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[Cookie]

Hi everyone, new to this forum, and this question does not relate to the menopause at all, other than the fact that I'm probably more sensitive to the situation I'm about to explain that I would previously have been because of the great hormone war my body is waging .

My husband has moved into a new job in the organisation we both work for and all the women are extremely touchy-feely.  A lot of them are quite young compared to me - I'm 49, they probably range in age from 23-40, with one over 60, but every one of them feels it's ok to touch him when they talk.  This varies from a stroke or squeeze of the arm to full blown 'leaning on the shoulder' and hugging when they say goodbye.  At first he was taken aback, but it wasn't too bad, but now it's constant.  I know nothing sexual is going to happen but it really bothers me that they think this is ok.  They even do it in front of me, so I know it's innocent and platonic but it's actually really uncomfortable for me and because of that it's really uncomfortable for him too.

But they don't do it with each other or with every other male colleague.  He's a very friendly and personable guy, everyone likes him, and it's one of the things I love about him.  But because he didn't nip it in the bud in the beginning because he didn't now how it's now got too awkward.

Has anyone else had to deal with this?  I'm looking for tips on how he can say he's uncomfortable with this without looking or feeling silly.

[Dulciana]

Hi Cookie, and welcome to the forum. 

Maybe your hubby could gently remind them that it's important to keep things professional in the workplace.  I knew somebody who used to address colleagues by cuddly nicknames, until one senior colleague asked this person to stop.  It didn't sour workplace relations.

Dulciana.

[Pennyfarthing]

IT is a tricky situation because it seems the norm now for people to hug and kiss each other all the time!  I personally don't like it unless its a very good friend I've known for years.  My parents and siblings were never touchy feely so it feels odd to me.

I know for sure my adult son would hate working somewhere like this .... He hates being hugged and kissed by people and always has done.

I think your hubby is just going to make a joke of it and hold them at arms length if it really bothers him.  I don't think there's anything wrong with just saying "err ..... Personal space please."

[CLKD]

What position is he in?  That can determine how touchy feeely colleagues might be.  However, it's OK 4 him to say "I'm married, also I prefer to keep my work space professional during commercial hours" ……… do not joke about it and don't leave it any longer.  Put foot down with firm hand.

[Dorothy]

I've had a problem recently with a guy who keeps hugging everyone & insisting he can do this because it's his culture.  First time, I explained politely that I wasn't comfortable with hugging people other than close family/friends.  Second time, I took a step back and said very firmly, 'that's NOT ok in MY culture'.  It seems to have worked as he doesn't seem to be offended but has stopped the hugging.

It really doesn't matter what position he holds or what type of business he is working in - no one should be forced to accept physical contact that makes them uncomfortable in any situation.  It is your right to refuse.

[CLKD]

   'culture' includes insisting that their wives are veiled; FMG is 'cultural' ; where does it stop?  Good for you Dorothy, good response!

[Ju Ju]

Some people can say things that others cannot get away with. It depends on how it is said, who it is said to, context etc. DH gets away with a lot, because he is kind, funny and mischievous. And he is loved for it, yet someone could say the same thing and be offensive. Perhaps it is because he is respects and likes people. What a complex world for some people to negotiate.

[Dorothy]

I get your point Ju Ju but in this case, we're talking about inappropriate physical contact, so it should be ok for ANYONE to say they are not happy with it.  And if the person you speak to is not happy with your comment...well, YOU haven't been happy with their touching/hugging or whatever, so they don't really have grounds to complain!  No one should put up with being touched in a way that makes them feel uncomfortable because they don't want to offend.

[CLKD]

What did he decide?