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[Justjules]

I know, I probably am expecting too much too soon but something needs to work soon. Dr said I could have an ECG next week and then go back on BBs but then I'll be fretting about interactions so can't win.

Yes, Dyan, saw your thread about you waiting for your mirena to be changed...don't know anything about them or HRT really but hope you feel better soon. The racing heart is awful, makes me so anxious for a few hours and I'm missing a couple of hours precious sleep because if it.

[booboo]

Justjules - know just how you feel - The mornings are the worst, as soon as I awake the thoughts start & the anx is there - just want to the night to come again so can sleep and not endure the  hellish feelings and thoughts ...People that don't suffer struggle to understand and sympathise & lose patience ( I guess) - which makes us feel more alone and the anx/panic becomes depression.. I have been on Citalopram for a few years now, but cant say they really do much & sometimes I just have to resort to a diazepam to calm my mind down...

[Dyan]

  :hug:when do you see your GP again Booboo?

[Clovie]

One week I can almost feel normal - as in not thinking bad/negative thoughts all the time, always fearing some health issue & going back over things in the past ...Then it all comes again and I get into a cycle of anxiety and fearing all bad things ...will be 55 this year and just sometimes struggle to see any future ..

Booboo, I understand how you feel. 

I was exactly the same, exactly, late last year and earlier this year.
I was in a very dark place with all you describe above plus also insomnia and paranoia (basically that people don't like me, both strangers and people I knew. I can see how irrational that was now but at the time I was CONVINCED)

I don't know if you're on HRT? 
I eventually took myself in a sobbing heap to the GP and after researching I asked for estrogel so that I could up my oestrogen to see if that helped.
I also asked for small dose of older AD for the sleep issues.

Long story short, I ditched my 2mg oestrogen tablets and switched to 3 pumps of gel and I am much much better! 
If you are on HRT could you up your oestrogen , just to see if it helps? If not on HRT could you be persuaded to try?
My negative feelings have gone. I still get little bearable blips as I am still in perimenopause but all in all much better.

[Clovie]

Also sending hugs to you other ladies suffering similarly

Interesting to read this whole thread, as I too was 'a bit OCD' early in life and am now like that with neatness around the home. I've never been diagnosed with anything either but in this age of internet information and research I recognise traits which are definitely me, also traits of aspergers too. I particularly cannot shake off bad experiences and will dwell and dwell on them much longer than is normal. I wish I didn't but that's me.

Also of interest and I wonder if you can relate is - if I am having a feeling good stretch with nothing to worry about and should be happy and enjoying the good times, that is when I will start to get the 'what ifs' creep in. Mainly a fear of illness, like something is SURE to happen to make me sad and worry again. Like I need something to worry about? 
I know it's all silly now but when it happens, it's real.

Anyhoo, just to reiterate, extra oestrogen did help me. I feel fine. For now at least! 

[Justjules]

Interesting you say that Clovie.  My therapist told me that in a perverse sort of way, our anxiety state give us some sort of comfort blanket because it's all we know as feel 'safe' there even though it's horrendous.  When we feel 'free' we then feel vulnerable and that's when the 'what ifs' start and we then get back into the circle of anxiety yet again.  I can relate to that. 

[Dyan]

Hi Clovie, thank you for that. It's good to hear something positive.
I just want to feel ' normal ' again. I use sandrena gel and have a mirena which is being changed soon.
I am experiencing the low progesterone symptoms, anxiety, low mood, no sense of well being, cramps,Breast pain. I have to wait until my infection is cleared before I can have a new mirena- can't wait!
,

[Clovie]

Yes Clovie - I get exactly the same feeling - the good stretch can't possibly last forever as something bad is bound to come along to, usually health related and then any odd twinge is something really awful! 

Interesting about dwelling on all the bad things that have happened - one of my daughters is exactly like that, she remembers conversations from years ago and she worries like crazy about them now, why did she say this? why did that person say that?  She is also like me in that everything is all or nothing.  Is that an OCD trait?

S x

If that IS an OCD trait, then that's me for sure!
I too go over and over stuff from the past and also recent events too. "Why did I say that?"  "I should have said this/that" 
It drives my hubby nuts. He says I overthink and analyse everything.
I'm much worse coming up to and during my period/bleed due to progesterone, but it's bearable with utrogestan. With the synthetic progs I was off the page.   
Before I upped the oestrogen it seemed to be all the time though 

and YES sparkle!! You have summed up how I feel in your first paragraph!
It's like when everything is good and I'm on top of everthing within my POWER to be on top of, the fear of serious illness or something bad happening outwith my control creeps in. It's exactly that.  And I can relate to the comfort blanket thing too. I'ts like it's normal for me to be worried about something.


. 

[Clovie]

Oops, meant to write
Good luck Dyan! 

[Dyan]

  Clovie X

[Miss Lemon]

I experience all of the above to. It doesn't take much to tip me over the edge into anxiety/depression then I worry about everything and can become paranoid and think that people don't like me, are talking about me etc. I find that things seem more manageable if I get enough sleep.

I'm still so confused re HRT etc. I was always led to believe that anxiety etc were the result of high estrogen, not low. my GP is desperate to get me on HRT and I'm still thinking about it. I've been using bio-identical progesterone for a couple of years which makes a huge difference if I use it properly and religiously but I don't always.

Thank God for this site!