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[Dulciana]

Over the past three months, I've become more and more wound up about something, so that it's had a physical effect on me and I'm back to quite a few symptoms that I thought I'd got rid of.  I think this is anxiety-based, because when I'm not stressed, the symptoms fade.   I've spent the past few days in quite a stressed-out state and so I was wondering if anyone here has any tips on how to really, really relax and calm down, mentally and physically, with a lasting effect.   
Can anyone help?  Thanks, Dulciana. 

[orrla]

Ever tried Valerian-Hops oral drops?

Discovered by chance, they help me when I get into... motion

Best,

[Sarai]

Whatever I say please believe it's not patronising. I'm trying it too.
First take deep breaths regularly and just stop for a second. Regularly check your shoulders see if you are holding any tension, and relax them. Stop a few times a day and do a body scan, sit comfy, close your eyes and focus on your body head to toe, bit by bit,gently breathing. It should take about 2 minutes. It really helps.
Lastly life is short, I've attended a funeral today of a lady 66 who had a sudden heart attack, leaving 3 sons and 7 grandchildren. Many of the things we whittle about are such a waste of energy and will we even remember what they are next year. Ask yourself does it really matter?

[Dulciana]

Whatever I say please believe it's not patronising. I'm trying it too.
First take deep breaths regularly and just stop for a second. Regularly check your shoulders see if you are holding any tension, and relax them. Stop a few times a day and do a body scan, sit comfy, close your eyes and focus on your body head to toe, bit by bit,gently breathing. It should take about 2 minutes. It really helps.

Thanks Sarai.  These are just the sort of things I was hoping someone would come up with.  I'll let my tea go down and then have a go. 
Tiggergirl and Orrla - Thanks, too. I hadn't thought of either of these.  Will definitely try them.   

D.   

[coldethyl]

Mindfulness meditation is very good which is like what Sarai describes. I've also found the book called the Happiness Trap by Russ Harris useful. It's a sort of westernised secular take on Buddhist thought and is full of useful advice about relaxation and just being present in the moment. MY CBT therapist recommended it instead of CBT as often worriers just get caught up in endless thought challenging anyway which isn't helpful. This asks you to just observe your thoughts as just thoughts and not facts and let them come and go without giving them energy. It's not easy but I am finding that I can do it a bit more and am able to deal more effectively with the stuff that needs thinking about because I am more relaxed overall.
Every morning and night in bed I do a mindful mediation where I focus on my breathing for a few minutes and then allow the tension to go with the out breath. I then either allow myself to just keep focusing on breath and let mind settle as it will , always bringing it back to the counting of my breath or a phrase that I like or sometimes I allow the sounds in the room to be my focus and let them come in and go as I breath. It does help calm me and even when I don't manage to settle my mind for long, I don't judge myself. That is what is at core of mindfulness and the Buddhist thought. Nothing is right or wrong- it just is as it is in that moment.
Exercise is also helpful as it gets rid of some of the sloshing around adrenalin so just a short walk every day or few runs up  and downstairs can help.

[Pollie]

Lastly life is short, I've attended a funeral today of a lady 66 who had a sudden heart attack, leaving 3 sons and 7 grandchildren. Many of the things we whittle about are such a waste of energy and will we even remember what they are next year. Ask yourself does it really matter?

This bought a tear to my eye - today of all days 


So I just thought it needed repeating - you know, just to put things back into perspective again

Pollie
Xx

[Ju Ju]

My sister died at the age of 50 in 2002, leaving a son of 15 and a daughter of 16. She didn't get the chance to grow old. Obviously, I grieved, but also it may me face my own mortality. I am lucky, as I am growing older.

I have done a lot of things since then that I had been putting off till tomorrow ( including a trip round the world ) but also accepting myself and things as they are. When I start to stress, the thought ' I'm ok. It's ok.' come into my mind. I don't have to be someone making a huge impression on the world, just be kind to myself and others. I am less judgemental of myself and of the thoughts that drift into my mind, which in its turn help to make me less judgemental of others. I am calmer. When it comes to health issues, I do the best I can and trust my body to do the best it can. It's kept me alive this long, so it's not doing so bad!

 And when really stressed? Listen to a good hypnotherapy cd, lying down and drifting off and coming to, revitalised. I have one by Paul McKenna on confidence that does the trick.

 And Dulciana.... I have never met you, but you are one of my inspirations. 

[Dulciana]

I have done a lot of things since then that I had been putting off till tomorrow ( including a trip round the world ) but also accepting myself and things as they are. When I start to stress, the thought ' I'm ok. It's ok.' come into my mind. I don't have to be someone making a huge impression on the world, just be kind to myself and others. I am less judgemental of myself and of the thoughts that drift into my mind, which in its turn help to make me less judgemental of others. I am calmer. When it comes to health issues, I do the best I can and trust my body to do the best it can. It's kept me alive this long, so it's not doing so bad!  And when really stressed? Listen to a good hypnotherapy cd, lying down and drifting off and coming to, revitalised. I have one by Paul McKenna on confidence that does the trick.

 And Dulciana.... I have never met you, but you are one of my inspirations. 

Ju Ju - thanks.................And thanks.

 

[CLKD]

Oh I'm the same, I rant at the evening News most nights  - usually about things I can't alter. 

What's your trigger in particular?  Isn't there a saying 'give me the strength to accept when I can't alter things and to know the difference ' 

Whereas Himself rarely gets bothered about anything    ……… bugga 

My trigger at the moment is the hype as to whether we should be in or out of Europe.  I really want the MPs in my area to get together and do a 'surgery'/several so that the public can go along and listen so that we get informed information …….. not like the scare-mongering from the daily papers is giving us 

Have you tried hitting a cushion?  Don't kick a door, it hurts 

[Dulciana]

CLKD - my triggers?  Intense conversations (usually with daughter); anyone challenging me; anything with a psychological kick-back; thinking hard about something; heavy conversations late at night or early in the morning.    I don't know about hitting cushions or doors - what I really need is something to quieten my mind, relax my muscles and allow me to come back down to somewhere gentle. (It tends to be mostly people who can have this effect on me.  Oddly enough, put me at the organ and I'm away!    Not always possible, though!)   I've always been a deep thinker, and a worrier, too - I remember being 6 and clutching my stomach at the thoughts of going to school, one day - but these days, it all seems to have taken an upward surge and things can really get to me, nearly flooring me in the process.         That's why I need to be really, really calmed down..........

[CLKD]

That's why people go to boxing rings - to get rid of suppressed anger in a controlled envionrment.  Punching cushions for a few moments followed by sitting quietly because the initial stress is expelled.  Background worry - I can relate to your holding your stomach - can induce such reactions.

I find that if we chat late at night Himself goes off to sleep whilst I remain awake, churning stuff over 

People can get to me really easily - his mother used to wind me up quite easily    ……. and people around me are less easy to confront than 'stuff' !

Yoga?  Swimming?  Jogging? Washing up is calming for me.  Sitting in the garden helps too …….

[limpy]

That's why people go to boxing rings - to get rid of suppressed anger in a controlled envionrment.

Are we talking about the ones watching, or those with the gloves on?

[Dulciana]

No, it's not suppressed anger with me, CLKD.  I'm not one for suppressing my emotions, never have been.  This is all about me shaking off the effects of people or events that have wound me up, which is quite easily done these days!    I hate conflict, and I can't stand uncertainty.  They stress me out, big time and they're the reasons why I have to find ways of winding down.

Tiggergirl - I have been wondering about CBT......

Dulciana

[CLKD]

Crikey - what age groups are the children?  We don't have a thread on multiples I don't think    [yet]

When I couldn't sleep I would have the radio on by the bed.  Early hours music was often soothing.  Himself is reluctant to confront issues.  Whereas I charge in, saying what I think these days.  That didn't happen when I was younger I wouldn't say 'boo' to a goose  …….. due to parenting.  'seen by not heard'  .  So my brain would stew = anxiety.  + IBS.  Tension causes wind around my belly button which is very uncomfortable and ups any anxiety levels.

When someone upsets me I find myself having conversations - putting the World to rights and saying what I would like to have said rather than what I didn't  .  That at least cleared my head!   Journalling also helped a lot.

[coldethyl]

Top tip.. Don't ring 111 if you want to remain calm ever. I wanted to access my out of hours GP tonight and you have to use 111 as an interim handler. 2hrs waiting on phone and as soon as I said yes to one of his tick box questions he wanted me to dash to a and e over 35 minutes away and hot quite shirty when I said I just want to speak to a GP. Eventually he said he'd let me speak to a clinician and I got an appointment at local OOHs and actually saw a lovely lady from my own surgery who was on call. I know they have to be safe rather than sorry but I kept saying I always have chest pain as I am anxious and have chronic costpchondritis and I'm  not ringing about especially about that......arghhhhh.