Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[CLKD]

Hard work then Dorothy? 

[Dorothy]

Hard work then Dorothy?

Some days!  But mostly it's fine.  I just hope she doesn't end up with major health issues through refusing to consider HRT - she's another early meno lady & sounds to me like she might have the beginnings of VA, but is adamant that all she needs is a positive outlook on life and it will all go away...

[CLKD]

"If you change your mind, let your GP know!" - have an answer ready for her.  Also, tell her that you are no longer interested in her 'flying through without problems' because not many ladies do and she perhaps ought to write how she's done it for so long 

[Dana]

I suppose a positive outlook can go a long way, but there comes a point where you do need extra help. My particular friend hadn't been a long standing friend. I had only known her for about a year or so, and she was one of those arrogant "I know everything" type of people which I find really annoying, so losing her friendship wasn't an issue for me, but I understand it's much harder when they've been a friend for so long.

[babyjane]

friendship is a 2 way street, not one party lording it over another.  Friendships are also like marriage, requiring hard work, compromise and respect from both sides.

I find it gruelling trying to maintain a one sided 'friendship' so I have let some go in the past and been better for it.

I was a poor friend at school through no fault of my own but I am, finally, getting that sorted and understanding why, which is why I look for that two way relationship now from a friend.

Dana, it sounds as though the friend you have let go was not contributing much to the friendship anyway.

Dorothy, it sounds as though you and your friend have this relationship based on mutual respect and I am sure you can overcome this issue at this time of your lives.

[booboo]

I have had people spout " Positive mental attitude" and I have bought many books & tried deep breathing, meditation etc - Unfortunately try as hard as I might I cannot seem to master it... I envy those that manage to control their feelings/thoughts without any other form of help.. We are all different & have different influences, experiences & reactions - so " positive mental attitude" and all that stuff is not so easy for everyone..

[babyjane]

My brain's default setting has always been that of a pessimist and my glass was always half empty or nearly empty.  With help I am addressing this, but PMA certainly  does not sit naturally with me and I don't think you should feel bad if you do not have the same mindset as more naturally positive people.

[CLKD]

If a positive attitude solved the World's ills 

[ancient runner]

Suppose your friend told you that a positive mental attitude would mean you didn't need antibiotics, or steroids, or chemotherapy? Would you pay any attention to that? Or think, no, this treatment is what I need?
Sometimes people are very very odd about HRT. As if not using it is some kind of badge of honour. I think it's more than the cancer scare, and there is something psychological about it. If it's been prescribed for you, and you need it, then your friend needs to beak out. I would be tempted to tell her that you are no longer interested in hearing her opinion on this and change the subject.

[Dorothy]

Suppose your friend told you that a positive mental attitude would mean you didn't need antibiotics, or steroids, or chemotherapy? Would you pay any attention to that? Or think, no, this treatment is what I need?
Sometimes people are very very odd about HRT. As if not using it is some kind of badge of honour. I think it's more than the cancer scare, and there is something psychological about it. If it's been prescribed for you, and you need it, then your friend needs to beak out. I would be tempted to tell her that you are no longer interested in hearing her opinion on this and change the subject.

It seems to be many women's reaction to anything to do with their reproductive systems.  Have you noticed the way many women who are able to breastfeed are so smug when talking to women who aren't?  Or the way someone who gave birth naturally is often so patronising to anyone who has a C-section?  There seems to be this huge competition as to who can suffer the most while accepting the least help. And a refusal to accept that the other woman may genuinely have been in different circumstances to yourself, so would be unable to manage without intervention.

[CLKD]

Oh well said!  I've never run with the Crowd  ……… my Mum can say some stingy remarks otherwise ;-)

[Dana]

I have had people spout " Positive mental attitude" and I have bought many books & tried deep breathing, meditation etc - Unfortunately try as hard as I might I cannot seem to master it... I envy those that manage to control their feelings/thoughts without any other form of help.. We are all different & have different influences, experiences & reactions - so " positive mental attitude" and all that stuff is not so easy for everyone..

I am naturally a very positive and optimistic person, but it only goes so far. When your life is really crap, you are still going to feel the crap. You need to allow yourself to indulge in those feelings, otherwise you're just shoving things under the carpet.

When things were really bad for me about 4 years ago, with menopause and other issues, I still had suicidal thoughts. That wasn't pleasant, but it is what it is. I couldn't control those feelings with my optimism. I guess the only difference is that when you have a positive outlook, it's a bit easier to say "things will eventually get better", but you still have to weather the storms. There aren't any easy ways out, regardless of all this "positive mental attitude" bullcrap.

[linz57]

Hear hear Dorothy! I had to suffer the tut tutting and comments of other new mums at the baby clinic because I didn't breast feed or go around for the first twelve months dressed in a vomit stained tracksuit!
Each to their own, we're all different and respond in our own ways. I also can't get along with all the Headspace stuff, it actually makes me more stressed ,but good on those who can master it.