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[Ambert]

Hi everyone
This is my first post here, I've lurked for a while but never been brave enough to post!
I'm 44 and am starting to really suffer dreadful symptoms that I believe to be menopause related. My GP gives me pretty short-shrift to be honest, despite suffering very specific symptoms for a while which met all the ovarian cancer "indicators"....a locum GP finally took notice of them and referred me, so I'm currently going through the whole range of tests, have high CA125 levels, but negative ultrasound, last week I had a CT scan and am awaiting results.

Besides that (which is bad enough!) I have developed crippling anxiety 😢. This started with the fear of cancer but has now focussed in on my palpitations and dizziness which are everyday symptoms for me. I feel jerky, trembly, dizzy, utterly exhausted and horribly emotional. I panic about everything now, loud noises, car journeys, baby animals on tv (😂), absolutely everything. I've had numerous people listen to my heart and numerous ECGs, and have been told it's perfectly normal, but I can't get a grip on that. I'm convinced I'm dying. 
I take every vitamin and mineral going, have been given beta blockers to take when it's really bad, but I just feel like I want to curl up in a ball and sleep for a year. I don't have much of a support network, no close family around, so I really am facing this alone. My partner is not terribly understanding, I might get a cursory pat on the back and a "there there", but nothing like the love and reassurance I need.
 
Am I normal? Am I losing the plot?
I'd appreciate any kind words any of you may have to offer me. Is anyone going through a similar situation?

Amber xx

[Bettyboo]

Hi Ambert

Welcome to MM, you'll find a fab group of supportive ladies here and I'm sure someone will be along soon with some good advice. I just wanted to reassure you that you are not alone. All the symptoms you describe can be attributed to meno. In addition, you have the added issue of the cancer worry, which must be a very frightening concern for you. I've had and continue to have all the symptoms you describe, including the fear of cancer, although that is my health anxiety rather than something like you are going through at the moment. It's no surprise that you are feeling like this.

It is difficult when our partner is not supportive. I can really sympathise with that as mine is one of the 'pull yourself together brigade'. He has some health issues of his own now, and surprise, surprise, I am supposed to rally round and be supportive (which I am). Do you just take the BB as and when? I have been on 40mg BB for over three years now and they really do make a difference to the palpitations. Can you take them continuously?

Try to take one day at a time and have a big hug from me 

BB

[Ambert]

Aw, thankyou both....
I have been given the BBs to take as and when, although I have found that if I don't take the regular 3 X a day, it takes a while for the effect to kick in again. I suppose that tells its own story, take them 3 X a day until I settle down. My trouble is I see taking meds as a failure, I was brought up to believe that you were "weak" if you had to take meds for anything, and I still can't kick that belief!
I'm currently attempting to get myself ready to get out of the house which is no easy feat when I'm just wanting to get back into bed:-( Trying to keep calm and think positive thoughts....
Amber xx

[CLKD]

I have to take BBs every day - I split my 40mg dose into evening and morning.  I can't understand the 'as necessary' advice for BBs - which 1 have you been prescribed? 

Do you have a family history of ovarian cancer?  I arrived here via Ovacome, you may find browsing their web-site helpful.  Your symptoms sound 'within normal limits' for peri-menopause but it is good that you are being investigated because some 'normal' problems can mimic meno  .  Maybe your GP should run a full blood screening, i.e. for anemia, thyroid function …….. do you have a Practice Nurse that you could chat with who may well be more sympathetic!

Anxiety can be eased by BB and some anti-depressants [ADs] can ease symptoms.  I also have an emergency tablet when anxiety cripples me.  I have to make sure that I eat correctly and often enough as if the body is hungry, it can cause anxiety surges.

When my phobia was acute I would check every part of me from head to foot before going into a shop to make sure that I didn't feel sick.  I knew where every bin was in every shop, in case  .  Those symptoms would cause everything you describe: shakiness, nausea, wobbly legs ……..

If you are hungry, do you not eat?  I can't understand this 'failure' for those who need to take ADs …….. it's a failure not to respond to what the body requires - if you were diabetic or had a chronic heart condition would you avoid what is suggested/prescribed?  Also, why the need to tell anyone  - do you tell people every time you change your socks ;-) ?  The only people who know about my medical treatment/s are my GP, Husband, Surgeon/s - in that order.   Other than sharing here to offer experiences, very few friends know and those who do, don't remember because in the great scheme of things ……..


Deep breathing and yoga can be useful during times of stress, 'me' time which allows the person to gain a little control.

Let us know how you get on.  I thought of something else whilst typing but it's flittered off into the ether - it was probably good advice too 

[babyjane]

Hi ambert and welcome to the forum  .  I remember back in my late 40s I was also scared and wondering what on earth was happening but I didn't have this forum back then so things were difficult to say the least.  I can still remember thinking I had a terminal illness or dementia, more than once I was going to leave my husband because it was all his fault and I kept falling out with people.  Nothing was right and I didn't enjoy anything.  It was a horrible time.  It wasn't till I had my first hot flush that the penny dropped and I understood what might be going on and went to talk to my doctor.  By then I was 51.

I learned more from this forum than I would ever have learned otherwise and it also stopped me running to my doctor with every small question and worry.  I cannot tell you how reassuring it is to have a niggling worry, think you are the only one only to read on here that it is common and many other ladies also have the same thing.

Hope you enjoy the forum and that you find the same level of information and support - oh, and change your doctor to one who 'get it' and is up to date on menopause issues 

BTW CLKD talks a lot of sense in her post 

[CLKD]

   sometimes my ramblings are useful 

Let us know how you get on.

[peri]

Hi Ambert

As others have said your symptoms all sound like classic Peri, so try not to worry 40% of women have a difficult time apparently.  Also don't rule out hrt it makes you feel so much better, and it's not taking meds simply putting back what your body is no longer making x

[Ambert]

Thankyou all for your helpful and reassuring responses....it is so pleasing to hear that I am not the only one going through this. When I'm lying in bed having woken drenched in sweat and having horrendous palpitations and panicking, it's so easy to think that I'm the only person in the world feeling like that right then!

CLKD, I have been prescribed 10mg propranolol tabs. The GP said I could take 1 or 2 tablets 3 X a day, or as and when I needed them. I'm guessing I need to be taking them regularly to get them properly working in my system rather than just taking them when I feel panicky?
The whole feeling a failure thing is very much something that's been drummed into me since childhood. Asking for help was always seen as a sign of weakness and I know I'm very hard on myself. I'm sure that's part of the problem, I never make time for me, I'm all about making sure everyone else is ok. I always think if I had no arms or legs, I'd still be rushing around trying to make sure everyone is alright, to the detriment of myself!

My most concerning symptom at the moment is the irregular jumpy heartbeat, it completely freaks me out, despite being told a zillion times I'm fine. I'm trying to learn to meditate so I can shut myself off from feeling them, has anyone any tips for ways to ignore them?

Thank you wonderful ladies!!

Amber xx

[CLKD]

Have a chat with a Pharmacist?  I swallow Propranolol 20mg x 2, initially I was on 80mg at night for 3 months before being dropped to 40mg, every night to keep the drug levels even.

You are the adult now so can begin to make decisions for you  .  Small treats - we have a thread about it somewhere  - for you.  My go to is a deep bubble bath, cuppa with Very Good Book  .  Or sitting with feet in a bowl of warm water.

[countrybumpkin]

Hi Ambert    I could write a book about the weird heart things of menopause. Apparently according to the specialist cardio I saw any hormonal upheaval like puberty pregnancy and menopause can cause all sorts of  funny heartbeats that are not dangerous but the are very unpleasant. I personally developed super ventricular tachycardia which is not harmful but gives me a feeling in my chest of incredibly fast heartbeat ( it is) and I feel rather faint as well but a big cough resets it.  You might want to try the deep breath and big cough or holding your nose and blowing so your ears pop ( valsalva manouvre) as both these reset your hearbeat.  The cardio made me laugh by saying " plunging your face into cold water also works but not really possible out in public!".

Sorry your waiting for results. If you have never had a ca125 test before then they do not know what is normal for you. Lots of other conditions can cause it go be high other than ovarian cancer which is why its not used a routine screening.  Its best use is when its done yearly so they can see if it changes dramarically.  HOpefully yours is normally high for other reasons.

Please let us know how you get on, will be thinking of you.x

[Ambert]

Thankyou CLKD....I will look into the best dosage and frequency for the BBs. I too love a hot bath and shut myself away with headphones on and a good book.
Country bumpkin, thankyou. It's good to hear I'm not alone. I'll let you know how I get on with the CT results and the next round of bloods. I see my gynae consultant on the 9th August so will know more then. I may even chat to him about my options as regards HRT. Sounds like it could possibly help me.
Amber x

[Taz2]

Hi Ambert - sorry you are dealing with this but it's good news that you had a negative ultrasound. As countrybumpkin says unless you have had your CA125 level regularly tested you have no way of knowing whether this level is perfectly normal for you. The advice on the Ovarian Cancer site says

"In most healthy women the level of CA125 is usually less than 35. However, some women do have a naturally high level of CA125 in their blood. The level of CA125 in the blood can rise for many reasons, which include endometriosis, menstruation, ovarian cysts, and sometimes ovarian cancer"

Naturally high levels can occur in some women so please hold on this fact.

Let us know how you get on and take what you need from us during this time.

Taz x 

[zelda]

It sounds completely like Peri, I had very similiar symptoms and ended up in A&E, after having every test under the sun they said it was just that my HRT had not kicked in yet (had only been taking it 2 months).

[Annika]

Sorry to hear what you are going through Ambert but at least you have some great advice from the ladies on here and somewhere to vent. I had the test done CA125 a few years ago when I had many cysts on my ovaries some where not clear on the ultrasound..well it worried me sick for a week waiting for results. From what the doctor mentioned this test is not that accurate but for now its the best they have so try not to get too upset. Anyway my best to you..hang in there we've all gone through the panicky periods..so sending hugs your way 

[Cagsy51]

I think well I know I'm in peri my periods are irregular went 6mths but now I've started with this brown stringy discharge which is worrying me , anyone else had this ?