, she had just totally lost all independence. I had to end up taking over doing all the things that Dad used to do. So make sure you keep your independence as long as possible.

[Dorothy]

Same problem with my parents Dana - my mother 'enjoys' ill health, so when Dad retired, she gradually became 'unable' to cope with one thing after another.  Dad died 3 years ago, and she is now unable to cope with the things that she used to do before his retirement.

[Dana]

Yes, and it's more likely to be women who will have to suffer this loss of independence because we live longer than men. It's great if men help out around the house, but some men also like to take control. When they give up work they usually need to find a new "project" and if that means a woman becoming too reliant on that control, that is not a good thing.

I know this will never happen to me because I've never relied on a man for anything. If I don't do something it doesn't get done, but when you've been in a relationship for a long time, it can happen very easily. Make sure that if you need to you are always able to pay bills, go shopping, maintain your finances etc without anyone's help.

[Dorothy]

With my parents, it wasn't Dad trying to control things, it was mum being determined to get what she wanted, saying she couldn't cope with doing whatever (basically, anything she didn't enjoy doing) so Dad, being kind-hearted, would end up doing it for her.  Not sure if he ever realised how odd it was that someone who didn't have the energy to shop for food could shop endlessly for clothes or that someone who couldn't manage to cook dinner was always able to go out for coffee...

Something I still find difficult to deal with.  He worked so hard all his life and yet was denied so much pleasure in his retirement because of her demands.  And I do wonder if he would have lived longer if he hadn't had so much to deal with.

[CLKD]

'anything for a quiet Life' maybe?  We forget that they had a Life B4 we arrived  and what seems 'bad habits' to us may well be engrained or done because there is a love/acceptance of their roles that we don't notice.

We are so busy now we haven't picked up half the hobbies we had talked about doing 

[Ju Ju]

My mum cannot do a lot. She used to do the house and garden and Dad the car and DIY. Now she tells dad what to do, which is OK until she was in hospital and I saw what he was eating. I had to give him a quick lesson on food groups and how important it is to include protein. Bear in mind, my dad was a scientist..... I think I was as shocked as I was as a child when I discovered he didn't know anything about the wives of Henry 8th, as I though he knew everything until then.

Losing confidence is very common after losing a partner, regardless of how competent you are before, so it's wise to know the basics of what the other does. I now do the filing and DH pays the bills. I have a good idea of what us what and know where everything is.