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[Sooby]

One of the most challenging things for me about peri meno has been a decreased capacity for challenge and uncertainty and a serious lack of resilience. The trials and traumas of a life with livestock seems just too much to deal with and particularly at the end of the day when I feel drained.

I'm sat watching the lambing camera waiting for my last ewe to lamb and at the same time hoping that she dosent as I just dont feel that I have the mental and emotional capacity to deal with a difficult birth. Meno has made this years lambing a tiring and stressful ordeal rather than the highlight of the shepherding year and made me decide not to lamb next year in order to give me and the ewes a break.

Thanks to the HRT I am no longer getting the off the chart panic attacks when confronted with lambs that cant suck or stand and ewes that have a lamb stuck in their "doo dah" or no milk in their udders but I am feeling stressed to the point of feeling too overwhelmed to cope.

Well meno or not, I'm still a woman at the end of the day so no matter how freaked out I feel or how much I have wanted to run away, I have of course knuckled down to it and got it done. Now ladies you wouldn't accept any less from yourselves now would you? 

I just wondered if the capable, confident, take on anything with an expectation of achieving it me will ever return. Or weather I should accept my emotional incapacity and start scaling things down?

[coldethyl]

I don't know if I was ever capable or confident but I certainly dealt with things better than I do now. Ok I used to get anxious and worked up and barged round doing stuff but I could do it. Now I feel like every ounce of capability has gone and I'm finding it takes me all my time to choose what to wear or pay credit card bill on time. I used to be main emotional and life support from my son who is on autistic spectrum and is brilliant but useless at same time , but now I have to let OH deal with it all as I just can't face it. I think we just have to roll with it how it is and take time for ourselves so that we can cope a bit better with the essentials. I'm hoping it gets better as I can hardly read a paragraph these days without losing track or feeling overwhelmed and I used to love to read a book a week or less.

[CLKD]

I was thinking about you today ……….  with regards lambing.  I think at this time of Life stuff gets more difficult.  We are 20 years younger than when we first began hobbies that take up time, i.e. you with your lambing - I couldn't walk dogs as I did even 5 years ago  .  When my late M in L told me I would become less active I poo-poohed the idea  and I HATE not having the resilience.

Could you not get help with the lambing, i.e. a Student Vet. Nurse - my friend did that when she had stock during calving - a couple of Vets. stayed over-night in her house and they did a rota ……. is it feasible to have a break; planning not to have the rams on board and what happens to the ewes in that year off?

Do you have rare breeds?

I can't own pets because the responsibility became too much  : it broke my heart.

[coldethyl]

Oh Colde

   Im sending you a big hug....and the suggestion of an audio book...? 

That's a good idea actually . When I had my first major bout of anxiety 12 yrs ago I used to listen to Agatha Christie stories on tape.,must drag them out. X

[CLKD]

When I was unable to sleep in the night years ago I had radio2 by the bed ………

[CLKD]

Knowing limitations is important!  How many ewes make what you do viable?  Are there young farmers who would benefit from learning about your rare breed? is there a petting farm close by?

Loaning out rams comes with Movement Paper work etc., another hassle?  I know years ago someone had 5 rare breed rams that he loaned out as lawn mowers  - they were Soay sheep I think - but that was B4 movement orders 

Don't lose heart.  Once the lambs are gambolling safely you'll feel less stressed.  Watching them will lift your Spirits!

[Lizab]

I don't know but I'm counting on it returning! I know women in their late 60s and 70s that seem to have double the stamina I have, always involved socially, hosting parties, go on adventures, whitewater rafting and such. Granted, I think at their age they have a little more flexibility in daily life to say no and take a lazy day if they need to, but I'm using these women for inspiration. Also, there are women that have surgical menopause even in their 20s. Surely they don't pack it in and spend the rest of their lives an old lady? This is temporary. It has to be.

[Mary1962]

I am remaining optimistic that some of our former selves, (maybe not all) returns when this very trying time of life has past! You have my admiration trying to cope with it all in a lambing shed! I don't feel like the person I was 4 years ago and wish it would crack on and get over and done with it all.  Running the gamut of emotions is the worst bit as I was a lucky one and never really had a problem with PMT during my entire life - now, very different.  There is some sadness attached to loss of self and what I could do before, where nothing phased me really and I could cope with most eventualities that came my way - I called myself feeble tonight to someone who I had to ask for some help from - doing something that normally I would just deal with.  I have a sister 13 years older than me (I'm 53) and she says it will get better so I hold onto that thought   I think as well it's been the worst of winters, I don't know anyone perimenopausal or otherwise who hasn't found this long grey winter easy. 

[CLKD]

Crikey Teresa  - Photos? 

[CLKD]

Sounds great fun 

[babyjane]

I think I must be a mixture of several of you represented here 

I don't know if I was ever capable or confident but I certainly dealt with things better than I do now. Ok I used to get anxious and worked up and barged round doing stuff but I could do it.

That is me, anxious and worked up and barging round trying to do everything

You cant beat a bit of Marple for stress busting escapism. In fact there is one on in a few mins so I'm going to switch off the lamb cam and take a break for an hour into some charming british drama.

 

sooby who is your favourite Marple?  I love Joan Hickson.  Not keen on Geraldine Mckewn, she makes her too twee and humorous.  I think I know most of the scripts by heart I have watched them all so much.  Do you also like Midsomer Murders?  I do 

  Im OK if life is on an even keel but if something upsets my balance it really has an effect on my coping skills.  And this has magnified through peri.  Having said that I do feel things have improved a bit, I don't feel as negative about everything as I did.  But I have learned that I have to pace myself and be quite strict about what I take on.  I'm hoping things will improve but in a way I don't mind as I'm quite happy with a simple life, just as long as other people don't impose their lives on me, I'm content.

S x

Yes well we were just separated at birth Sparky xx

CLKD, I hear you about the resonsibility for pets.  As our little dog gets older sometimes the emotional and financial responsibility weighs heavy.  When his time is over I doubt we will have another one as things are at the moment x

[Hurdity]

I think while peri-menopausal one becomes less resilient because of the hormonal turmoil - so that one is less able to cope with everyday traumas and things you would once take in your stride - and get upset/anxious more easily. However when post-menopausal there comes an acceptance of oneself and life - once the hormones have stopped surging - and especially if you remain on HRT. There is less emotion I feel - less excitement and zest for life as when fertile and ovulating each month with lovely surges of oestrogen - but it does brings a calmness even if a bit boring....!!! Also depends on life circumstances and what you have to deal with ie family - but I certainly don't spend time analysing, or dwelling on myself nor indulging in introspection ( remember teenage years and all that angst!!) - although I've always been a worrier. Definitely it does get better - all you women going through it now - but I recommend HRT if you possibly can and persist until you find the right combo - because that helps so much with quality of life

Hurdity x

[CLKD]

When my late M in L was diagnosed with a brain tumour a lot of 'stuff' fell into place.  As with closed head injury her inhibitions disappeared.  From a gentle thinking soul her anger manifested itself and she used language like a navvy! because the tumour was pressing on the part of the brain responsible for inhibition control.  Maybe it's the same with dementia, the person loses the ability to be conscious of what is 'correct' in a social society.

How's the lambkins now, in the fields already 

[babyjane]

Oh dear CLKD, I have been angry and using bad language today.  I hope it is the tail end of the AD withdrawal and the effect of it on my brain 

[CLKD]

"so a break to recharge and reflect "