Huge hugs. It's so hard trying to work out the best way of managing symptoms. I'm 40, diagnosed last year, though I'd been having symptoms since 35 and life is DEFINITELY not over for us by a long way! I'm on BCP instead of HRT so can't offer any advice on your patches, but hang in there, things will get easier (and I'm sure some of the more knowledgeable ladies will be along shortly to advise on the HRT)
This forum has been a lifeline for me too - it's great knowing you're not the only one having all these weird symptoms!
Not sure if you've already picked this up, but do check over your diet/lifestyle as changes there can make a huge difference - e.g. I've found that sugar and caffeine cause palpitations and hot flushes, so cutting back on these have really helped. Everyone is different but if you listen to your body, you'll soon pick up what things help or hinder.