Awful! Awful ! Awful!
Oh I feel so embarrassed and stupid and feel like I've been laid 'exposed' or something
Well, I went. I thought I did well through the day waiting for the appointment, distracting myself so I didn't get too worried...
The doctors were all calling patients through in person with welcoming smiles etc, My doctor came out and called me without a smile. He did not smile ONCE through my appointment, he had a dead pan expression throughout. I'd already got my spiel practiced in my head so I went ahead as planned, I explained I had a great fear of seeking medical advice and it had taken enormous courage to go and that communicating in these circumstances was extremely difficult......dead pan face. Silence. So I carried on, explaining the background to my meno issues and how it tied in with having pain in my Sacrocoiliac joint which flared up each month aggravated also due to hormonal swings.
He asked if I was still having a period, I said yes, he seemed surprised, "What, regular?" I said yes, but scanty. He said "oh!" That was all. As if I was 90 year old. I'm 52. He then told me I was on wrong tablet for HRT. I said why? He said you're on Ellesste Solo, you need something else. That won't do. I said I'd seen a menopause specialist and she'd put me on it! Then the penny dropped and I eventually had to explain I was also on utrogestan and he said oh right, I missed that. I then asked for oestrogel and he said it was old and they didn't prescribe it these days, to which I had to explain again. He spent ages faffing around in a book saying he couldn't prescribe as it didn't say how many pumps in his book. I managed to tell him it was all trial and error and that I used this website and could get the correct info on how to use it. He eventually relented and printed it off...
Then we got onto my moods again, he never once gave any kind of encouragement when he saw I was stumbling to explain. I explained the things that had happened over last 2 years which I felt were contributing to the anxiety I was feeling on top of menopausal anxiety (my mum had died, we'd had to relocate to other end of UK etc etc) I said I was proud of myself for admitting finally that I needed some help and was proud to have made the trip even though I wanted to cancel, almost in tears. Straight face. Whenever I stopped whimpering/garbling there was a silence where he was just looking at me dead pan, bored looking, which made me feel like I had to fill the space with more wimpering
I explained I didn't want SSRIs as they didn't work on me and that I had been reading up on ADs and noted some were also good for pain, so I asked for Dosulepin he said they don't use it any more (I should have questioned him on this because I know the NHS clearly DO!!! but by this time I just wanted to get out of there) He then suggested Mirtazepine but I was brave and said "But they don't deal with pain as well do they? and I'm keen if I HAVE to use an AD to address pain as well while I'm at it" He said no they don't. He eventually gave me a prescription for Amytriptyline. He was going to give me 10mg but I told him I'd been given a months worth years back for my Sacroiliac pain and I knew this was just the dose for PAIN. He eventually gave me 25mg.
Anyway...I'm rambling..... when I got home I looked up dosage for Amytriptyline and everywhere it says the INITIAL STARTING dose for anxiety/ depression for an adult is 75mg!!
He says I've got to try it for a month and see how I am!!
After all that build up, me being so brave, all this spilling my guts out to this robot of a person with ZERO bedside manner he appears to have given me a dose of something which will have no effect whatsoever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I feel exposed, emotionally, and stupid and ....... like it was all for nothing....
OH I wish I'd not spilled my heart out to that guy!!!!!!!!!!
It has put me off opening up and being honest with medical people again!!!!!!!!!!
At least I have the oestrogel to try though, I suppose.
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Topic: Am I being unreasonable? Please be honest. (Read 18380 times)