Hi Hurdity
Well I sat down with the OH the other day and we worked out that I've had symptoms from around 10 years ago (when the debilitating anxiety started) and it's been kind of under control apart from the odd blip (which now we realise was hormonal as it would always be on the run up to a period). The hot sweats started about 3 years ago and were horrendous. Yep the Estrogel and others has put pay to those thankfully although I get a mini one just before my period.
My mum started her Peri at 34 so I imagine that I have followed in her footsteps although I haven't had a hyster (she had to have one due to endo).
I've been having therapy for around 3 months now and my hypnotherapist is utterly wonderful. She seems to have got rid of the depression for me and sometimes works wonders on the anxiety, then I hit a bad few days and I'm back to square one again (I now have to wait 2 weeks to see her as she's away on a break).
Well I've tried lowering my salt intake, losing the weight again, and starting eating mostly fresh and natural foods rather than anything processed (it's how I originally lost the 8 stone) so I've gone back to that way of eating. I just can't shift this dreadful anxiety - it gets hold of me and then thoughts spiral out of control (even though I tell myself it's all hormones and I'll be ok - therapist has tried to give me coping strategies but it's early days still). I just can't stop the anxiety for about 2 weeks, then for a week I'm over the moon, happy go lucky raring to go, then it's back again bloody thing. I just thought as I already have high blood pressure (non medicated as they "believe" I have white coat) that it might help that as well as take away the racing heartbeat that makes my head pound and takes my breath away.
I am drinking copious amounts of green tea and camomile tea - I hate them both with a vengeance (actually more than that as the smell of them makes me want to be sick) but green tea does at least give me a little energy and "sort of" stops the excessive thoughts. I've knocked soft drinks and chocolate on the head too. Trying so damn hard to fight this and although I've seen little changes (less hot sweats, higher sex drive, silky smooth head of hair (never seen since I was a youngster)) but just this bloody anxiety. If that would just do one I'd be fine.
My sister keeps telling me to ask for Xanax but I really don't want to move ADs if I can help it as the withdrawal is horrendous and I'm not very good at remembering to take them at the same time each day. I'm just stuck and I don't know what to do now. As long as the anxiety goes I'm fine with all the other symptoms as I can cope with them as they are.
I'm also using mindful meditation with my therapy (she provides a night hypnosis) and I have another app which I use on my phone but I just can't shift it. I just want that to go, and although it's not as bad as it was right at the start (I couldn't move as I was frozen to the spot back then with lots of depersonalisation) it's annoying me simply because it won't go. You know, like a niggly toothache.
I am sleeping a bit better these days (another bonus I guess) and I'm finding it easier to get to sleep using a yoga technique of breathing through each nostril before I hit the pillow and 1 Sweetest Dream tablet. So I'm sleeping (albeit up a few times a night to pee) but I'm still getting the morning nerves which don't bugger off until the evening then I'm anyones
Periods are now about 25 days apart, have come down from 35 days apart 5 years ago with 2 x 3 month absents in those 5 years. I've always had trouble with irregular periods anyway due to having PCOS but this is ridiculous. And I'm now day 4 of a "skanty" bleed which is still bloody heavy (was no-where last night though) - that's annoying me too as I'm in pain with that as it feels like my ovary is screaming at me (I always have problems with the left ovary for some reason too). Ugh. Fed up. Just want a break from it. Had 2 weeks where I felt amazing since I first joined the site and I know it's going to get better but while I'm going through it I'm convinced it's forever and I'm never coming out of it. Even my therapist asked me a few weeks back if I had evidence that I don't come out of it and of course I don't so that made me feel loads better but in the throws it's going on forever!
I upped the dose to 4 pumps myself and although Prof said no, I still did it. It did make me feel better but yep periods were semi regular before so probably making the periods worse (to be honest, I don't give a monkeys about the period, I can cope as been through many years flooding and flooding) but it's just the anxiety! Arrrggghhh!
Sorry for the long post. I have verbal diarrhoea today I think.... another bloody symptom...
