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[BrightLight]

I can appreciate what you are saying Dulciana and have used a mix of things over the years, I did find herbal remedies with valerian and hops really can help to relax you so that you can start from a calmer place with the breathing and meditation aspect. Sometimes we can be running on anxiety to the point that we need to get it down a notch or two before we can manage to maintain things.  I use accupunture, massage in the past or homeopathy.  For me, it is like my body and mind needs to remember the calm state and if I am stressed too long, it sort of forgets.  So I have to get back to that deep relaxation in order for the other things to really work - it gives me a baseline.

I have just started using a new app with someone actually counting the in and out breaths, it helps to have a voice there. I do this about three times a day, only a few minutes each time.  Belly breathing, slow and steady.  I have other apps that do body scans and visualistions - again they are all short, 10 minutes or less.

Sometimes burst of high impact activity can burn off adrenalin too - so I think a combination of things.  I too find conflict and uncertainty are really hard to deal with and in the past two years I seem to have a low level 'on guard' sense about me.  Letting go and trying to stop working things out is something I have to make myself do as well.

[Nicci]

Hello Dulciana,
To date most of my anxiety is as a result of interacting with others. I've tried many things over many years along the 'non prescribed medication' route: CBT, mindfulness, Yoga, Valerian, St John's Wort, Tai Chi, Power walking with a face like thunder! Boot Camps  I even got a personal trainer to teach me how to box which I absolutely loved as a way of using up all of that 'fight or flight' energy I'd created.

I struggled to calm myself down because I'd completely forgotten what calm felt like. I don't mean non-anxious and just about functioning with everyday tasks I mean a real, deep level of calm well-being. How could I aim to get myself in a state of relaxed well-being if I didn't know or have any memory of what that actually, genuinely feels like.?...and I really needed to experience it because my anxiety was causing chaos for me not only socially but physically and mentally too (digestion, sleep, heart, breathing, confidence etc)

My self confidence is pretty low so joining Pilate, Tai Chi or yoga classes will have to wait. In my somewhat desperate self help search I found Reiki.
Has it cured me?...nope.  Is it helping me?..most definitely. I've experienced four sessions to date and after my latest session or treatment I found myself stretching out...you know, like you do when you've just woken from a lovely sleep. That lazy, contented stretching. Something I haven't experienced for perhaps 18 months. 

I'd have to agree with Brightlight's post about having to retrain ourselves or remind ourselves what calm actually feels like. Reiki is doing it for me as a sort of 'guided meditation'  now I'm beginning to understand what calm feels like and how to achieve it I can eventually go on to bring it about by myself in order to interrupt and halt those thought processes that are leading me into massive States of anxiety.
I want to send you a huge hug and hope you find something that works for you xx

[Lizab]

I don't know how to calm myself when I'm out and about and consumed with anxiety. At home I've found that to put that background nervous energy that keeps me from relaxing aside, I can turn on the television and knit. I rarely watch tv, but it seems to help in giving me two things to focus on, the knitting and a program, besides my racing thoughts. One or the other doesn't cut it for me, I have to have two distractions. I think it helps me that one is mindless and the other requires some focus, so I can watch the tv, but when I catch my thoughts racing I can turn my focus to knitting until the show catches my attention again. It's been years since I've been able to relax, do nothing, and just be for a spell, so this has helped me learn to sit still and really put life out of my mind for a few.

[Annies]

Dulciana- I would echo the comments about mindfulness. I frequently struggle with my thoughts and when stressed (which again is frequently) they become rtepetitive which makes them feel v  powerful  and scary. Having tried many strategies for dealing with them- CBT hardly helped- the most effective for me has been short mindfulness based exercises. I listen to a 10 min Head space session on my phone usually once during the day and religiously at night while I go to sleep. It's a useful app as you're being guided through each meditation  - my mind tends to wander too much if I don't have a voice talking me through it. I hope you find something that helps a little.

[Dulciana]

I would like to thank everyone, individually, for every bit of advice here, but just being online is adding to my stress today. 

So 

[Sooby]

Dulciana,

            your initial post makes me think that these feelings are to do with your hormones rather than worrying about any thing in particular. Especially the comment you made about your reaction to conflict and uncertainty makes me think that this the fight or flight response in over drive. Many of us suffer from it and although the feelings are overwhelming and extreme, at the same time we can see that they are unfounded.

           Because they are hormonally linked they can flood in at any time with little or no provocation and because they are a result of a chemical imbalance then trying to reason them away is difficult. Techniques which slow the heart rate and refocus the mind will help as well as removing any niggling fears and worries that this type of anxiety feeds on. The most effective tool that I have found so far is to see the feelings as a hormonal fluctuation not a real sensation and to constantly remind myself of this. Detaching myself from the emotions by observing the responses and reactions almost in the third party rather than reacting to them.

           Eating helps too as it alters the mental state an also addresses any blood sugar imbalances.  Explaining to those around e that the feelings have just kicked in helps to as once I identify the imposter it has less power over the way that I respond to it. I have put some NLP anchoring exercises on other threads which can also help.

           I have been looking at foods and supplements to address this issue to so check out the links that I have put on the Eat yourself Calm thread.

[Justjules]

Dulciana, I can only reiterate what all of our lovely ladies have said. Deep breathing spells, meditation, some good food, your own space, all not quick fixes but something you need to consciously start doing more and more of as I am.

Don't be too hard on yourself....this too shall pass. x

[coldethyl]

I think what is so hard about menopausal anxiety is that it swoops in from nowhere - in the past I knew when I was heading into anxiety mode and could avert fullblown panic. Now, the hormonal surges and lows are like riding a rollercoaster and I really do have to make a conscious effort to keep up with the breathing and relaxation- I find just going with surges and flashes makes them last much shorter a time but my instinct is still to tense up and fight. I'm so glad that this place exists as it is so supportive and realising you aren't alone is part of battle.

[Dulciana]

sooby, justjules and coldethyl, thank you very, very much, too.   

I can pinpoint exactly where this current "do" stemmed from - thinking I'd overstepped the mark with someone three months ago, letting it get to me more and more, bottling it up (unusual for me) and my stress levels going doolally.  I've recently been convinced (by Hubby, who I only told about this a few days ago) that I didn't overstep the mark, but it's all left a legacy which this thread is a result of.   What people have written here is already helping me.  Thank you again.   I'm now going to play some music and wallow in some lovely sounds.  (I couldn't even do that earlier on.....)
Dulciana

[limpy]

Dulciana - Perhaps listen to your OH, you did not go over the mark.
Stop beating yourself up.
Relax and enjoy your music.

[Dulciana]

No. Yes.   

D.

[blossom60]

I've come to the conclusion, over the years, that stress and anxiety can become a habit.  I don't mean that in any critical way because we have little control over it.  Rather it's more that our mental and physical being gets to such a low point, that it does not know how to shake it off.

I think you have to find some way of taking yourself back to 'square one', either by something you do for yourself (massage, meditation, spa etc.,), or go and see your GP.  In my experience, just a short course of ADs can be enough to get you back in balance.

Life is too short to be wasted on stress.

[Dulciana]

Thanks, Blossom60.   

Dulciana

[CLKD]

There was an article in the papers at the weekend about dealing with anger 

[jedigirl]

Hi,
I always use a guided meditation on my very bad days. There are some great free apps on google play and the I store.
A hot bath, a glass of wine and a meditation has saved many a day for me. xxx