If only it were that easy Dangermouse
. I don't tell those closest to me because I get 'you don't want to be depressed', or 'put your feelings to one side or you will spoil the day for me' ………
. Friends are otherwise busy and don't rely on me for company so unless it's a 'pop round for a cuppa' I tend not to book ahead. Same with holidays. Spur of the moment I can do …….. usually. If there is him and me then it's OK if I call off at the last minute, add more people to the mix and it gets harder and harder ……..
My feelings are physical. There is NO imagination involved. On days when I cope then there is no trace of anxiety, some days it is background and we and he go out and about; when it floors me then there is no way I can step out the door or if it strikes when we are away, I take the emergency med.. I have been in situations that ought to trigger anxiety and have literally looked over my left shoulder for it to strike - but it hasn't
. I've been out and about when it suddenly attacks me …… OK one second, floored in an instant.
I remember having to go to birthday parties as a child. I grew up in an isolated village with 5 houses and 3 older children in the road ……… the next village was half a mile away. School meant going on a bus
…….. I think that because I was raised to be seen and not heard I withdrew, looking on and found that far easier until I was forced into school …… and then parties and then play ground protocol …….
